Monday, October 28, 2013

To move or not to move..

Good Morning Lovelies;
Hope everyone had a awesome weekend!!
These past couple of weekends the husband & I have been watching HGTV. This TV station helps us with some home improvement ideas or suggestions we would have never thought of. The past two weekends after watching "Love it or List it" my husband has been talking about moving. We just moved in our home Nov 2011.. so the thought of moving already isn't very settling to me. There are things that I would love to have that we don't {like a pantry} but overall I LOVE MY HOUSE. We could move 45 min further away from San Diego & buy a great house where we get more for our money. It would result in a longer drive for Mr P to work & back.. but again we would get a brand new house with a lot of top of the line appliances. We started our conversation with buying a house in three years there & then WHAM! we started a whole different debate.
Mr P stated that if we stayed in this house & paid more to the mortgage we could have it paid off by the time he retires {in 10 yrs}. So that started a topic on if we would remain in this house or if we would move. He said that he wanted to move back to Texas after he was done in the military.. my heart dropped. Yes, I'm proud I'm from Texas but I don't want to move back! There is a long list of reasons and a short list of things that I miss. Like Pine Trees, Squirrels, Thunder/Lightening storms and the people. He wants to move back to his home town and settle down close to his family. While I respect that I never saw us leaving California.
My family also lives in Texas & I have friends that still live there. San Diego isn't the best place or easiest to make friends. That much I miss from the Southern states. We talked about moving to Oklahoma to be between our families.. mine in Arkansas and ours in Texas. I never EVER thought I would be considering moving back to Oklahoma! The fact is Oklahoma gets snow & more seasonal changes and Texas doesn't offer a lot unless you move up past Dallas, which is 3 hours away from Oklahoma.
The point of this post is that I never thought about the 'after military' decisions. I never even considered moving from here. Now that the thought is in my head.. it's a constant debate. I hate the hot weather Texas & Oklahoma offers. Leaving 70* temps ~ along with the ocean & mountain views is insane to me. Ten years from now we will be established in our home & community. Our friends will come & go which is a reason I'm considering moving back to the Southern States. The military community isn't as open armed as one may think & making friends isn't easy. By the time you make a good set of friends they move away. I, personally, could see the benefit of moving back to Texas. The huge plus is that if we sell our house here it would buy us a HUGE house in Texas with all the luxuries we could want ~ I just want a pool.

To my military wife bloggers. How do you handle these conversations? How you put your thoughts in this? Ten years is a long time away but we all know our soldiers plan!

Thursday, October 24, 2013

No Protection.

Good Morning Lovelies!

Through all the madness of the world you think your house is your safety zone. You invite people in to share in the bliss you've created. I open my doors time & time & time again because it's the right thing to do.. but there are days when I wonder why. When it becomes about my {fur babies} I try to protect them as much as possible but I have learned we can only protect them to a point.

I'm not a parent. I've been around kids all my life. I've been around dogs all my life. I've worked with both dogs & kids. Personally I think I lean towards a dog more than a human. Not saying I would save a dog before a child. I just feel that animals have less than a voice since they can't talk or express what they are feeling. Obviously dog's feel or they would bark, bite or growl when someone is bothering / hurting them.

My pomeranian is 10 yrs old. He has been around children his WHOLE life. He has never jumped up and bitten anyone. He does have quirks where he doesn't like {anyone} to stomp their feet, hit another person, or run in the house. Everything else he just picks when he wants to play or tattle {bark}. These quirks are stated & posted as our house rules. Don't do these things.. the dogs will react. With that being said.

My roommates were in the kitchen, I was on the phone while cleaning my room & the dogs were in the living room. I heard the little girl start crying & then she went to her room with her Mom. Her step dad was smoking on the front porch & I went to join him. We made small talk and then he calmly said "Grizzly came out of no where & just bite {the kid}. what? when? yea. out of no where just jumped up and got her arm ~ about 10 min ago. what was going on in the kitchen? nothing. we were playing an he just ran out from under the kitchen table. how were you guys playing? we were hitting each other .. you know punching. She was hitting her fists on to my fists and then she pretended to kick me. ooh! so you were play fighting & you were hitting one another. Well, yea.. but the point is he just came out of no where and bite her arm. Did he break skin? Is she bleeding? Is she OK? No, there isn't a mark on here it just scared {the kid} and {the Mom}. well that's good. you guys have to remember that when the dogs are inside they don't like people hitting. At that we walked away & it wasn't brought up again.

