Wednesday, March 14, 2018

count down to 3

I can't believe that in a short couple of weeks we will have another baby! I'm terrified of having a little girl but so ready to  not be pregnant anymore. All the little things are done and I can't begin to explain how incredibly tired my body is. I put her side of the 'go bag' together yesterday & I need to work on my side. I'd like to prepare a couple of meals to freeze to have through the post partum side; which should be done this weekend. I'm also trying to squeeze in a trip to see the Easter bunny because she literally can come at anytime now. Yea know I'm not really big on Easter but those pictures are pretty important to me. I really have no interest in doing a basket, or dying eggs, or any of it... it's just a 'neeh' holiday for me.
What seems like a million years ago - I wanted nothing more then to have life growing inside me.. now I'm about to join the 3 under 3 club and I'm 'all good'. While that can be heard as a complaint.. no it's not.. I'm just over being pregnant for two years straight. Even though she wasn't planned.. I'm excited that we are on this journey - if I had gotten a vote.. I would have wanted a little more time in between pregnancies but hey. I'm sad that so much of little Dudes first year included being pregnant again & I feel he got really overlooked. He sure is a happy little Dude tho... so I must be doing something right.
So what now? What happens when my uterus is closed for good? Is it closed for good? We have talked about a potential #4 but that's gonna be a couple years down the road... 1.5 tops. I am leaving it as a possibility - not getting my tubes tied in other words - but totally ok if we don't do this again. I like knowing that we have the option if we so choose. I keep telling people that we had agreed that we were done when little Dude was born. Then we crossed the line into natural conception and that kinda changed our stance. We both said we wanted 4 kiddo's ... I just want a break in between kids before we decided if we move forward with a potential 4. I'm actually really shocked in how many people - strangers included - ask us about a #4. All I can say is .. I dunno.
Little Man starts school in August; early start as it's called. I know we need to start a form of ABA services for little Man after little Miss is born as well. His final diagnosis should be delivered to us this coming week. We have his first IFSP meeting next week & I'm actually really nervous about that. I'd like to enroll Little Dude and Little Miss into the Y while brother is in school. That way I can catch a break and actually get into a healthy place again. I'm really big in water safety so the two youngest need to be enrolled in swim lessons. I'd also like to get little Man back into swim lessons as well & introduce him to gymnastics.
We are planning a trip to Texas in August; which I'm excited about. We wont be staying with family, in Houston, this time around so I'm hoping to see more people and tour the city. I'd also like to make it up to Oklahoma & Arkansas soon but it's wont be during this trip in August. 
We have 7 years left in the Navy & by all accounts will more or less be in San Diego for all of them. Then ... I dunno. I wanna move south and put down roots. We've talked about Oklahoma, Nebraska, Texas & staying where we are. The kids will be under 8 & it should be easier to transition to a new location at that point. I'd like to go to school and get my cosmetology license so I can go back to work after little Miss gets into school full time. I just wanna get a chance to see Hawaii and possibly Maine while he is still in. I actually want to do his last couple of years stationed in Hawaii but he has firmly said no to that.
So right this very second I'm fighting contractions, lower back pain and fatigue. I'm dealing with a almost 3 year old who doesn't sleep more then 5.5 hours on average. I'm dealing a an almost 11 month old who is on the verge of walking. My body & my mind are exhausted and it's just going to be even more exciting soon. I'm just hoping that I can schedule some time for a pedicure before little miss is born.. which I honestly don't think it much longer. I'd say within the next couple of weeks.. and yes that means I'm still hoping for a March baby instead of another April baby. Little Man was 39.5 weeks, little dude was 37.6 weeks and we are just entering in 36 weeks today with little Miss.. so again.. we are close!
Hope everyone has a great week... ooh St Patty's day is coming up quick! I'll try to post again before Little Miss arrives.

Thursday, February 1, 2018

I survived

Back in August I wrote this post: August Update about the plans I had for this deployment. Now that we are coming to a end .. yep an end.. I'm proud to say that we accomplished a lot on that list!!

