Saturday, August 10, 2013

Scared senseless

If you follow me on Facebook then you know that I'm totally terrified of the my procedure this week. I'm getting a "Saline Infused Sonogram" done on the 13th of August. I've been preparing for this exam for over a month.. according to my birth control pills anyway. I'm both anxious and nervous to finally get this procedure done. Why? Because I am fully of worry; which causes stress.

I'm worried that something is really wrong with my uterus: since the procedure will let us know if there is anything wrong and if I could even carry a baby.
I'm worried that the polyp is keeping me from getting pregnant: which is another reason why this procedure is so important.
We will also get the blood & sperm analysis results from my husbands tests... which will also allow us to know what direction we go from here. There are so many ways this appointment can go and I am praying that everything is normal & there are no issues with either one of us. Reality though is a bitch. A hardcore bitch. It's the point past the prayers that lead me to stress out to no end. I'm terrified that something is so horribly wrong that it will shatter all my baby dreams. I can't even begin to form a thought around that sentence without tears burning my eyes.

Thursday I took myself to the beach with a pregnant friend. That wasn't the best decision considering I wanted to get my mind away from babyland. It was nice, however, to talk this stuff out with someone who has been in my shoes. Who is to say that I'll be as blessed as she was after this procedure???

I'm thinking about staying at the beach, in hopes of staying calm, until Tuesday morning. That's not a real possibility but it's a thought I am holding on too. All my chores are completed, for now, and I should be able to completely relax after Tuesday. I'm also hoping that we walk away with some answers and positive solutions on moving forward.

I wish I had the money to indulge in a spa day or immerse myself in a beach side cottage until the morning off.. but this isn't a reality for me. Even though my husband will be by myside the whole time, I feel as if I am doing this alone. I hate that feeling. This overwhelming pitt in my stomach is grossly killing my 'calm place'.

I'm going to attempt with all my might to stay calm and relaxed until then. I'm going to think of everything positive that could come out of this appointment. Hopefully next Wed I update you all with great news.. otherwise I'll be attaching my address for much needed alcohol supply donations.


8 comments:

  1. Good luck! My husband and I have been "trying" for a year now with no luck, and we're planning on making appointments soon to get us both checked out as well. It's a scary proccess! I wish ya'll the absolute best and figers crossed for good news for ya'll!


    www.iateskinny.com

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    1. Thank you. And good luck to you too. It's a daunting experience but there are so many women going through this. Most women keep it to themselves, and that is hard. You should go get checked out, it could be something really simple to correct.

      Thanks for the comment!

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  2. I'll be thinking of you! I had that same ultrasound done and it was a bit nerve wracking just because it was truly the start of our fertility journey. I know it's easier said than done, but try not to stress!

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    1. Thank you. it's so nerve wracking! everything else has come back great, so I'm anxious to hear what the issue is and hoping to get it corrected quickly. Thank you.

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  3. Hi! I'm Haley and I literally just read through all of your posts! I can't wait to follow along with your journey! I also was diagnosed with pcos when I was 14. Luckily, now my blood work shows no signs of it. I'm not planning on children any time soon, but it's awesome to see the journey that you've had through all of this! I can't wait to read more :) I'll be thinking and praying for you this week!

    xo
    Haley
    www.a-long-distance-love.blogspot.com

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    1. Oh wow we are right there together! high five for the no PCOS! Thank you so much for the comment & I will follow you back! It's nice to hear someone else who has experienced the same things.. thank you for the thoughts and prayers.

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