So the next day my husbands asks me if I knew this had happened. I responded with 'yes but after the fact'. We talked for a while about what was told to the both of us & so on. In the end my husband said that we would have to put him down if he actually bites someone. I freaked out.  I'm not a cold bitch, I am sympathetic to the fact that it scared them. I also know my dog & know that he wouldn't have just 'attacked'. He would have barked first.. he would have got in between them but he would have never jumped & bit anyone. My husband said that more people are willing to upset a smaller dog then a bigger dog. The reactions are different by the other party.. you aren't going to piss off a Great Dane but you would a smaller dog. Yesterday {the Mom} would open her room door to look up & down the hallways.. if she saw a dog she closed the door & then her husband emerged. The little girl isn't really allowed to play in the house anyway so she has also stayed in her room. I'm so aggravated that they are tiptoeing my house because of an alleged bite. They won't talk to us about it either. My husband urged me to allow the dogs to walk around the house freely. It's their house & as far as we are concerned our dog did nothing wrong.

My husband & I have talked about this for three solid days. Her point of view is the correct one because it's her view. I know a child is more important, to society, then a dog. I just breaks my heart that Dogs have no rights and that I can't protect my babies. I can tell you when you walk in don't stomp your feet, don't hit anyone & no running in the house and if you do it anyway you'll to get your toe nipped. Even though i warned you about my dogs ticks you can have him put down. You can walk into MY HOUSE, aggravate MY DOGS and have them put down. I mean does this NOT sit well with anyone else???  I put a 'BEWARE OF DOG' sign up & you walk in my yard... my dog bites you.. the dog will be put down. I have NO WAY to protect my property. I have no way to protect MY DOG. I can't prove he didn't do it, except she doesn't have a mark on her. I can't keep them from saying it happens again. The only thing I can do is keep my dog away from them at all times. I have to keep both of my animals in THEIR home away from these people. That is the only way I know how to protect my babies.

I know to someone this sounds cold & mean. I know that some people, like my husband, don't view a dog or cat as a child. They don't have the same rights. If someone walked into your home & slapped your child.. what would you do? If someone walks into my home & slaps my dog... what can I do? I just feel that as a animal owner I don't have a way or right to protect my animals from people. Stating rules & disclaimers obviously doesn't work. Now I'm, honestly, terrified for my dog because I have no way to protect him. The bigger question is can you protect your animals?


Tuesday, October 22, 2013

SO FING PISSED

So the Dr's office called to let me know that we need another semen analysis done for the hubby & they scheduled a urology appointment for him. Until those are completed we will not be moving forward. They said that they will be putting us on the next round in JANUARY!!

Are you freaking kidding me!!

I have to stop these treatments for a WHOLE two months just to start them all over again b/c someone didn't put us on the next list!! I am thankful that they had that much faith to think it would the first round.. but COME ON!

There are some plus points to this wait but I'm so freakin' upset.. I just can't express how mad I am.
I just want to scream. I mean really scream. I want to throw something & scream. How does a fertility center NOT sign a patient up for the next round just in case?!?!

Monday, October 21, 2013

I guess we start over??

Good Morning!

Today was my first morning back at the gym in about 2 weeks. I can't believe that I allowed myself two weeks away from the gym! I feel so much better today & lord knows I didn't need to stay on my butt. Now to start my workouts all over again to maintain my quota. Today I'll be spending my day on pinterest looking up more workouts. Please follow me on pinterest if you would like, and I'll return the favor. You can find me here.  Speaking of following .. did you know that I created a new Facebook page for the blog??! If you aren't following me please do; you can follow me on facebook here. I'd love to have the chance to get to know you better!