I did replace the kitchen table & the area rug. I also saved a lot of money & paid a lot of stuff off. We also found out shortly after that August post that we were expecting our third child, which to say we were shocked in a understatement. I'm about to hit my 30 week mark in a couple of days.. hard to comprehend. Wish I had gotten some of the meal planning and snack prep done like I had wrote about. That's a goal for the next chapter tho.. yea?

I'm stupid excited he is going to be home. I've never felt so alone & I have these past couple of years. Each deployment brought light to my life of solidarity with the kiddo's. It's hard stuff getting super active kids going & being so gigantically pregnant. I have had some good friends help me out through this and I'm grateful but it's left me wanting more. It's also left me itching for new orders to a new state - even with the pro's vs con's. The people helping me through during the last part of 2015-2017.. those people aren't even around. Each deployment brought and took people even when I prayed for stability. It's also cause for self reflection in a lot of ways.

I have a lot of things on the burners right now. We have maternity pictures, we have our stay-cation, we have a baby shower, we have little Dude's first birthday all before the princess is born. I also gotta finish putting her nursery together and start finalizing the go bag. The Dr's did schedule little princess' c-section for April 12th; so that's exciting. I have a feeling she's gonna arrive earlier so I wanna be prepared.

I gotta go knock out the rest of the laundry and clean up the kitchen. It's going to be a crazy busy weekend so I gotta step in front of this avalanche now. Oh... GO EAGLES!


Sunday, January 28, 2018

See me now?

I feel invisible.
Outside of my kids I am alone. It's rare for someone to reach out to me for companionship. So what does that say about me? I reach out to at least three people a day, not the same three people... I do have people I consider 'friends' but I guess I'm looking for a unicorn friendship. I want more and that's annoying because I'm not sure it's achievable where I am. I'm not talking about physical location (but I'm sure that's a factor) but I'm talking about all the elements. Maybe I haven't grown enough, maybe I need to keep working on who I am. I just have never had a real issue with friends but then again I haven't had a 'best' friend since my early 20's. That's what I want. I want a bestfriend - can I say that? I'd like to have someone to call when my world seems heavy, I'd like someone to call when i feel so stuck and blue, I'd like someone who took a moment to understand my world with Little Man & not have to explain and defend all the time. It would be nice to complain about my husband with someone on my team while knowing I love the man to death. It's SUPER easy for me to go down the negativity slide but I'd like someone to reign me in. My husband is good about that to a point but contrary to popular belief, my husband isn't perfect. He slays his own demons daily & his biggest one is money. It's a crazy financial slippy slide for him & I dangerously tiptoe around that as often as I can. I think with back to back deployments there has only been one constant in my every changing life. 
I just don't have anything to say past my kids. I don't do anything, I'm not in a group or having any BIG interests. A book club would be nice, two birds with one stone kinda thing. I'd like to be apart of a monthly GNO type of group but I'm not big on drinking outside of the house. I really would like to find parent friends. One of my biggest let downs is that I don't have friends that have kids Little man or little dude's ages. It doesn't have to be exact but mostly everyone we know have a older daughter, which isn't a bad thing either. I'd like to find someone with a kiddo around little dude's age, he needs it the most. Little Man is so into his own little world that I feel Little Dude really needs some 'same age play time'. Again it comes down to common interests and personal beliefs. I lose people at those two areas.
Oh, I'm so tired of all the endless suggestions - like I haven't thought of them myself. Like daycare.. why on earth would I pay for daycare to socialize my kids when there are stay at home parents all around. It seems crazy that I have to pay for my kids to socialize when other's don't. (Did I just sound like a millennial?) I'm serious tho! I've tried the weekly Mom groups through church and other sources. We aren't a run to "SeaWorld every Friday family but I do enjoy a good zoo day. I want park days and swim days. I want hang out in our living room days and swing in the back yard days. I dont' want to spend money to spend time with you. You also have to take into account that we have a crazy week schedule. We go to Occupational therapy once a week & speech therapy twice a week. Then we have errand/ grocery day.. and Wednesday are 'we aren't getting out of our jammies day'. Maybe this is the next chapter for me. To become more approachable, more realistic, more open to finding things that make me .. well me. I'm not opposed to growth, but I'm really tired of being alone and feeling invisible.

