Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Tired.

Today was my 2nd visit with my new shrink & I think I have covered more ground with him then I did with the last. In two sessions I have learned how to calm myself, ways to relax, sleep better & appreciate more. I'm excited for the next couple of months because I can feel the positives carry with me for days after a session.

This weeks conversation was about being "TIRED".
You know trying to get that ONE person to be a part of your life. That ONE person that no matter how hard you try only uses you. The ONE person you want to give a damn about the things going on in your life, but you only hear from them when things are going bad for them? That ONE person you would love to love but they just won't let you....


The shrink told me that leaving a thread of communication on the table is good but focusing on creating those threads is bad. I find that I try to hard to make someone apart of my world & end up ignoring those who are already apart of it. I focus on a relationship that may never form hoping that if I say or do the right things they will jump on board. 
The truth is I'm tired.
I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of the lies, I'm tired of the hurt, I'm tired of the tears, I'm tired of constantly feeling inadequate. I feel that I haven't really appreciated those around me that do care. I just push them aside, taking for granted that they will always be there. 


My goal moving forward is to shop allowing this person & people to have control over my life. To stop from creating a post, or doing whatever makes in happy in fear of someone's opinion. In order to regain control over my life I have to stop allowing these people to have that control. The next time they call I will ignore it, the next time they write I'll wait to read it, the next time something in my life happens - I won't share it. 
The best part of advice he gave me was.. "if you have nothing new to share, then why talk to them?" That made perfect sense to me. I can't force someone to be a part of my life & I can't force someone to want to be the role I want them to be. I can embrace the positive relationships. 


I have too much good in my life for it not be embraced. I have to much joy to be sad because of one person. It's not really one person but I am tired of getting upset with the wrong people not being apart of my life. I think it's a sign of strength and growth to realize that I need to focus on the people who support me & who are there for me. I need to put my biological family wants aside and focus on this wonderful family I have before me. 





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