Friday, October 13, 2017

it is a.....

I couldn't wait any longer so I found a place that would do gender reveals at 13 weeks. I found a place close by and went with a friend. They were able to get us straight in and she told me it may not be 100% they would be able to tell b/c it's recommended that people wait until 16 weeks. I wanted to move forward anyway. SO here we were getting to find out if we were having a boy or girl. I was certain it was a boy and my friend was certain it was a girl! When we started the ultrasound the little one was all laying on it's side with it's hands up by it's ears. You could see the jaw line so clearly! We got to watch as the baby played with it's side of it's head and moved it's legs around. It was really neat to see the little nugget just playing and reacting to my laughs or just talking in general. I must yell little man's name a lot b/c the baby really reacted when I called his name out!
Long story short here.. you could clearly tell that the baby is a....


We have her named picked out since we were pregnant in 2015 with little man. Other people have used her name but I'm not wavering.  I haven't narrowed down a middle name but I have time. The husband really wanted a girl and so I'm happy he finally got his 'princess'. I really wanted another boy but I'm just as happy with this baby being a girl. I save all Little Dudes clothes for nothing but I'll just donate them! The godparents were one of the first people to know gender. The godfather of the kids is on deployment but I sent him the gender and he send a e-mail telling my husband. My husband thought I was going to tell his boss via e-mail so he was really surprised! We got him good.. as he has told us..

It's a girl.. holy shit we are having a girl. I still can't believe it. My OB even double checked the pictures b/c he said you couldn't really tell at 13 weeks and then said he stood corrected b/c she is clearly a she! I am great boy Mom.. I just have never given much thought to really being a girl Mom. I'm not as girly as people think.. I do "high maintenance" things but I'm not girly. Hopefully with the help of her brothers I can raise a girly tomboy.. lmao.   Miss E is due April 2018!! 

Monday, October 9, 2017

lame holiday plans

the boys are currently napping.. at the same time.. it's a miracle! Normally I'd be taking advantage of the dual naps but ending out my first trimester I have managed to gain some extra energy. I've used most of it to 'attempt' to clean. I never seem to clean or pick up or wash enough.. ooh or cook enough. I swear as soon I clean my kitchen I have to cook another meal and it's chaos again. I think I've leveled up on laundry and have a single load of bathroom rugs to wash - which is a miracle.
So the holidays are fastly approaching and I don't want to do any of them. Instead of costumes and candy I'm thinking of ideas of how to avoid the whole holiday. I've actually thought of creating a poster board that tells people to leave my house alone. Then again.. all we do is pass out candy so what would it hurt?? My wallet.. that's what it hurts. A costume for little man, $50 worth of candy to hand out, the dogs barking all night long, and i'm a single mom with two small kids -- i don't want to have time for it. During dinner time, bath time and bedtime...  I haven't made up my mind but I'm pretty sure I'm not going to participate this year.
Also since "Santa" is on deployment I think we are skipping that too. The kids DO NOT need a thing, but I do plan on doing Santa pictures and putting up a tree. I don't want to do the whole day.. the whole waking up on Christmas to open gifts.. they don't understand.. plus Santa's not here. It just doesn't feel right without Santa. It will be :Little Dudes first Christmas so the pictures with Santa are important. I have decided that missing Thanksgiving last year was the worst.. so I'm going to down scale the whole event and create my favorites. I'm thinking of that for Christmas day too.
I find out gender of baby 3 in a couple of days and I'm pretty sure it's another boy. I'm actually VERY excited that it might be another boy. I'm having small heart attacks thinking about 3 kids in diapers so being able pass down clothes again would be amazing. I've gotten a lot of the overall decor plans ironed out.. just waiting to make sure it's really a boy before I move forward. While I am saying that we are finding out gender this week, I am not announcing gender any time soon. I have a plan for the husband to find out gender before anyone else. I created a gender box.. half blue / half pink candy.. but he hasn't gotten it yet. I'll find out gender before he gets the box, which sucks because I'm emailing the results to a very good friend, who is also on deployment, and he'll email the husband with the results. I really wanted the husband to get the box first since it's a "is it a boy or girl" box and won't really make sense if he already knows gender BEFORE it's gets to him. So after the husband finds out gender he can choose to announce it or not.. I think it's important to have him participate in some way.
So there ya go.. our lame holiday plans. My brother said I was being unfair to the boys but it sucks doing all of this by myself. At least the husband got to come home last year for Christmas and that made it so much more exciting.

Have you made plans for the holidays yet?

