Monday, August 12, 2013

Frustrated noise.

Today I am writing in frustration over my weight.

On May 21st, 2012 I weighed 152.62
On August 12th, 2012 I weighed 164.20
On March 26th, 2013 I weighed 172.00
August 12th, 2013 I weighed in at 185.01

I am at a total and complete loss.
I workout almost everyday. I eat right making sure our house is loaded with fresh veggies & fruits. I cut out the starches & all sweets too. The occasional beer (or beer pong nights) followed with the monthly Friday pizza night - shouldn't be affecting such a rapid spike in weight.

Yes, I took two full months off this year. June & July were not schedule friendly due to my trip to Arkansas and other things going on. During those two months I didn't over eat, I didn't go crazy with fast foods & I invested in drinking a lot more water. I dropped my coffee intake & switched over to a warm cup, or two, of tea a night. My activity level has dropped but not significantly enough to express a sharp weight incline. UGH!

I constantly hear different opinions on what I should be doing and it drives me insane! My husband pushes me so far but I don't always agree with his 'pushes' - like today. " I noticed you did your whole two miles on level 1, tomorrow you should bump it up to level 2. You should also cover your screen and push your body as far as you can. You are teaching your body to quit at a certain point by watching miles and time." ok, so it's not horrible advice.. but it pissed me off. I watch the 'track' screen & push myself to do a whole lap, or a whole two laps before I let myself drop in speed. I also push myself in intervals around the track when I feel like I just want to walk off the elliptical all together - so it frustrated me to be critiqued.

I agree that I don't push myself. I get angry for leaving the gym after just doing 2 miles on the elliptical. I know I should be adding more to my workouts, like we were doing before. I'm also aware that I'm terrified of this stupid benign tumor & afraid that it's going to burst. I know that I allow myself to quit easily instead of pushing for 5 more steps or another quarter of a mile. I just don't know why his advice or anyone elses really bothers  me with my workouts.

I reached out on facebook for a female workout buddy. I got a girl who responded with selling 'beachbody'. I already have insanity & we don't use it right now - why? Because my husband can't do the workouts due to his knee surgery last year.. so we are waiting to start using it again. I'm not a self motivator. I don't wake up, on average, and jump out of bed thinking of a run or a video workout. I need that person next to me to push me through these regimens to get it done. That's a cop out! No it's not. I know what works best for me & my self motivation isn't as high alone as it is with a partner.

Once my husband leaves our workouts & goes to change I feel lost. If we do a full cardio hour, like today, after that I look around the gym lost. I have no idea what machines to use, which ones complement each other, and I feel dumb. I literally just stood around waiting for my husband to hurry through his shower this am.. lost like a stray dog ... looking around with wide eyes. It's humiliating!!

I really think I need to invest in a personal trainer at this point. I'm beyond frustrated and irritated. I love working out with my husband but an hour just isn't enough to get through it all.
If we show up on base at 6am we have an hour to complete our workouts together. I've put a lot of pressure on myself to get into a routine and drop some of this weight before we get pregnant! All I wanted was to drop 25 pounds a year ago.. and now I need to drop almost 32.4 pounds to meet where I was last year!!!! (side note I wasn't even working out this time last year! I joined a 24 fitness just for the cardio classes, which I hardly ever attended.) And a whopping 60 pounds to achieve my 125 pound goal.

I'm so beyond frustrated and annoyed! I'm not giving up but I am just at a loss on what is happening!!  It seems like the more I workout the more I gain.. so I dunno. It's just annoying to know that I can't fit in the jeans I bought last Nov for this fall ... it's embarrassing to continue to be asked "how far along are you", and it's even more defeating to know I'm putting forth the effort in both eating correctly & working out.

I just needed to vent.... ugh.


  1. I feel your frustaration. I work my ass off and never drop weight, but I can maintain. Some things to consider... you are older, maybe just a year, but our body starts to respond different. Some of that IS muscle, I hate when people say that to me, but it is true. Fruit has a lot of sugar, if you want to drop weight, ditch the fruit. Also, most importantly, check your meds. Are you on new ones? Are some of the side effects weight or water gain? I added 15 lbs when my doctor put me on meds a few years ago and was in tears because I kept gaining and did not know why. It is hard! Hard! But don't give up and even though you are confused and lost in the gym, just get ona machine and do it, most of us are the same way.

    1. First: the only meds I am currently taking is a birth control pill (which could explain some weight gain).
      ~ I do see how muscle could be contributing to the weight gain considering all my weight is centered around my midsection. I've noticed that my back, thighs and calves have definitely changed.
      ~ I also think my lack for 'quick results' demotivates me to keep going. I want to run a mile or two and weight myself to see I've dropped 5 lbs... which is totally unrealistic.
      * I read a entry somewhere about doing workouts geared towards your age group ( and your blood type) that really target certain areas. I don't believe that we can be confined to age groups because everyone is so different. I don't live the same life other 32 yr olds may live... so putting us all in one bracket doesn't seem fitting. But that's my opinion.
      Thank you. I appreciate the motivation.. I'm not quiting I just need to figure out what works for me. And YOU have been a HUGE inspiration in my workouts/ runs.. btw! <3, Mrs. P

  2. I am so sorry you are feeling so frustrated, but I can completely relate. I do not work out in a gym because I do not know enough about the equipment, am super self-conscious (I just KNOW I am doing it wrong), and don't want to do it by myself. I have a home eliptical machine that I use. As for the weight gain when you are working so hard to lose- I can't offer any advice because I do not know what you are already doing, or what you have already tried. For me, I cut out all processed sugars, all sodas and caffienated beverages, even juices. I also cut out beef, and moved to fish and chicken. I know we are all different, but those changes lost me five pounds in a week with no differences in my home work out. As for getting a personal trainer- do it! At the very least they can offer you better pointers because they will know what you are doing and what you have tried! Best of luck!

    1. Yes, you get it!!! I workout on BASE so yes I'm already watched & them knowing I use a machine wrong is do daunting. I don't do 'diets' or 'pills' - I'm a believer in dropping it by sweat and smarts. I don't fattening foods (all the time) and but I'm not a gym rat either. I don't drink sodas, but I would agree that the coffee intake hurts my weight loss. (even though coffee is mostly water, it's the added creamers/sugars that make coffee bad). OMG I couldn't cut out beef.. this Texas girl loves her steak! We do eat a lot of fish and chicken though.. and veggies and fruits.
      The base gym offers a personal trainer, but we weren't able to coordinate our schedules.. I'll definitely look into that again though.
      Thank you for you comment! You gave me a lot of things to think about and check into.. and motivation. So thank you!!!! Mrs. P