So this morning I took my 4th pg test. Last week I took two & they came out Neg & I called my RE to be told that I took them too early. The next one I took at my PCM's office & this mornings was here at the house.. all four are NEG! I know this sounds like a stretch but the 1st on.. no 2nd line. The 3rd on the top & bottom of the line showed & then disappeared. The one today the whole line showed up and then faded away.  I'm so confused!! I thought you weren't supposed to see the line at all! I have no idea anymore. I already called the RE asking for the next step.. I guess I'll take a blood test & see what happens. I was excited because I am now three days late, but I guess the progesterone is keeping TOM at bay. The hubby & I have already discussed starting over with the treatments & he thinks I should stay in complete bedrest for the 2WW. Are you kidding?? Not going to happen.

Over this past weekend I started getting notices like crazy from NOOK. Someone ordered like 20 books off this account that had ALL my info! Including an old CC that I used to have with Ben's account. I'm guessing my old female roomie used my info to set up her NOOK. I called the number that was on the site & they told me that it would take FIVE business days to cancel the account. I deleted as much information as I could, once we got on the online account, but I wasn't happy that it would take 5 days to cancel the account! I contacted my old roomie & she informed me that someone stole her NOOK after she moved out.. hmmmm. Well at any case I've started the motions to cancel it.. including the books that were being processed for downloads. I'm aggrivated that it will take so long to cancel the account & think it's outrageous that the company would allow someone to continue to use the account. (The will still be able to download free books until the account is closed.) Shame on you Barnes & Noble.

Hope everyone has a great Monday & I will try really hard to leave comments on your blogs! I'm so bad at just reading them.. have a great day!!!



Friday, October 18, 2013

I'm addicted.


Hello. My name is Amy & I'm addicted to pinterest.

I mean how could you not love this site??! it has clothes, food, hot celebs, hair styles, nail polish colors, drinks, decor ideas... oh man the list just keeps going! 

Do we follow each other?? If not you can find my pinterest page here

Since it's Friday I'll share a couple of my top favs on pinterest RIGHT NOW
(which might change in the next 5..4..3..2..1)


Ok seriously - who isn't in love with this fall style?? I mean it's super comfy & super cute! I love the boots, the scarf & the layered shirts! 


I mostly use Pinterest for workout ideas. I kid you not. I find everything that I want to find - simple videos, to picture step by steps, to inspirational messages. I am 9-10 times looking to target a certain area when I go to this site. It's not failed me yet & I've created some fab routines out of this. 


OMG the food! If I'm not looking for workout routines then I'm surfing for food ideas! 
You want to find it, they have it! I've found some, out of this world, recipes on this site. Like the one above.. it's a house fav! I serve the chicken over butter noodles.. the artichoke is so amazing with this dish!! Ya gotta try it.. oh & it's SUPER easy!! 


Oh man this site gets me in so much trouble! I find the cutest things that I want 'to make' for the house! I mean this is seriously for me, it fits my home decor perfectly!

I know I don't have to sell you on Pinterest. I'm sure you all surf it on a hourly daily bases. I've found so many awesome things on this site that I don't know why I even use google! At nights the hubby plays his games & I prowl through pinterest.. I love the clothes, the hair/beauty tab, healthy tab & the food tab. I've created a months, budget friendly, menu from pinterest a time or too. Majority of the food is sublime! I really try to stay away from the 'cleaners' or the 'face improvement' suggestions. I've found a lot of pins that are just bs & some that are just 'how did i live without this!' pins. 

What do you look up on pinterest? What is your screen name so I can stalk follow you too! 







Thursday, October 17, 2013

Sick

Ugh..

this early morning I work up with a painful lymph node. It's on my left side & near my throat. I can touch it with my finger to pinpoint the spot.

I have felt extremely nauseous all day. I have a mild headache and a low grade fever.

I'm not sure if any of this is early pregnancy related.. but i feel like ass.

I have already made an appointment with my PCM for tomorrow in case it's the flu or viral. I also called me RE to make sure that this isn't a pregnancy symptom I should be concerned about - I'm waiting on a call back.

Anyone else experience this in early pregnancy??? Just curious.