Tuesday, September 5, 2017

then there were three

Sitting here watching my kiddo's & thinking about how our lives are going to change again. Little Dude and Little Man are both on the floor playing... but not together. Little Dude is being fussy because he doesn't want to do tummy time. Little Man is quietly playing on the floor while a snot ball rolls down his lip and I know if I jump up to wipe it - it's going to be on his hands and all over his face. Yep told ya! Why do kids fight their nose being wiped?? So while I examine our little world of chaos I can't help but think about the little nugget growing in my stomach. The tinge of fear that creeps up, the questions I can't answer and all the decisions that are yet to come. I close my eyes and silently lie telling myself that my husband is never getting any again. I'm excited. I'm so happy & excited that we were able to create this little nugget. I'm so thankful that we get this experience but I could have waited a little longer in between kids.. but that wasn't the plan I guess.

I have decided to NOT do a nursery. I have decided that I'm going to purchase a Graco DreamGlider. Once this baby can roll over on his own I'll do a nursery for both little nugget and little dude to share. Considering they are so close to age - I think they will be fine to share a room - unless of course little nugget is a girl and throw a wrench in all my plans. I'm going to put my nesting energy into the house and try to get some things done. I think by putting off purchasing a baby bed and dresser won't really save us considering we'll need it anyway... so I may purchase the matching set to little dude after Christmas. BUT if we are having another boy then I can put all my energy into the house like I had planned. I'll just need to purchase diapers and his bed set.

What are the house plans? I'm going to change out the kitchen table and add a area rug under it, I'm going to add three end tables with lamps in the living room and change out the area rug. My biggest plan is to change the wall color in the kitchen, living room and hallway. I'm also going to take down the kids picture walls" and put all the pictures in the living room. I think I'm going to switch rooms with Little Dude and Little man. I won't have to change anything decor wise. I also need to organize the attached garage and really work on the back yard. I'd like to turn the garage into a play area using the interlocking play foam puzzle pieces but that's last on the list.

At the moment I'm trying to find my balance. To find me balance of getting chores done, sleeping and taking care of these little monsters. I want to do more than just survive.. and it's getting hard. I'm so tired!! I wish I could make them send my husband home lol. but I'll just tough it out.
That's all I got for now..

Sunday, August 27, 2017

what the what?!

