Wednesday, June 10, 2020

Partner compassion

Right now with the world falling apart. With riots, face masks, crazy political propaganda & the world coming out of a 2 month hibernation... shit be crazy y'all. So I'm gonna create a dual post about uplifting our partners because we all could use some encouragement.

Men. Right now your women need you more then ever. I'm sure you think I'm about to talk about the kids being home... nope. In today's society physical manipulation is everywhere! False eye lashes, hair extensions, 3 pounds of makeup and contouring. All the you-tube video's teaching us how to slim our waists with slips, creams to remove bags under out eyes. It's a crazy world. Don't get me wrong some of these things I listed are nice and fun. I love my false eye lashes, I love my primer, and I love spanx. Here is what I propose. Start telling her how beautiful she looks when she doesn't have makeup on. Start wrapping her arms around her waist before the spanx goes on. Comment on little outfits she wears and little shirts she wears you like so much. Now.. if you haven't been doing this.. she's gonna roll her eyes and brush you off. She might even claim to have a 'headache' the moment you start your complements but stay diligent because she's listening.  On you way home grab her favorite bottle of wine, or starbucks drink or favorite bag of chips. Like that simple. Tell her how cute she looks when you know she feels a mess, make a pot of coffee and let her enjoy a warm cup. Take a joint shower after the kids go to bed and just wash her back; which is my favorite things after a long day. Maybe pop a bag of popcorn after the kids go to bed and watch a show with her with your phone off. You don't have to say a word, wrap a blanket over the two of you and just relax. Those little moments are so crucial after a rough day. Women have a lot of pressure. We have a ton of people telling us all how we are doing shit wrong, how old we look, how we aren't keeping up with life. As our significant other.. just take a moment to breath life back into us. We are very over touched and over censored right now because of our spawn. So don't do all this coping a feel because you'll lose your hard work - but if you are doing it right she'll respond to your passes. You know your girl. Think about those things she liked and likes. Showing you are paying attention means the world.

Ladies. Give yourself some grace. You are juggling ALOT right now. It's a ton or stress and most of us are going crazy. Don't forget about your husbands. Remember they are stressed out too. Remember to give your husbands a extra hug, a genuine smile, and compliment them on something positive. I think we forget how amazing our men are. Maybe he gets up on Saturday's with the babies. Maybe he always remembers the trash or empties out the dishwasher. Maybe he takes care of the laundry on the weekends or helps you change out the washer/dryer. Maybe he's completed his honey list, maybe he's come home and given you 20 min to yourself so you can hide in the closet. Whatever those little things are.. make sure you say thank you. I don't mean they need to end up between the sheets thank you's but something sweet and simple. My husband really appreciates when I acknowledge something that he has done to help me..

With all the uncertainty right now.. we need to remember to be kind and generous to our loved ones. The best way to keep the tension down in our homes is to give grace to one another and love each other through this crazy year. I can't begin to explain how important this all is. Call your parents, grandparents, siblings... spread some laughs and remember to tell our important people that they are loved. I hope everyone is doing good. Keep your heads up guys.... we are halfway through this crazy year...

Sunday, March 29, 2020

I gots a new address ya'll

Praise the powers that be.. we moved!!
Zillow was a absolute bust and a joke but they put us in contact with an amazing Realtor group. That realtor group listed our old house the weekend after we moved out and we got a above asking offer! We are currently in Escrow.
Peeps.. I love this house. I love every single thing about it. I, honestly, adore every tiny detail. We have cabinet space for days. We now have a laundry room to as before I shared it with the garage. Our backyard is massive. A playground directly across the street. Our neighbors seem so nice & it's quiet. Our driveway fits both trucks. Our back wall is all window and a huge sliding back door.. I'm just in love. The bedrooms are just perfect. 
Little girl wanted to share a room with her brothers.. so we have a double and twin bed in one room. They love it.. which left us with a extra room. We haven't decided what to do with that but guys.. we went from a 4 bedroom to a 3 and still have a extra room.

We moved in March 6th .. so we are still kinda tweeking spaces and unpacking. The husband has been home one weekend so far.. it's been stressful moving in but hey.. I'm so incredibly thankful that we moved. I'm so incredibly thankful that he listened to me and did this. I couldn't be happier. It's smaller then our old house but it's so nice. The kids are outside all the time and we can walk the quiet neighborhood. 

I'll have to post pictures soon as we get a little more settled. Unpacking with 3 misplaced kids is NOT for the faint of heart. My middle kiddo keeps asking when we are getting "new" house. He says every now and again "ok guys lets go home" meaning the old house. I absolutely do NOT miss the old house. I thought I'd have some sad residual feelings and I do not. We packed up on a Friday and poof we were gone. It's been so steady and I feel this is where we are meant to be. 