I'm going back to bed before I throw up.

Hope everyone is having a fabulous Thursday!!

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

A Quick update

Hello.

Real quick update here because I really need to clean this house & I have a pinwheel tray to make. 
So after my post yesterday I went & bought a pg test (well a box of 3). I couldn't help myself so I took one, then one again this morning & called the Dr with the results. The Dr said it was too early to test & that I had to wait until Saturday the 19th & then take another one on the 21st. I have to call back on Monday to let him know the results. He said my negative test results are, in his opinion false negatives. It just proves that the hormones are out of my system, but the HCG levels wouldn't be high enough to indicate a pregnancy at this point.. HOW COOL IS THAT!! Well I have to find a way to keep myself occupied for another couple of days & keep taking this damn progesterone. 


Oh man most of my Halloween garb is out & throughout my house. I wouldn't be a true blogger if I didn't add some pics...

I have two of these that I bought at BigLots a couple of years ago.


Picked pinecones to put in a bowl.


2012 Scentsy Pumpkin warmer


Set of 2 with bats ~ found at BigLots.


The two bat tea light holders with my popcorn centerpiece.


Filled a square vase with popcorn seeds & put a vanilla glade candle in the middle.
Placed a ribbon around the square vase. 
Idea from pinterest.


What fall decor do you have around the house? 


Tuesday, October 15, 2013

I've gone Cray Cray!!

It's official I've gone Cray Cray!!

This weekend was the official 'hot mess' portion of my life.  Let me explain a couple of things.
I say this all the time but I don't cry very often! I talk about losing my cool & letting a tear or two crawl down my face on the blog but I don't cry in front of people. When I do, its 10x worse ~ I feel embarrassed & it makes me cry more ~ with that in mind I'll continue with my story.

Yesterday I went to get my hair done.

I'm in love with my hair & I'm in love with my hair lady. She is, what I call, a fertility veteran. She went through numerous IUI's & IVF treatments before finding a Dr who created the perfect combo of meds & she got preggers! Now she has 4 kiddo's & only one is a IVF baby. Once in her chair I unload with all the lingo & list of meds and we chat about symptoms. Mid way through my list of meds she asked me when I take a pregnancy test. I said the 18th without skipping a beat, which I had in my head was next Monday, when she showed me that it was this week. {Insert hyperventilation here}. I told her I hadn't processed the testing & she gave me a crazy look ~ which sent me into a silent tizzy. 

Now for those who have gone through the 2WW (week wait) then you know that you all but go nuts! Every symptom is either googled &/or cataloged. For me I like to look to make sure it's a symptom of the meds because I already know it's not a real symptom. When I get a symptom ~ like sore boobs ~ I start to freak out because to me no symptoms are good. That's not really logical considering both the HCG shot & the progesterone are actual pregnancy hormones, which create false-real symptoms. The symptoms start to drop off as you get closer to your test date.. which makes it a little easier. 

Once arriving home I tried to talk to the Hubby about the fact that this week was test week. He was playing a game & wasn't really listening to me while on the inside I was freaking out! Our roomies were in the living room too & I was trying to keep my voice calm and level. I talked about either buying a pee test or going to Balboa to take a free pee test. My female roomie stated that they have cheap generic tests & he just simply answered "buy the cheapest one". Which made this whole  BIG moment cheap, which instantly channeled the crazy lady in my head. I lost control of her & she took over. I started crying and throwing things around. I couldn't get my words out to explain my feelings or thoughts.. which made the whole show that much more embarrassing. After I felt like I had officially made everyone think I was insane, I stormed off to my room- threw myself of the bed and had an adult temper tantrum. {Side note: texting while you are angry isn't as gratifying as it should be! My iphone got a beating while trying to explain things out to my best friend Jeff.} Three hours later I came out from my room & the three of them were still talking about the damn game they were playing, which sent me off into another world wind of anger. Finally I got a moment to explain to my hubby, full of tears, sobs, snot buggers, and those weird bubbles you mouth form while crying and talking at the same time, that he has cheapened a moment that is monumental. 