For the past month I have been waiting to be seen by my primary doctor because I thought I had a hormone imbalance. After being on medicines for years for infertility I've gotten to know the ups and downs of my own body. I started getting headaches in the evenings, I started feeling super tired all the time - like I wasn't sleeping good, I also noticed I gained a substantial amount in a short amount of time. I geared up and asked my Dr's nurse to put in for some blood work to check my hormone levels so we could find a suitable birth control pill to help regulate my hormones in fluctuations.
Before my husband left he started talking about having a 3rd baby.. actually a lot of people were asking us if we were going to have another. I simply said no. I didn't want to go through more treatments and I am very happy with the two I have. We have a lot on our plate with Little Man and all his appointments and I simply couldn't think of having a third child.
My plan for this current deployment was to be at the gym as much as my schedule would allow. I have two guaranteed days during the week and as soon as Thomas' ABA kicked in I'd be able to go almost everyday. I dusted off the PIYO I bought last year and I was ready to really start my new routines. I even pinned and googled several 'at home' workouts in case my schedule didn't work and I couldn't make it to the gym.  I was determined to drop 30 pounds in 6-7 months and even decided to go back to the paleo diet. I had agreed with myself that Sept 1 would be my start day and I would rock this deployment.
I got a call saying the Dr's office had a cancellation and I took the appointment. Hours later my husband got a call saying he was flying out at the same time so I had to cancel. I called Friday to see if they had another cancellation so I could take it before the 6th of Sept. The nurse I had been speaking too requested that I take a at home pregnancy test to rule that out.. I scoffed. The Dr's assured us there was no way we could have a natural conception. After calling a friend to vent my frustration she agreed with the nurse.. why not? It wouldn't hurt anything. So before picking up little man from school I stopped at a WalGreens and was cursing myself for wasting $15 on two pregnancy tests.
My friend and I remained on the phone and as I arrived home with both boys sound asleep and the urge to pee - I took a test. I laughed and rolled my eyes at the notion that I was really going to fall for this. I was going to take a test, it was going to be negative because it always has been and I'd be discouraged for the rest of the day. ((It has always been negative without Dr intervention)). So here I am chatting away with my friend, because she wanted to stay on the phone, and pee'ing on a stick.. when the first circle filled with my urine I saw a bright blue line appear and a moment later another blue line. what the hell?! So naturally I started laugh crying.. and ran to grab a bottle of water... no way.. my friend is now laughing hysterically on the other end of the phone while my mind is racing full speed. This is false.. this is a false positive test.. there is no way I could be pregnant. Little Dude is FOUR MONTHS OLD.. there is no way after years of treatments and Dr's saying it couldn't be done.. that we created a baby through natural conception. Apx 20 min later, pregnancy test in hand, I repeated the steps and took my 2nd pregnancy test. Same results.. positive.. bright blue positive.  I ended up taking a total of five.. all positive results.. before conceding in a ball in my kitchen floor that this was really happening.
I can't get in until Sept 18th for a OB check up and by my calculations I'm already 7 weeks along so adding two more puts me at 9 weeks - four weeks shy of completing my first trimester. what the what! All I can do now is move forward .. I could go to the office and take a walk in pregnancy test.. but I don't think that would move anything forward any faster. I think I'm pretty content with waiting two more weeks but I do need to call and change the reason for the appointment. I'm excited that at our appointment that I'll get a ultrasound done so I'll be able to have proof and hear a heartbeat .. this is so unreal.
I was done. I was ready to move forward and be so content with two kids. I was so ready to box up all the baby stuff and donate it all. I was so ready to focus on being healthy and not worrying about being pregnant for the first time since I was 23. I was ready.. but seeing those two blue lines (five different times) just make me want this baby too. I wanted a baby that we didn't know our conception date, I wanted a baby that we didn't have to take medicine to concieve,  I wanted a "i have no idea when this happened" baby but I didn't think it was obtainable.
So now I'll be in the 3 under three club.. insane. Inconceivably insane. This little one will be born before Little Dudes first birthday and Little Man's third. My head keeps spinning with crazy questions.. like how do you go to the grocery store? You can't wear two kids! Can two kids fit in the front basket together? My current infant carseat was manufactured in 2014.. should last 6 years.. but should I get a new one? Does this kid get his own nursery or do I make him bunk with Little Dude or do i put Little Man and Little Dude in a room together? The baby will be sleeping with us for a while.. just like little Dude is now. Until they can roll over on there own my babies sleep in a rock n play next to my bed during the night. Which means I'll also need to update the current rock n play b/c it's gone through 3 kids.. (it was a hand me down from a friend and has been amazing!) My husband is always encouraging me to not run out and buy a crib b/c of this reason and I might just do that this time simply b/c I can't picture how to make the room situation work. OH MY GOD I'll need a new car! There is now way my awesome Escape can hold three car seats on that back row! Two full size and infant seats.. I'll have to move up to a bigger SUV. I wanted a truck.. I have been building my own F150 for months!  Not to mention Dr's appointments with two kids in tow! I'm going to have to find a sitter for those appointments or make them during little man's classes... {{this is how my mind has been racing for two days}}.
While it sounds like I'm complaining - I'm simply processing. Normally our kids are very planned so this is just a whirlwind. Another deployment and another pregnancy .. at least I know he'll make it home this time. I'm still in shock but very happy. I'm really worried my body didn't heal enough and concerned about my c-section scar (which has been bothering me for a couple of weeks). I've really got to manage my weight and hit the gym for this pregnancy b/c I'm heavier than I want to be, even though i typically don't gain a whole bunch. ((under 20 pounds)). SMH...  second best deployment ever! 

Thursday, August 24, 2017

August update

Gosh, it's been a whole month already. The husband just left for another 7 month deployment. Kinda nerve racking. I know I can handle it but man it's a lot. I just wish I could have gotten more done and didn't feel so alone.
Little Dude just turned 4 months this past week. He is rolling over on his side but is horrible on tummy time. He can totally do everything else but he isn't the greatest in tummy time.
Little man is keeping us all super busy! We have speech on Monday, OT (occupational therapy) on Tuesday's, a two n half hour school class on Wednesday & Friday's. We haven't started ABA services yet but we are  working on that.. but I have heard that he'll have five hours DAILY. I literally have no life that doesn't revolve around his therapy.
My mind is going a mile a minute. I want nothing more than to spend a day at the beach being childless and drinking a beer. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids but Momma needs a break. I want to get so much done over the next six months and I'm not sure it will be realistic. I'd like to repaint the whole inside, I'd like to replace the kitchen table and the area rug in the living room. At the same time I really just want to be a hermit and save so much money to pay some bills off. So the plan is to balance both.. which I think is very plausible.
Since I have five hours a day with ABA services the plan is to hit the gym with little Dude. We also have 2.5 hours free during the school time frame too. I wanna carve some Mommy and little Dude time in, plus carve in some just Mommy time too. Thursday's I'd like to make to go out and check out different things. I haven't tackled going to the beach with just the kids by myself yet.. but i'm willing to try.
I've also want to work on a group of schedules... I'd like to get some meal planning done. I find that coming home with a hungry kid is horrible. I need/want to create some food/snacks that are already ready when we get home. Monday's is a late day I really need to start dinner in a crock pot kinda thing before I leave. I'd like to create a workable leaning schedule and get groups of things done by the day.. because there are days I look up and it's 4pm. I'm not sure where the rest of the day went. I'm also planning on going back to the paleo diet too. SHould help cutt down spending and make it easier to meal prep.