In a couple weeks I'll try to post more pictures. I'm so happy we moved. I'm so happy to be out of that old house. I'm so happy we are in Escrow with the old house. I'm so excited for what is to come. 

Tuesday, January 28, 2020


I've been keeping my emotions off facebook.
I've been silently dying to scream from the roof tops that we are very highly possibly MOVING!
Can I just stop and tell you that every fiber of my being is holding it's breath. Can I tell you that I've stopped a thousand and one times stopped and prayed this all falls together. I'm even going to admit that my closet is already full of packed boxes & I'm not stopping. 

You guys all know my Van was stolen out of my drive way in August. Since then I can't seem to shake the unnerving sense that we aren't safe. Then my husband came up for new orders and I panicked. what if we aren't safe? what happens if this happens again? how do i protect my little family? what if all the bad happens while he is gone & I'm all alone? 

 After searching and searching for houses in such a inflated market we found that we can't afford to move. I was heart broken. I started searching alarms, self defense classes, and even our Cali gun laws. I visited a new friend at her house a couple weeks ago, pulling in her driveway a light bulb went off.  We could sell our house and move into military housing!
 I walked through her house and saw all the potential in the world. I couldn't get home fast enough to blurt this all out. My thoughts were a mile a moment as I pitched my biggest sale to my husband. It took about two whole weeks of constantly bringing up the PROS b/c it also comes with the cons.
Then I prayed. 

After a very long prayer sesh, in my truck, I came home to my husband saying that he has agreed to 'look into it'. Which lead us to contact a zillow affiliate to do a cash offer for our home. We have been waiting to put in the paperwork for the housing until we figure out our house. Tomorrow we get our preliminary offer & it's looking very very promising. Then they do a 'walk thru' and give us a offer. All of which should be done in the next week.

If everything falls into place we will be moving a very short time span... weeks.. like quick. So fingers crossed this all works out.

I just want to add.. that while it may seem extreme to someone.. that I want to throw our equity out the door to rent.. I just wanna say that my peace of mind and comfort is worth WAY more then a mortgage payment. I don't think I need to justify to anyone .. that it was just a vehicle. That it was replaced and that should be that. My sense of safety for my family has been shaken & I feel in my bones that that is the RIGHT decision for us right now.
 It's not forever, but this is going to be our next chapter. 

Wednesday, January 15, 2020


Ever wake up and you just feel meh?
Like it doesn't matter if you clean the house or sit on the couch.. the outcome is the same.
 I mean logically that's not the case but my head space stays the same.
I doesn't matter if I put on make up and stay in my jammies all day.
 It doesn't matter if I nurse a cup of coffee for three hours
Some mornings I want to throw my responsibilities out the window, throw my kids in my truck and go to the park.
We have the time.. but I can't justify it b/c what I put off today I'll have to do tomorrow.
I hate days like this.
I know all days aren't happy go lucky - rainbow and puppies.. but man.

I think more and more parents feel this way. Alone and trapped by their own responsibilities .. wanting to play hookie from the demands.
I'm also at the point that I hate things by myself.
Sure a massage sounds great.. a hour alone.. alone.
Nail salon.. same thing.
Movie theater.. same thing.
Packing my kids up for a Starbucks drink... not as satisfying as it used to be.

What are things you do to break the funk?
How do you recreate a positive head space when you are down and blue?
How do you fight back and regain control?

Wednesday, January 8, 2020

'walk it out'

In 2018 I was diagnossed with Osteiitis Dessicans & in 2019 I was diagnosed with Diastasis Recti. 

Osteiitis Dessicans  is is a joint condition in which bone underneath the cartilage of a joint dies due to lack of blood flow. This bone and cartilage can then break loose, causing pain and possibly hindering joint motion.

Diastasis Recti description  "is 
Chalk it up to hormones and your ever-expanding uterus, says Kevin Brenner, M.D., F.A.C.S., a board certified plastic and reconstructive surgeon based in Beverly Hills. "During the gestational period of pregnancy, connective tissue called the linea alba thins out in response to a mother's change in hormone levels in order to accommodate the enlarging uterus. This is one important way that a mother's body changes to allow a baby to grow in utero," he says. Once you've delivered your baby, and your hormone levels return to their pre-pregnancy levels, that thinnging generally improves. Bun in many cases, Dr Brenner says, the tissues get so stretched out during pregnancy that they lose their elasticity and therefore, the ability to retract back into position - kind of like a overstretched rubber band."