For me I either start a new chapter or start all over. Starting all over comes with it's own extra's. It's not just the meds on higher dosages, it's The questioning which nobody tells you about. The silent torcher that every women on fertility meds goes through, even if they don't admit it.  Did I workout too much or not enough?, did I drink too much coffee?, Did I rest too much or not enough?, Did I google things to much?, Did the ONE day I cleaned the litter box just ruin this whole thing? What did I do wrong? What shouldn't I do this next round?... the list goes on and on. Then comes the bigger question.. Do I really want to do this all over again? Which in the end is always yes. So you take a deep breath and dive back into the whole routine again. For some you take the next battle alone - isolating yourself & not telling anyone why you are crying over a rain drop. Afraid that you will disappoint your support system, your husband & yourself. You've let yourself down. You failed.  {Now while you can't see me, I assure you that tear are flowing down my face faster than I can type.. because these are real & raw feelings.} I'm terrified to pee on that stick... scared that two pink lines won't appear & that I've failed. Lost in the thought of letting all of these sweet people down that have cheered me one from day 1. 

The final thing to remember with dealing with a friend who got a negative test. Hearing "aww I'm sorry", "it will happen next time", "oh no"... all of those crazy phrases people come up with actually hurt more. Why? Because you feel like a failure.. you feel like you've let everyone down. So hearing those phrases just make those thoughts a reality. So what do you do then? Grab a bottle of wine to have with her (well any kind of alcohol really), a box of chocolates, a huge cake with a TON of frosting, or plan a lunch date. Something that has NOTHING to do with babies or kiddos. You have kids.. try not to bring them into the conversation unless they are brought up.. knowing you were able to accomplish the ONE thing we just failed at.. it's a low blow. And last but not least ... this is NOT the time to announce that you or someone you or both of you know is pregnant. And yes I've had that happen to me before... please don't do it.

I want to keep saying "Thank you" to all of you for following along with me. It's easier to hide my tears behind a computer screen then it is to face someone - for me. So I really appreciate all of you who comment or simply read the cray cray emotions I'm currently facing. I do take a pregnancy test this week, but I have not decided which day I want to do it. Either way I just feel like I'm not ready to know, I don't know if I'm ready to handle a negative test.. even though i'm praying it's positive. 

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Extra Cautious.

First - I want to say that I have a hard time thinking of post titles.. so I apologize in advance if they don't make sense.

Second - I know that I wrote a post called the-decision but lets face it.. I need you gals. This 2WW is not as bad as I thought but I like that I can share simple stuff on the blog. Nobody has really commented on any of my posts about this but at least I have them written down to show our future kid.

So yesterday I went to the gym for the first time in a week. Last Thursday I had a early appointment, Friday my Father in law arrived at 6am, and well Monday - Tuesday we were just scared. Scared that we would cause our little embryo to leave its little uterus nest. I know the progesterone is like our little super glue holding our little embryo in but we are extra cautious. I finally went yesterday did 2 miles on the elliptical, our half mile walk around the base & a 1 mile stationary bike ride. Mr P is super cautious.. "don't lift any weights", "go really slow on the elliptical - like a walk", "babe, you are going to fast.. drop your speed to 5.0". It's sweet & annoying at the same time. I've been saying for months now that I want to control my weight gain & have a healthy pregnancy that included being at the gym. As I was leaving the gym I felt some cramping - just like the day & night before. I got home & called the Dr's office.

So. With the HCG shot & the progesterone shot it's normal to feel cramping.. very mild cramping. Like on a scale of 1-5 it should be around a 1. I usually feel my cramping around the time for a new dose of the progesterone. Anyway, "the cramping is totally normal & a good sign" she said "the cramping could signify implantation which you would feel considering the circumstances". {But if the cramping becomes more intense it could mean that the pregnancy didn't take}. I instantly felt better. I asked "in your professional opinion should I be going to the gym?" she said that if I had been a IVF patient it would be out of the question & that I needed to be taking it easy. She didn't see the harm in alight cardio workout or a simple yoga class but nothing more then that. She also said that spotting is usually associated with the progesterone & not to freak out if that occurs & she described what I was looking for if it was a 'bad' thing.