Saturday, July 29, 2017

July update.

Little man turned 2! Holy guacamole!
We ordered him a dump truck scene cake .. so dirty with trucks placed on it... they ran out of cars so they upgraded the cake. It was huge! It was delicious but it was huge! So we added a couple of his favorite cars, invited some neighbors and a couple of friends with kids and ate some cake.
We did pictures at JCP that afternoon - which are adorable! We also had a Dr's appointment (without shots) and found out that little man was 26lbs, 3ft tall and was able to flip around in his car seat. The next morning we went out for a IHOP pancake breakfast. His big gift this year was a swing set! Man, does he love to swing! Grandma from Texas sent him some PJ's and he got some pull back cars from amazon.. (from Mom). I think it was a great 2nd birthday!!!



Little Dude just turned 3 months old.. like what?! I can't believe he is 3 months old!! He is apx 14 pounds - wearing 3-6 month clothing, and trying so incredibly hard to sit up! He coo's and goo's, he is super punctual about eating, and he sleeps 6 straight hours at night! He is growing up so super quickly!!
Now I just gotta figure out what i'm going to do with all his clothes he has outgrown. The husband is talking baby #3 already but I think this baby factory has closed up shop. I'm not going through more fertility treatments - so we'd have to have a real miracle baby.



The husband is back home. He came home at the end of June. It has been a fun adjustment but a adjustment. I have gotten so used to doing everything myself, and man do I need a break, but to expect him to come in and just know the routines.. that's just insane. 
BUT
Now that we are getting the hang of things we are just learning that they are trading him to another command. We don't have official dates on everything yet but it looks like he will be leaving in September (yes, next month) for a 7-9 month deployment. The ship he'll be joining just left and he'll have to fly out to catch up with them.
While I understand it's the nature of the beast.. let's just say I'm NOT happy. I just completed 15 months with him gone and he'll be home for almost two months and gone for another 7-9 months... 15 + 9 = 24.. two years.  We can't fight the orders.. so it is what it is. 


While he is gone this time I'm going to focus on dropping weight and getting a good schedule for us. My plan is to go to the gym or do 'in home' workouts five days a week. I'll also be focusing on clean eating and increasing my water intake. I have adapted a very unhealthy Dr Pepper addiction after Little Dude was born.
We have our old roomie moving back in at the end of Sept, which will help us out quite a bit. My brother will also be moving back to SD later this year; which is another great bonus.
Little Man has already started speech but we will be adding Occupational therapy & he'll also be starting a 'early start' school. My plan is to use his school time (three hours) to go to the gym. It's going to be a lot challenging this round and even more challenging for the husband to just 'plop' back into our schedule. 

I'm also searching for 'who I am' during all of this too. I'm more than just a Mom and a wife. I have interest and hobbies that I have yet to explore. I'd like for Little Dude to get a little bit older but start doing beach days throughout the week. We've become hermits, unintentionally, and I really need to make an effort to break that cycle. Little Man does so good in public situations - so I really need to make that a focus. Although I'm still debating on keeping my Y membership - we will just have to see what the schedule allows once all the chips fall into place.
I have a couple of things I'd like to accomplish this next deployment but my main focus will be on weight loss & getting a better schedule. I will also be adding a 'night' off for myself either once or twice a month. Ya know where I hire a sitter to go catch a movie, or dinner, or a pedicure.. because I didn't do that the past fifteen months. I also need to understand and let it be ok to take a break and breath.