So basically my back over compensated for my stomach muscles not being strong enough. BUT my back pain started when I had my 2nd kid .. not my 3rd like they keep saying. I was in horrible pain during my 3rd pregnancy.. and the Osteiitis Dessicans is why.. but I wasn't diagnosed with that until AFTER my daughter was born. To add to that I have a siatica nerve that is pinched in my left hip and after months of physical therapy they realized my hips are now tilted. And this is why will not be having a 4th baby. I do not feel my body is strong enough to carry the pregnancy and that makes me really sad because I'd love to add another baby to our family. 

So I stay in a lot of pain between my back a lot.. but I've been determined to overcome this. I have been in PT for a minute and it's starting to help. I feel like my will is stronger then the pain. I can't just keep living on Tylenol and I have to get back in shape for my kids.. yo.. it's a bitch trying to keep up with these kids. Keeping up with the house is a painful toll but I do it. I sleep with a heating pad.. it helps the muscles.

We also agreed to take the kids to Disneyland in April for everyone's birthday's. I'm NOT throwing another birthday party anytime soon. Now I'm starting to really re-think Disneyland b/c I don't know if I can walk this whole park for three days! So I decided to start walking with the two little's in the morning.. but damn is it hard to get going. I come up with every excuse under the books.. it's cold, the kids aren't going to cooperate, I need to get maze before I start b/c of creepo's, if I go then stuff around the house isn't going to get done..but I've got to do this or I might as well not even purchase our tickets. I did purchase a elliptical in Nov and a home gym.. I'm not allowed to use the elliptical just yet and we haven't put the home gym together.. but I bought them to help me work on this. I've got to put that strength back into core and allow my back muscles to get a little break. 

I know it takes 21 days to break a habit.. but starting is the hardest.. and I'm having the hardest time starting.... it's a little late now .. (see) but I'm going to set up my day for tomorrow.. because I have to start doing this.. have too.  Wish me luck!

Any tips or tricks.. send them my way.. 

Sunday, December 29, 2019

2019.. let it go..

What a year yo! 
We wrapped up 2018 with a trip to WA for the Christmas break.
We were driving back right after the New Year. 

When I go back through the months via pictures you can vividly see how our life slowly changed. 
it's crazy.. really. My little baby in the beginning of 2019 is now a toddler.

Last Feb my son flushed a rubber duck down our toilet and it cost us a new toilet. That's funny now. 


We took the kids 'sledding' & rented our first Air BNB in early March. That was a blast! My friends birthday.. the kids loved the snow, surrounded by our Navy friends.. in the SNOW. Man I love snow. 
we threw a joint birthday party for my 1 and 2 yr old. 
Nobody came. My girls came & celebrated my kids.
 I was so hurt & swore off birthday parties. 
This year we are celebrating all 3 in Disney. 
So I did learn. We got a bouncy house that my boys still talk about. 
OH and we got our first Golden Retriever - ROLLIE

Our Roomies moved out. 
We decided to get new floors and started spending weekends at Home Depot.
 We went to the zoo, alot, in our new quad stroller! 
We spent weeks looking for those damn Starbucks changing color cups. 
I also discovered Wal-Mart order pickup service... hmm heaven.

We went to the zoo a bunch!
We ordered our flooring.
We got a BIG above ground pool.
We started ripping our our old flooring! 

We started putting in our new flooring,
We ordered our sinks, counters and backsplash
I got a new i-watch b/c it fell off at a trip to Home Depot.
We used our bathtub as a kitchen sink & it was god awful.

**my two besties BOTH moved to WA & I lost my marbles.
Fell into a deep depression, resented everyone and everything - & absolutely nobody noticed.
 Good times.
We got our counters installed & our sink
Our backsplash came incorrect. 
My van was stolen out of our driveway in the middle of the reno -
adding to my resentment and depression - not that anyone noticed.
Officially nutty.

I was able to purchase my Chevy truck after the Van was found & totaled.
Somehow pulled myself out of my funk but continues to avoid people.
That was the most stressful situation I have ever encountered.
I've never felt so alone & powerless in my life.

We did our first official family trick or treating as Toy Story.
Realized I chased my brother & decided to stop.
Still was in a funk and avoided people.
Got my bedliner for my truck & added a flowmaster to the exhaust.
Started to feel better but very different.
 Good different. Empowered different.

Yo.. I don't give a f... Like at my lowest of lows I pulled myself back up because of my kids.
 My kids need me.. at least that's what I tell myself.
I don't want to be a frumpy house wife.. I want to be more.
I want to be strong and show my kids - my daughter - that I'm strong.
I don't need a man to hold me up. 
I don't invite people to shit no more and nobody invites us to shit .. lonely yo
I had this awakening and I don't care about nothing except my littles.