Wednesday, January 10, 2018

ten days in

Well hello.

We are 10 days into 2018 and I wanted to recap how I'm doing with my 'goals'. I also want to add to those who are already discouraged.. it takes 21 days to break or create a new habit. So if you have gone back to your old ways.. correct it and keep going the way you wanted. Redirect yourself. Don't let a fail hold you back!!

Goal 1: So my husband is still deployed and I feel that I have been nicer to him. Ive been listening to him more. It's hard to give up all my foundations to mold to his but I'm trying. It's also hard for me to run a household for almost 2 years and welcome him back to change things up. It's extremely hard. My husband is very financially directed & he'll give up every luxury in the world to stay where he wants too. It drives me insane - I''m more of the pay bills first and live your life & that drives him nuts.  I'm not a saver, penny pincher, budgeter.. I try but I'm just not. I don't understand knowing gas pricies b/c it's something that you need. Driving 20 min out of your way for .20 is ridiculous to me.. but my husband will go the extra miles for the cheaper price tag. I am trying to follow a budget, to create goals.. I need to have goals. I need to have rewards.. I need to pay a bill off and reward myself. My husband doesn't understand that

Goal 2: has been a lot more challenging. I did, however, order a 3rd trash can so that I can start purging. So there is a plus to that. I have also purged the garage and my sons clothing.

Goal 3: this one has been a great win. I've paid off 5 store cards and 1 credit card. I've started a savings too.  My goal is to close the 4 of 5 store cards and the 1 credit card. I did create a budget as I mentioned above also but the husband wants to revise it when he gets home.

Goal 4: the only thing I've managed is to remove my cc's from the checkout page. I've ordered from them since new years. It's so darn addictive! I have no self control when it comes to NOT getting two kids out and still getting your items. Like I just got 2 car seats for the price of 1! That;s a great deal and it was shipped to my door! i know I know.. I gotta stop using them. This is going to be my hardest goal... I'm telling you.

How have you guys done with your goals? Anyone still strong 5 days in?

Tuesday, December 26, 2017

Goodbye 2017

I'm so ready for 2018 - simply because my husband comes home & we have our 3rd child. I'm ready to NOT be pregnant anymore & I'm so beyond ready to have my husband home again. I cant' being to explain how much I want my husband home right this very second.  Normally I shy away from resolutions because well it's kind of a fad. So while it takes a while to institute something into a routine people generally give up a week after stating their new goal.

Goal #1: Be Nicer to my Husband. Lets face it - I'm a B to my husband. He deserves better. It's my goal to really put him first. These past two years really put into perspective just how much I want to be around him. So the next items are also in-conjunction to #1.

Goal #2: De Clutter: We got too much. Time to de-clutter. I want to be a minimalist or try to be. Time to purge and donate.

Goal #3: SAVE: I want to payoff. I want to spend less and save more. I want to create a realistic budget and stick with it. I want to really really focus on finances this year and better all of our lives.

Goal 4#: AMAZON. I spend a lot of money at Amazon - so for #3 to work I gotta do #4. Removing all my cc's off my profile to make ordering harder. Unless it's in the budget NO AMAZON.

Those are the short versions of my wish list. Remember when setting your goals.. they are meant to be hard and even if you fail.. just keep going!

Friday, December 15, 2017

Well Hello.

Well Hello!

I was reading my last post in Nov "Skipping Christmas" and I've held true to my words. I've bought little man a couple of 'Little People' figurines because he's actually playing pretend. I bought Little Dude a gift or two but he's so small he has no idea what is what. I did buy my Starbucks cup, holiday blend and ornament. I also bought the Holiday barbie like I said I would. I did buy my nephew a book from "wonderbly" because a friend sent me a $5 coupon. I also sent my husband a Christmas care package, which he received two days ago. My tree is beautiful and is half full -- meaning I only did personal ornaments on the TOP half of the tree b/c little man wont leave them alone -- lol.
~I bought Little Man the Little People advent calendar amazon special & it is a HUGE hit. I couldn't wait to open them all up and let him play so we didn't do the 'day by day' portion. He loves them. He carries the little cat, the little dog and the reindeer everywhere. I think he thinks the reindeer is a dog; which makes me laugh because we have Pomeranian's and a Great Dane. (We also have two cats, but they are mostly outside). Anyway the fact that he thinks the reindeer is a dog makes me chuckle.