I'm very serious about skipping Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. I already bought the boys their monogrammed Christmas pj's from #gentryscloset and I'll be doing our annual family pictures - for the boys anyway - but that's about it. I do need to get Little Due a stocking - since the one I ordered last year has a different name on it but I'm not going all out with decorations, gifts, and baking this year. The kids don't need anything and they are little enough that they will never know. If you personally know me then you know that's insane - Christmas is one of my favorite holidays but I just want a break. I just want to take a deep breath and get back to the basics of family without the expectations of everything else. Nothing is more important than my little family and I really let the unimportant stuff take a back seat. Decorated tree's, cookies, gifts.. all of it at the end of the day is really just unimportant... it makes us feel good.. but it's not that serious. 

Thank you for stopping by to check on us and I hope that you leave a comment or two to let me know you're following along. 


Monday, June 12, 2017

Numbers.

9:
16:
42:
21:
28:
What do they all mean? We see numbers all day long no matter how hard we try. I was thinking the other day that we allow a clock to rule our lives. What time to get up, go to bed, take naps, go to stores, run errands, go to work, go home.. it goes on and on. I know that they say we can't live without air and water but I kinda think we can add numbers in that too - or time. So the significance of the numbers I listed?
9 days until little dude is 2 months old. I mean - wwwwhat?! that's like super crazy to me. Mind blown. I swear I just had that baby yesterday.
16 days until my husband is home. like seriously. He's been gone for what seems like a year.. I mean it's been a total of 40 days since Oct 5th, 2016. He was gone 6 weeks and then home for 6 weeks and then he left for 8 months. I'm not sure if I'm more scared or excited for him to be back in our daily routine.. it's gonna take a moment to adjust.
42 days until little man gets his eval for autism. We turned in the paperwork today and got out appointment. i'm seriously not excited but i'm anxious to get a diagnosis. Then again I feel that everyone would fail the autism test if we took it. So it's kinda like setting him up for failure, but I feel we gotta do it. So he can get all the help he needs and so that we can too. I have already learned a lot from the couple of speech sessions he's already had.
21 days until my favorite holiday of the year. I love the 4th of July. I love every silly sterotype that we Americans have. Grilling hot dogs and corn on the cob by the pool.. while eating watermelon ... just to sit in lawn chairs while having a budlight and watching the sky light up for 45 min to watch fireworks. I'm super excited! I love decorating for it too! I have my very own tote full of nothing but 4th of July decor. NOT kidding. Big lots loves to see me coming in June.. I buy so much stuff. It's also when I replace my welcome mats - hahahaha.
28 days until little man turns 2! I mean. We have decided to get him a cake and take him to his favorite place to play. We don't have any friends with little kids - so he doesn't have any friends to invite... how sad? I'm working on that part.. because he needs the kid interaction.
Well there ya go.. I just planned out the next 42 days for you.
I also want to add that my URL is up for renewal and I'm just not sure if I want to keep this going. I know, I know. I keep saying that and I just keep renewing it. It's a nice place to vent and to feel like I'm having a real conversation with someone but once the husband gets back I don't know that I'll really keep posting and updating. I'm gonna keep sleeping on it but I gotta renew it pretty soons.

Thursday, June 8, 2017

results.

So after an hour n half appointment it was concluded that Little man will also need Occupational Therapy. She said it was something to do with the way his mouth formed and he doesn't hold his tongue correctly - which is causing the majority of the speech problems. He was very vocal for her but he got really irritated halfway through and I'm sure it was the time frame - not the session. I feel like we were able to cover a lot of ground.
She told me that if he is autistic it's very low spectrum but she can see why we would think he was. She also stated that he was very intelligent, not that autistic children are not, but said that he had created his own way to talk to us. Ex: she showed him a stuffed cow and asked him to say "moo". He got frustrated when he attempted and went to my purse - got his ipad and went to an app with animals. He picked out the cow - showed her - pushed the cow and it said "Moo". He started dancing around because he was proud of himself and she said that was very acceptable. It was acceptable because he was acknowledging that he knew what she was asking and created a way to repeat the sound - even if it didn't come from his own mouth.
Our half hour 1 on 1 was a little more taxing b/c once I entered the equation he got super anxious. He was very touchy and wanted us to leave. He didn't like that she was telling me about the hour. He doesn't like to hear us talk about him in this context. So we need to be careful when we are explaining his 'actions' too b/c he is listening and it does upset him.
 We talked a lot about discipline and limitations. She said he was super agitated that he couldn't express what he wanted or that we weren't understanding him. He does lead or guide you to what he wants but when it's not given he gets upset. Not b/c he is demanding or that he was 'acting out' simply because he didn't understand when we said  no and why. We need to do a lot more talking with him. Name everything. Repeat it. Don't punish him for things we think he should know. Like.. when in the high chair. .I know he can say "go" but to him "go" means leaving the house. So using 'go' to get down is confusing but it's what he can say. So say "down" and repeat it a couple of times then get him down.  Don't make him sit until he says it.. just repeat it every time and get him down. It's going to take a lot of discipline and repetition for all of us. So all in all we were told to put non basic discipline on the back burner until we could get our evaluations done and allow them to explain to us how he needs to learn. Don't let him get away with everything but demonstrate patience in learning his way of communicating. What we may take as being bratty may simply be his way of being agitated.
The story is he's very quiet. He never makes a sound, never throws a tantrum - well not really - but I do see that when he does it is out of frustration.
He doesn't have classic 'autism' traits in the manner that he makes eye contact, acknowledges his name (from everyone but me - lol), shows emotion according his age, and is interested in things within his age group - he isn't as withdrawn as I thought he was. I do need to find a playgroup for him and we may be assigned a certain place for him. We are moving forward and that's half the battle but we have a long road ahead of us.