Had a VERY blessed and amazing Christmas.
We did it all. All the Christmas stuff. 
All the cookies. All the love.. 

** I know this took a crazy turn in August.. but for real. 
I was so low that I could barely get dressed or take a shower. 
I for real was lower then low. 
Not one person stepped up and helped me up. 
My husband just let me be & I swear that helped & broke me at the same time. 
I have never felt so alone, low and lost in my life. 
Here I am though.. I know people snicker when I say my truck saved my life.. but yo.. it did. 
It gave me a voice, it gave me strength.. it made me feel strong. 
When I had nobody else to lean on and these precious babies leaning on me.. man I found my strength. I also found my strength in prayer. I pray.. man I pray. 
I pray God gives me friends & he did. 3 strong women who always have my back when I let them. I hide feelings alot.. but I pray for self worth, strength, remindes me what is important.. 
I don't chase nobody. 
The truth can be dark so I wont apologize 


2020 is going to be wonderful! It's going to be full of growth and life. 
It's going to be a lot of reflection and learning. So here is to the New Year.. the chance to make some great changes, memories, decisions. A chance to appreciate the great people in my life that have been by my side - even by a distance. I'm going to keep climbing that mountain.. here I go! 


Monday, December 23, 2019

Merry Christmas EVE EVE..

I just can't believe that tomorrow is Christmas Eve for 2019!
 I mean I'm so happy to see this year be gone but man... it just flew by; sorta. 

I got all our gifts wrapped:
((I swear I'm going to finish painting our bathroom soon.. don't judge. lol))

We got pictures with Santa. 

We made sugar cookies galore: 

I think we did good! We got our tree up & the house with lights.
  ((yes the tree is 1/3 decorated b/c kids))

I think we are blessed beyond measure & I'm incredibly thankful for all the 2019 taught us. I'm thankful that my husband didn't deploy at all this year. I'm also incredibly thankful that we aren't pregnant... lol.. nor do I plan on being again. I'm so proud of my elliptical and home gym purchase so I can workout at home. I'm also so insanely thankful my minivan was stolen and totaled and gave me the chance to purchase my beautiful Chevy. I am so in love with her. 

I am ready to ring in the New Year. 
I am ready for all the new lessons and trials & triumphs that comes with 2020. We have a lot of plans for next year - My sister fly's in & we are going to Disneyland. We are talking about a trip to Texas and I think we are going to Washington again next Christmas to be with our friends.

From my family to yours.. I pray you have a very blessed, safe and full filled holiday. 

Monday, November 25, 2019

all about the benjamin's baby

I'm 38 bitches!! 

Hello new earthly year! 
This year it's going to be all about being selfish & the benjamin's. 
I'm going to buckle down and really try to save. No, I wanna be as frugal as fudge, which is absolutely NOT in my nature. I think we've hit the age with our kids to be outside more, we decided to take the kids to Disney for a all inclusive 3 day birthday celebration. 
(you get a day, you get a day and you get a day!)  I got all 3 kids Mickey (and 1 Minnie)  Mouse Junior Cruiser 'bikes' from Santa /// shhhh. My goal is to take them to this cute little walking trail by the house and let them run over strangers while I attempt to 'walk'. 
You're Welcome! 
I've already limited my whole wardrobe to workout attire, since all I do is either run errands or clean the house. I do shake things up with switching between my 6 yr old Nikes and 2 yr old flip flops. Occasionally I throw my fake ugg boots on.. So I think we could manage keeping up with some Mickey & Minnie high flyer's.. oh yea.. 

Part of the selfish portion of this is getting more active.
I've already been collecting weights and kettlebells. I've also aquired a couple stretch bands too. 
 I want to be out of the house more. I'd like to make it to the park so I can get a little exercise in. I am trying really hard to talk myself into a elliptical but the husband said it would just become a fancy clothing hanging device.. but I really waaaaaaaaannt one. 

 I'm going to try with every fiber in my being to not walk into a Target... yep I said it. I swear I get charged a $200 cover fee for just walking in.. so if I can't send the hubby.. then no Target. I know that's extreme but he has WAY better self control then I do. Well he doesn't get caught up by boots for our daughter (that she grew out of 3 weeks later) or themed t-shirts for the kids (bc thanksgiving is a holiday too - yo) and for sure isn't going to buy the 337th coffee mug I DIDN'T NEED. 

I'm sure I'll add more to my list but for right now this is the directions i'm going in.. 