~Little Miss is now at 22 weeks gestation. Her room is almost finished & I am SUPER proud of how it's turning out. The color scheme is pink, white and gold - which was inspired by a picture I found on pinterest. I am waiting on Dad to put the crib & dresser together. I mean he's done it with the past two so I'm not letting him skimp out on #3's. I haven't even bought the bed or dresser yet. I still have to buy a 'big boy' car seat for little Dude to transition into. I also need to decide on purchasing a new rock n play because our old one doesn't vibrate anymore. I really haven't jumped into the whole girl clothes thing yet either. I have been getting clothes from people, which is GREAT, but I need to buckle down and make sure I have enough newborn through 3 months clothes.  really not into sweets. I'm so happy I can still drink my Dr Pepper and coffee - with the boys I couldn't at all - but I'm still getting my H20 intake in. The only issue I've had is with my back. It's actually how I found out I was pregnant. I thought I bruised my tailbone. The small of my back hurts so incredibly bad. I get to pick on big chore of the day and tackle it.. by the end of the day I can barely move. SO I time my day around my back. Getting a massage helps big time and the OB has decided that it's tension related and there is absolutely nothing they can do. SO I'm just hoping the hubby gets home soon before I get to the point I can't move at all - exaggeration but I would be nice to delegate some chores to help me. Right now all the chores fall into my lap I put off grocery shopping, or leaving the house, as long as I can. I pick a day and a chore gets done. I had to cut back on Little Man's appointments because getting the kids in and out of the car takes a toll as well. Tylenol helps, heating pad helps, massages help, and warm baths help. I have been given permission to take ibuprofen, no more the 600 mg in a 24 hr period, but that seriously scares me so I've stuck with Tylenol.
With this pregnancy I hardly feel pregnant. She rarely moves, which I keep hearing is normal for a girl at this stage, but it bothers me. She craves steak and asparagus, she hasn't really repelled food but I'm

~Little Dude can sit up on his own, and crawl on all fours - backwards. He is super calm and quiet. He only complains when he is hungry, tired or has pooped. He does great with floor time play but loves his jumpy. I'm really anxious for him to start talking. I think he has said "hi" and "Momma" but that's usually when we first wake up and I can't be sure of anything before coffee.. hahaha.

~Little Man has started talking all of a sudden. He is saying real words you can understand! He sings songs like 'EIEIO' and "wheels on the bus". He tells me "ow", 'up', 'eat', 'go', and he does a LOT of gibberish. He can say the whole alphabet, his numbers to 10, and his colors. He lines everything up in a color pattern in a OCD manner.. but otherwise he is doing great! I'm still not getting him to sleep in his own bed all night long. I'm trying be he wont make it the whole night. For a child who was just diagnosed with Autism I think his talking and playing pretend are AWESOME! Which I also wanna add that this time last year he just stopped talking and last week he just woke up talking. It is the CRAZIEST thing.

Alright guys.. that's all I got. Hopefully I can find time after the holidays to post a New Years post. I actually have resolutions. Merry Christmas y'all.