Thanks everyone for reading this, thinking of us, praying for us and commenting. It means a lot to have a place to be able to express what we are going through.

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

here we go

I wrote a post about my sons new adventure with Dr's appointments & I'm happy to say that with all my due diligence we start speech tomorrow! We have our evaluation and we have our first appointment. I'm super nervous and excited for him. While completing the paperwork for tomorrow - I realized a couple of important factors that I hadn't thought of before. While my husband is gone I don't have anyone to talk too on a daily basis. Actually it's been really quiet for the past year and with that the lack of conversation in the home - I think it hurt him. While phone calls were sparse and while the bulk of talking is through texting and posts; he didn't hear them. I can talk to him all the time in a store but he's not hearing the volley of a conversation. I'm also aware that the lack of playing with other kids has hurt him too. I have made a point to take him to the park but all he really wanted to do was swing. I did attempt the Y very briefly - with not being able to work out and attending a swim class - there wasn't a lot of interaction.
I'm starting to see my faults here and that is super hard. Going through the motions of the day to day grind I missed the interactions, the volley of a real conversation. He thrives on the ipad games and his movies because it's conversation and I have once saw it - until now. With having little dude we have had people here for a solid 8 weeks now and we have had a volley of conversations. His verbal output has improved greatly! We went from saying two words to adding two more - Momma and "get down". He has also been trying to say his letters and his numbers and added extra grunts for other things. HOW did I miss this vital piece? 
You try to do things the best you can and when you see that you failed your child in basic things - man that stings. The good part is that I can move forward and adjust where I need too. PLUS the fact that Dad is on his way home will help with conversation flow. We have the therapy to teach the BOTH of us on how to adjust and move forward. I've joined a couple of mom groups through a new church I've been trying out. I've also got some other pans in the fire to see if that works.

I'll keep you all posted. 

Thursday, June 1, 2017

6 weeks postpartum

Funny. I have about 25 min before the baby erupts in ear curdling screams b/c he thinks I'm going to starve him. New meaning of waking up in a hurry on my behalf.. good lord kiddo give me a moment to get my shirt off.. sheesh.
I went to the OB today for my six weeks postpartum check up.. say what?! How has it been six weeks?! I tore part of my stitches at some point so I have an additional two weeks before I can return to regular business. Meaning not lifting more than 25 pounds, no tubs or pools, and he said I could briskly walk.. little does he know I've been doing way more than that for weeks now. (which is probably how I tore a stitch to begin with).  I was looking forward to focusing on getting back in shape.. I have a goal of being a MILF.. hey! don't laugh.. we all have dreams. lol
After my appointment I went to the commissary - without any kids - and I got hit on. Not just anyone but a upper rank!! That's so huge to me b/c I only get hit on by the young kiddo's - so getting hit on by a more mature man made me feel so distinguished. Yes, I'm weird but it's a whole new milestone when it's a dude out of his mid 20's. My self esteem needed the boost. Also noting it shouldn't have made me feel so good but 6 weeks after having my second kid! It was a major boost.

As I wrote before that I'm trying to redefine my life now that I've accomplished my overall goal to having kids. I bet infertility through invitro and I'm searching for who I am. My kids & my husband are a big part of who I am but I feel I need to rediscover who I really am and put my life in perspective. I'm still soul searching but being a Momma to these two little boys is pretty amazing. Well Little Dude just sounded his alarm and I have to go feed him.