The hubby left me this morning all curled up in our bed & went to the gym without me. I guess thats his way of telling me to stay out of the gym. He is completely fitting the "Papa Bear" syndrome & we aren't even officially pregnant yet. Oh man this is all going to be so much fun! (dripping sarcasm) At this point in early beginning I can't seem to figure out what I want to eat. nothing tastes good & my body is craving something I haven't put my fingers on. Otherwise I feel the same as I did last week & the week before. My energy level has depleted since the start of the meds & hasn't returned. Hoping this is the start to a beautiful embryo wanting to become a baby.. fingers, toes, hair, & eyes crossed!

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Tired.

Today was my 2nd visit with my new shrink & I think I have covered more ground with him then I did with the last. In two sessions I have learned how to calm myself, ways to relax, sleep better & appreciate more. I'm excited for the next couple of months because I can feel the positives carry with me for days after a session.

This weeks conversation was about being "TIRED".
You know trying to get that ONE person to be a part of your life. That ONE person that no matter how hard you try only uses you. The ONE person you want to give a damn about the things going on in your life, but you only hear from them when things are going bad for them? That ONE person you would love to love but they just won't let you....


The shrink told me that leaving a thread of communication on the table is good but focusing on creating those threads is bad. I find that I try to hard to make someone apart of my world & end up ignoring those who are already apart of it. I focus on a relationship that may never form hoping that if I say or do the right things they will jump on board. 
The truth is I'm tired.
I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of the lies, I'm tired of the hurt, I'm tired of the tears, I'm tired of constantly feeling inadequate. I feel that I haven't really appreciated those around me that do care. I just push them aside, taking for granted that they will always be there. 


My goal moving forward is to shop allowing this person & people to have control over my life. To stop from creating a post, or doing whatever makes in happy in fear of someone's opinion. In order to regain control over my life I have to stop allowing these people to have that control. The next time they call I will ignore it, the next time they write I'll wait to read it, the next time something in my life happens - I won't share it. 
The best part of advice he gave me was.. "if you have nothing new to share, then why talk to them?" That made perfect sense to me. I can't force someone to be a part of my life & I can't force someone to want to be the role I want them to be. I can embrace the positive relationships. 


I have too much good in my life for it not be embraced. I have to much joy to be sad because of one person. It's not really one person but I am tired of getting upset with the wrong people not being apart of my life. I think it's a sign of strength and growth to realize that I need to focus on the people who support me & who are there for me. I need to put my biological family wants aside and focus on this wonderful family I have before me. 





Monday, October 7, 2013

another Dr update.

Friday was a big day for the hubby & I.
Before I can tell you about that I have to say this: Thursday I went to the RE (fertility Dr) & had a sonogram to check my eggs/lining. Which you can catch up here if you missed last weeks post. Wednesday night the hubby & I decided that it would be a good idea to tell facebook followers that our treatment didn't work. The reason behind that is stress & the fact that we have a ton of negative nancy's in our lives. I've had more than 4 close people in my life tell me that this months treatments weren't going to work. For that reason I went to my appointment on Thursday got great news and decided to write a post stating that our month failed & we were going to try again. Right or wrong (to you) I feel that we did the right thing - but of course I can't lie to my blogging friends.
So.. here is the real story
Thursday I went back to the RE to have my follicles checked & to see if the medicine they gave me thickened my lining. Not only did my lining greatly improve but my follicles were even better than Tuesday! The Dr started with my left ovary & we found 1 15mm, 1 17mm and 1 22mm follie! One the right side we found 2 22mm follies... which is wonderful news!!

