Today I am writing in frustration over my weight.
On May 21st, 2012 I weighed 152.62
On August 12th, 2012 I weighed 164.20
On March 26th, 2013 I weighed 172.00
August 12th, 2013 I weighed in at 185.01
I am at a total and complete loss.
I workout almost everyday. I eat right making sure our house is loaded with fresh veggies & fruits. I cut out the starches & all sweets too. The occasional beer (or beer pong nights) followed with the monthly Friday pizza night - shouldn't be affecting such a rapid spike in weight.
Yes, I took two full months off this year. June & July were not schedule friendly due to my trip to Arkansas and other things going on. During those two months I didn't over eat, I didn't go crazy with fast foods & I invested in drinking a lot more water. I dropped my coffee intake & switched over to a warm cup, or two, of tea a night. My activity level has dropped but not significantly enough to express a sharp weight incline. UGH!
I constantly hear different opinions on what I should be doing and it drives me insane! My husband pushes me so far but I don't always agree with his 'pushes' - like today. " I noticed you did your whole two miles on level 1, tomorrow you should bump it up to level 2. You should also cover your screen and push your body as far as you can. You are teaching your body to quit at a certain point by watching miles and time." ok, so it's not horrible advice.. but it pissed me off. I watch the 'track' screen & push myself to do a whole lap, or a whole two laps before I let myself drop in speed. I also push myself in intervals around the track when I feel like I just want to walk off the elliptical all together - so it frustrated me to be critiqued.
I agree that I don't push myself. I get angry for leaving the gym after just doing 2 miles on the elliptical. I know I should be adding more to my workouts, like we were doing before. I'm also aware that I'm terrified of this stupid benign tumor & afraid that it's going to burst. I know that I allow myself to quit easily instead of pushing for 5 more steps or another quarter of a mile. I just don't know why his advice or anyone elses really bothers me with my workouts.
I reached out on facebook for a female workout buddy. I got a girl who responded with selling 'beachbody'. I already have insanity & we don't use it right now - why? Because my husband can't do the workouts due to his knee surgery last year.. so we are waiting to start using it again. I'm not a self motivator. I don't wake up, on average, and jump out of bed thinking of a run or a video workout. I need that person next to me to push me through these regimens to get it done. That's a cop out! No it's not. I know what works best for me & my self motivation isn't as high alone as it is with a partner.
Once my husband leaves our workouts & goes to change I feel lost. If we do a full cardio hour, like today, after that I look around the gym lost. I have no idea what machines to use, which ones complement each other, and I feel dumb. I literally just stood around waiting for my husband to hurry through his shower this am.. lost like a stray dog ... looking around with wide eyes. It's humiliating!!
I really think I need to invest in a personal trainer at this point. I'm beyond frustrated and irritated. I love working out with my husband but an hour just isn't enough to get through it all.
If we show up on base at 6am we have an hour to complete our workouts together. I've put a lot of pressure on myself to get into a routine and drop some of this weight before we get pregnant! All I wanted was to drop 25 pounds a year ago.. and now I need to drop almost 32.4 pounds to meet where I was last year!!!! (side note I wasn't even working out this time last year! I joined a 24 fitness just for the cardio classes, which I hardly ever attended.) And a whopping 60 pounds to achieve my 125 pound goal.
I'm so beyond frustrated and annoyed! I'm not giving up but I am just at a loss on what is happening!! It seems like the more I workout the more I gain.. so I dunno. It's just annoying to know that I can't fit in the jeans I bought last Nov for this fall ... it's embarrassing to continue to be asked "how far along are you", and it's even more defeating to know I'm putting forth the effort in both eating correctly & working out.
I just needed to vent.... ugh.