Thursday, November 2, 2017

skipping Christmas

So it's 7 weeks from Christmas and I have a huge announcement.
We are skipping Christmas.
We aren't  giving and receiving gifts this year. I'm not buying Christmas gifts this year, at all. I'm not baking mounds of cookies, I'm not going to race around town for wrapping paper and tape. I'm not going to rush packages at the post office and I'm not going to blow my amazon account up with orders. I'm not going to fight crowds at the grocery store or the mall. I'm not going to make a list and spend a ton of money on trinkets and stocking junk. I'm not going to buy cookie dough and a gallon of milk for Santa.
I am going to put up a tree and lights. but I'm not decorating my whole house like I usually do. I will take the boys for pictures for Santa and I ordered their Christmas pj's in July from Gentry's  I will display stockings but I'm not going to fill them. I will buy some ornaments and a Starbucks cup (because.. it's my personal tradition.) I also always purchase the Holiday Barbie doll and ornament, for my future daughter, but those are usually my birthday presents to myself. And I will send my husband a Christmas care package.
Someone reading this is gasping in disbelief but the truth is my kids & I don't need anything. We have all that we need and I can't stand the commercialization around gifts. I'm not bragging but I am being humble. My living room is swimming in toys and some they have barely touched. If I can break myself from going overboard, like I do every year, then I have a chance to teach my kids the meaning of Christmas... togetherness. Then maybe they won't be disappointed in a gift someone spent their hard money on. Then maybe we won't have disappointed teenagers b/c they didn't get the latest and greatest. We did decide one gift from Santa and one from the parents. Last year i bought little man ten gifts from Santa, five from parents and stocking stuffers. All he cared about was the push car and his plush crayons.. everything else may as well have been returned.
And the BIGGEST reasons of all are:
1. Santa's not here. He'll be gone this year and it just doesn't feel like Christmas without him.
2. I'm grossly pregnant with #3 and I don't want to run all over town picking up things and because Dad is gone.. I barely have time to surf facebook let alone thousands of stores for the right gifts.
3. I just don't give a damn. I just don't give two shits if we get anything or not. Our house is full and I hate Christmas because of the demand and expectations of gifts.
It's semi sad and semi crazy BUT this preggo single Mom of 2 is giving herself a break while Dad is deployed.


Friday, October 13, 2017

it is a.....

I couldn't wait any longer so I found a place that would do gender reveals at 13 weeks. I found a place close by and went with a friend. They were able to get us straight in and she told me it may not be 100% they would be able to tell b/c it's recommended that people wait until 16 weeks. I wanted to move forward anyway. SO here we were getting to find out if we were having a boy or girl. I was certain it was a boy and my friend was certain it was a girl! When we started the ultrasound the little one was all laying on it's side with it's hands up by it's ears. You could see the jaw line so clearly! We got to watch as the baby played with it's side of it's head and moved it's legs around. It was really neat to see the little nugget just playing and reacting to my laughs or just talking in general. I must yell little man's name a lot b/c the baby really reacted when I called his name out!
Long story short here.. you could clearly tell that the baby is a....

We have her named picked out since we were pregnant in 2015 with little man. Other people have used her name but I'm not wavering.  I haven't narrowed down a middle name but I have time. The husband really wanted a girl and so I'm happy he finally got his 'princess'. I really wanted another boy but I'm just as happy with this baby being a girl. I save all Little Dudes clothes for nothing but I'll just donate them! The godparents were one of the first people to know gender. The godfather of the kids is on deployment but I sent him the gender and he send a e-mail telling my husband. My husband thought I was going to tell his boss via e-mail so he was really surprised! We got him good.. as he has told us..

It's a girl.. holy shit we are having a girl. I still can't believe it. My OB even double checked the pictures b/c he said you couldn't really tell at 13 weeks and then said he stood corrected b/c she is clearly a she! I am great boy Mom.. I just have never given much thought to really being a girl Mom. I'm not as girly as people think.. I do "high maintenance" things but I'm not girly. Hopefully with the help of her brothers I can raise a girly tomboy.. lmao.   Miss E is due April 2018!! 