This is a picture of one of the 22mm follicles that I had. From there we set up an insemination date for the next day. On Friday my father in law came in from Texas, which kept me a little calm. I also got a call from my best friends wife - giving me encouragement to think positive and calming thoughts. Mr. P & we went to the Dr together.. he dropped off the baby batter and then we waited a hour & half for my appointment. That was the longest hour & half of my life ~ kid you not.  
After the insemination process I had to lay on the table for a full 20 min. The hubby & I set and joked, laughed and I cried a little. It's a big moment to think this is how your baby's life is started. It's not what I ever imagined. I thought my child would be created in some moment of passion - not while laying on a cold dr's table. At the end of the day it's about holding your precious child, so I shouldn't be sad that I didn't get that natural moment of conception.. right? 
The Dr prescribed me some progesterone pills to take for two weeks. Progesterone is also necessary for implantation of the fertilized egg in the uterus and for maintaining pregnancy. So now I am taking 100mg twice a day until the 18th when I take a pregnancy test. The Dr was so confident that we will have a positive that he didn't want to spend much time talking about the alternative. All he said was 'call me after your pregnancy test & if it didn't work we will start all over".  We wont have an official pregnancy until after Nov 15th (six weeks) but on the Oct 18th we will know if procedure worked. It will take another 4 weeks, which is where Nov 15th comes in at, that the pregnancy holds.  

I appreciate all the support you guys shower me with. It's amazing how something so routine could be so life changing. As I said before I am keeping a lot of the details with close friends from here, but I wanted the moment documented on the blog just in case. I can say that if this little egg decides to form into a baby - it will be loved from the moment the conception is confirmed. 


Wednesday, October 2, 2013

So the Dr said....

hello.
I have the house to myself - which is a first in about three months. While I want to simply lie around the house eating tons of chocolate.. my FIL will be here on Friday & I must press on.

I went to my RE (fertility Dr) yesterday for, what I thought, would be my insemination scheduling and a sonogram. I had my sonogram done & then he asked me to get dressed and come to his office. I can't say that I don't feel like a kid in trouble walking to the principal's office awaiting my punishment. He is super sweet & I hate putting those two things together.. but every time he says that I clench. During my sonogram I saw 3 follicles, he took measurements of all three - printed out the pictures and I got so excited. Once sitting in his office his expression changed to a sympathetic expression and I lost every ounce of hope I walked in with. He said my follicles weren't mature enough yet & told me to take the Gonal F shot two more times. I took it yesterday (at the office) and just gave myself today's... so that's a total of 4 Gonal F shots in five days.
Gonal F is a :Follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH) is a hormone found in humans and other animals. It is synthesized and secreted by gonadotrophs of the anterior pituitary gland.[1] FSH regulates the development, growth, pubertal maturation, and reproductive processes of the body. FSH and luteinizing hormone (LH) act synergistically in reproductionwikipedia definition
Aside from the extra doses of this 'lovely' hormone I was told that my uterine lining wasn't strong enough to do the procedure. Since we have to wait on the follicles to mature he put me on a medicine to strengthen my lining. It's a estrogen pill that I enter into my whoha twice a day for the next five days (fun!)

Aside from all of this I am praying that everything is ready to go for tomorrow's appointment. I lost all ounce of hope for this round by him explaining the unforeseen issues that I'm having thus far.I know that I shouldn't lose hope, but we haven't even got the HCG shot or the insemination..
Did I mention that my Father & Brother will be here Friday am? I mean how much more ackward can things be? Sorry guys but my uterus and ovaries are kicking my butt right now, I'm gonna go lay down for the remainder of the month. Thanks for coming! 

I have no energy.. the Gonal F seems to take about two hours to kick in & when it does watch out! I'm moody, I'm sweaty, I'm mean and all I wanna do is eat, sleep & cry. I have been forcing myself to go to the gym every morning, which does make me feel better. As you read through this it sounds like a ton of complaints... but really I'm excited. I'm excited to see my FIL, I'm excited to go tomorrow to see how many follicles are ready, I'm excited to receive a 'go ahead' date so we can schedule the insemination, and I'm excited that my husband is SO amazing with all of this!

Praying this month it just takes.. that all this 'extra' stuff was the ticket to success. Even though I say I don't want to do this again, I know I will keep trying... but overall I think I've done a great job handling all these meds! I mean I went to Wal-Mart today & didn't hurt anyone! That's a HUGE plus - lol!

Thanks for listening & reading all of this.. I am really excited and just praying these meds work. I wanna be a Mommy......