Wednesday, November 13, 2019

November's menu

Let me say that I never in a million years thought I'd live off of lists to organize my life. I followed this facebook page that stated that making lists are a waste of time. To that I fully disagree b/c my life runs on lists. Cleaning lists, shopping lists, to do lists, to call lists and what to cook lists. Like all things - it takes a moment to create, to put into place and to get used to using. I'm not prefect but if I can grab an extra 20 min to spend with my kids or kick back and relax.. it's thanks to a list I followed.

I started creating a menu for everyday of the week.I got tired of buying food we didn't use and staring at the frig at 5pm trying to figure out what to make for dinner.  It has made my grocery list and my days so much easier. So I decided to share the 9 days I've done so far.. and some future ones if you'd like to follow along. All of the recipes, majority, are on my pinterest page under "food".. but I'll link them in for ya.

4th - Crispy Chicken Cobb Salad
5th - Tacos
6th - Steak & Veggies
7th - Pot Roast
8th - Frozen pizza
9th - Pioneer Women's Pot Roast
10th - Chicken & Bacon Pasta 
11th - Spaghetti & Meatballs
12th - Frozen meal
13th - Creamy Shrimp & Mushroom Pasta

14th - Steak & Veggies
15th - Frozen Pizza
16th - Skinny Fajita Soup
17th - Frozen meal
18th - Insta Pot Tuscan Chicken Pot
19th - Chicken Ceaser Salad
20th - Chicken Avocado Burrito
21st - Hamburger Beef Stew
22nd - Frozen Pizza
23rd  - Crock Pot Been & Broccoli
24th - Hamburgers

I did the whole month up until Dec 4th.. but I'll leave this until after the 18th and I'll add the next months' worth. We do pizza Friday's because my son got approved for his new therapy so it's a long day. I also included Frozen meals.. which could also be 'left over' days .. but we buy already pre-made meals that you either stick in the oven or warm it up in a fryer pan. If we skip a day b/c we end up eating out then we do that day the next day and it all just slides over.

Try it out.. let me know what you think! Try a recipe? Let me know how you liked it! Have a fav? Share it with me so I can add it to my menu...

Thursday, November 7, 2019

Life n Music

My world can seem so crowded with negativity and surrounded by even more tasks and voices. There are days I just need a music day. Ya know the kind.. where you plug your music in and just let it all out. The thoughtful songs, the teary ones, the happy dance around the house ones.. the music that speaks to you. I have been doing this quite often recently I love a house filled with music so I turn on the music channel and listen while I do my chores. It makes me so happy and carefree and sometimes I find a new song hidden without those tunes.

If you follow me on Facebook.. then you have seen that I am sharing a song a day this month.. well until my birthday. It's because Halloween made me realize everything about what I am doing is wrong. Chasing the wrong people. Not appreciating the ones who are in my life. Filling my day with drama and negativity and just blah.. so I decided to flip the switch. These have been a great 7 days!!

I sent flowers to my sister & my best friend. I bought someone's coffee behind me a couple of days this week. All because I feel people feel so devalued.. I want to make someone smile for a moment. While at Target yesterday I was being super cheecky with the checker. She seemed so bored and blaaa .. SO I got really animated about how I only came for 4 items and walked out with 20. I stressed that only 4 items a couple of times.. then talked about how the bulls eye is hypnotic... she laughed and laughed. It seemed genuine and it made me feel really good. 

I don't really have an event planned a day.. I just pray on it until the idea comes to me.. or that voice says "buy the coffee for the person behind you". If I can't find someone outside my house then I just flood my husband with silly stuff.  Because I undervalue my husband A LOT. He's annoying and comes across like a 14 yr old boy with his xbox but I do undervalue him.

With my meal planning, house cleaning and song a day schedule I've created a bit of free time I didn't have before. I am really happy with the way this week has turned out so far. I hope I keep it going. I don't know what I'm going to do this coming week but I'm sure I need to spice it up a notch. I was actually thinking of buying 20 blankets off amazon to hand out to our homeless community. I do want to buy someone's Thanksgiving turkey .. or a couple of people... but I'm going to have to really think about those items.

We have a friend hosting a early Thanksgiving dinner this weekend & we are bringing two side dishes. I'm thinking I might pick her up some flowers since she has been a good friend. I'm sure it will come to me as I keep praying over it

In my next post I'm going to share my months menu with you guys in case someone else is interested in meal planning and because I'm super proud of myself. Most of my recipes are on my pinterest board so I'll try to add links.

Thanks for reading!!! Leave a comment below to let me know you stopped by!!