Monday, October 9, 2017

lame holiday plans

the boys are currently napping.. at the same time.. it's a miracle! Normally I'd be taking advantage of the dual naps but ending out my first trimester I have managed to gain some extra energy. I've used most of it to 'attempt' to clean. I never seem to clean or pick up or wash enough.. ooh or cook enough. I swear as soon I clean my kitchen I have to cook another meal and it's chaos again. I think I've leveled up on laundry and have a single load of bathroom rugs to wash - which is a miracle.
So the holidays are fastly approaching and I don't want to do any of them. Instead of costumes and candy I'm thinking of ideas of how to avoid the whole holiday. I've actually thought of creating a poster board that tells people to leave my house alone. Then again.. all we do is pass out candy so what would it hurt?? My wallet.. that's what it hurts. A costume for little man, $50 worth of candy to hand out, the dogs barking all night long, and i'm a single mom with two small kids -- i don't want to have time for it. During dinner time, bath time and bedtime...  I haven't made up my mind but I'm pretty sure I'm not going to participate this year.
Also since "Santa" is on deployment I think we are skipping that too. The kids DO NOT need a thing, but I do plan on doing Santa pictures and putting up a tree. I don't want to do the whole day.. the whole waking up on Christmas to open gifts.. they don't understand.. plus Santa's not here. It just doesn't feel right without Santa. It will be :Little Dudes first Christmas so the pictures with Santa are important. I have decided that missing Thanksgiving last year was the worst.. so I'm going to down scale the whole event and create my favorites. I'm thinking of that for Christmas day too.
I find out gender of baby 3 in a couple of days and I'm pretty sure it's another boy. I'm actually VERY excited that it might be another boy. I'm having small heart attacks thinking about 3 kids in diapers so being able pass down clothes again would be amazing. I've gotten a lot of the overall decor plans ironed out.. just waiting to make sure it's really a boy before I move forward. While I am saying that we are finding out gender this week, I am not announcing gender any time soon. I have a plan for the husband to find out gender before anyone else. I created a gender box.. half blue / half pink candy.. but he hasn't gotten it yet. I'll find out gender before he gets the box, which sucks because I'm emailing the results to a very good friend, who is also on deployment, and he'll email the husband with the results. I really wanted the husband to get the box first since it's a "is it a boy or girl" box and won't really make sense if he already knows gender BEFORE it's gets to him. So after the husband finds out gender he can choose to announce it or not.. I think it's important to have him participate in some way.
So there ya go.. our lame holiday plans. My brother said I was being unfair to the boys but it sucks doing all of this by myself. At least the husband got to come home last year for Christmas and that made it so much more exciting.

Have you made plans for the holidays yet?

Tuesday, September 5, 2017

then there were three

Sitting here watching my kiddo's & thinking about how our lives are going to change again. Little Dude and Little Man are both on the floor playing... but not together. Little Dude is being fussy because he doesn't want to do tummy time. Little Man is quietly playing on the floor while a snot ball rolls down his lip and I know if I jump up to wipe it - it's going to be on his hands and all over his face. Yep told ya! Why do kids fight their nose being wiped?? So while I examine our little world of chaos I can't help but think about the little nugget growing in my stomach. The tinge of fear that creeps up, the questions I can't answer and all the decisions that are yet to come. I close my eyes and silently lie telling myself that my husband is never getting any again. I'm excited. I'm so happy & excited that we were able to create this little nugget. I'm so thankful that we get this experience but I could have waited a little longer in between kids.. but that wasn't the plan I guess.

I have decided to NOT do a nursery. I have decided that I'm going to purchase a Graco DreamGlider. Once this baby can roll over on his own I'll do a nursery for both little nugget and little dude to share. Considering they are so close to age - I think they will be fine to share a room - unless of course little nugget is a girl and throw a wrench in all my plans. I'm going to put my nesting energy into the house and try to get some things done. I think by putting off purchasing a baby bed and dresser won't really save us considering we'll need it anyway... so I may purchase the matching set to little dude after Christmas. BUT if we are having another boy then I can put all my energy into the house like I had planned. I'll just need to purchase diapers and his bed set.

What are the house plans? I'm going to change out the kitchen table and add a area rug under it, I'm going to add three end tables with lamps in the living room and change out the area rug. My biggest plan is to change the wall color in the kitchen, living room and hallway. I'm also going to take down the kids picture walls" and put all the pictures in the living room. I think I'm going to switch rooms with Little Dude and Little man. I won't have to change anything decor wise. I also need to organize the attached garage and really work on the back yard. I'd like to turn the garage into a play area using the interlocking play foam puzzle pieces but that's last on the list.

At the moment I'm trying to find my balance. To find me balance of getting chores done, sleeping and taking care of these little monsters. I want to do more than just survive.. and it's getting hard. I'm so tired!! I wish I could make them send my husband home lol. but I'll just tough it out.
That's all I got for now..