Monday, March 31, 2014

talking about pregnancy.

Let me start this by saying I'm not pregnant.
I think that dealing with people who are having trouble having a baby is hard. I find that I tiptoe around certain words or phrases among fellow fertility friends - we all handle things differently. I find it very offensive to not be told or excluded from someone's pregnancy. I, however, can respect ones apprehension on being afraid of how a friend who can't conceive would react. I'm not the type of person who dramatically falls to floor screaming and crying when I hear a girlfriend tell me she is expecting.

I have had some horrible experiences with women during and after their pregnancies. While I am thankful that people are so cautious of my feelings - I'm not a walking time bomb. There are some that aren't so thoughtful. For example:

When I first started my infertility journey two good friends of mine found out that there were expecting. One friends solution to dealing with the 'unknown' territory of how I would respond was deleting me off social media. The other friend of mine told me through a PM & made sure I wasn't upset. They both delivered within weeks of each other and the outcomes were very different. I embraced the friend who told me and even made sure to purchase a baby shower gift. The other friend, however, lost my friendship. I found that it was rude to not trust our friendship with such wonderful news and it hurt me to know that she couldn't share this amazing part of her life with me.

A friends sister had a baby and we visited. Every time I held the baby the parents acted like I was going to bolt out the door with the newborn. It made me furious. I do want a child but I assure you I don't want yours. I may openly share my fertility experience with people but that doesn't mean that I'm an emotional train wreck when I see a baby. I may like to hold, and smell, a newborn baby but I promise that I have every intention of creating my own.

I'm thankful I have friends who openly share & include me in their pregnancy. I love seeing ultrasound and baby bump pictures. I'm also very humbled when I get to hold a baby. Getting to hld a new baby is such a special moment. I'm ecstatic when people ask me to feed, hold or soothe their babies. I'm also overjoyed to share in birthdays, baptisms - etc.

If you have a friend who is dealing with infertility - the important part is to talk to your friend. Be honest and open. Don't rub in her face but be happy about your pregnancy. The worst thing for me is to see a miserable pregnant women. Don't hide your pregnancy, don't forget to invite them to the shower or not include them on baby pictures. That hurts way worse.

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