Friday, May 23, 2014

Orders.

Orders.
It's the single most terrifying and thrilling word in a Military home.
It could mean a couple more years with friends you've made in a place you are semi familiar with or it could mean that you & your family will be starting over................ again.

My husband picks new orders next month. He keeps checking for open billets and so far there is nothing in San Diego for his rate open. I'm terrified. I know that since we bought a house the chances of us leaving are slim which means.. that if he does get out of state or oversea's orders it will be unaccompanied. Meaning.. alone. He will go to a new place by himself without me and leave me here to keep up the house he bought in his absence.

Sounds cold doesn't it? I mean what wife wants to be left behind? Certainly none that I know. Maybe because I'm taking it so damn personal or maybe because a house in an object that can be left behind. Maybe I know my husband enough to know that he has been talking about orders to Japan for a while now.. so if he got unaccompanied orders there I wouldn't be surprised at all. I'm actually expected in.. anything else would shock me.. honestly.

As a Military Spouse you want to encourage your spouse. You want them to excel. Excelling means better housing, better pay and more time home. Of course those are the unwritten codes.. along with keep quiet and neat. Don't cause a fuss in FRG meetings. Try to make friends with wives from the command. Oh and the biggest two, in my opinion, understand what your husband does & be able to explain or ask questions. Always be presentable not slutty but not too over done.

If it sounds like I'm not in love with my title, you are wrong. I'm angry at the man who gave me that title because he is telling me that he will pick orders far, far away and I can't seem to not take that personally. Sure I can run this house, I can maintain the yard, I can carry on with my life in his absence for the next two years. (assuming he'll get Japan orders) Does it mean I'm happy about it? Hell no. We promise to love the man not he uniform.. but sometimes they are one in the same. Sometimes our soldiers don't leave work at the curb. Sometimes it's hard for them to 'transition' back into home life. And sometimes before a change our soldier shuts us out and we feel alone before they even pack a bag or leave.

People want to sugar coat this lifestyle. They wanna tell you that we got awesome benefits, and other families have picnics on the weekend and all the kids play together. They wanna advertise a strong united couple who are ready to face anything that may come between them. In a weird way it's not a lie but it's not the truth. They don't tell you that during his career you will be alone most of the time, that friends are hard to make, that you make the best friends apx 6 months before you, or they, PCS. Oh the chances of you finding a job as a spouse are also slim.

Again I wouldn't trade it for a moment because I'm married to the most amazing man. I love that he serves his country and I love that I get to be in the position to help him. There are just times when I feel like we aren't given all the information on what to expect as a Military Spouse. I'm also very angry right now but I promise that I love being a military spouse it's just really hard at times.

Feel free to talk to me about this post on facebook.

11 comments:

  1. It might be just me, but why would you not, like every other home-owning military family, rent the house out so you guys could be together? ESPECIALLY OCONUS orders? There is not a single thing in this world that would keep me from being with my husband, if I could be with him. I seriously hope you all talk through this issue with a Chaplain or somebody so you can get your & his priorities straight. New orders doesn't mean you get left behind, dear.
    And I know this probably comes across as preachy, and that's not at all how I want it to come across (you know how things get mixed up on the internet)!

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    1. It's all how you take it. Every branch and every MOS is different. My husband had a chance to go to Korea and chose to take me or leave me here. I helped make the choice and to preach without knowing the entire MOS or branch information is biased. Just because one husband can do it - doesn't mean every husband can do it. I don't blame her for staying with the house. I am a home owner with a house in another state, it's not easy for some to just 'up. leave. rent. and everything be peachy keen.' Think about that one.

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    2. Elizabeth, people don't take care of your house the way you would and most require a property manager. I'm also not willing to have someone else raise my animals for me. I can't explain to them what we are doing and why we will be gone for three years. Besides my baby is 11 and I can't leave him behind for three years.. Id never be able to live with myself if he passed while we were gone.
      I can stay by myself.. I can the point of the post was to show that this life style isn't all glam. It's about struggle and decisions. It's about sacrifice and change. I don't need a chaplain.. my marriage is solid and fine.. I promise that. Again that wasn't the point of the post.
      My husband wants to go to Japan to boost his career. I'm going to stand in the way of that. I also know that I have NO desire to leave my home and animals. I'm angry because these are OUR options not the options for everyone in the military.
      <3, Amy

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  2. If your husband wants to go to Japan then there is no reason why you shouldn't tag along too. We were in Japan for 6 great years, you will regret not going. You should be able to easily rent your house. Just know that if your husband is going on a ship in Japan he will be gone at least 6 months every single year. But the good thing is the deployments are broken up.

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    1. Yea I have been told it would be 11 months at a time.. but going unaccompanied he will stay 2 years instead of 3 accompanied. Again I can't leave my babies behind.. I just can't. There is no way a Great Dane would be comfortable or that they would really allow it. I wont leave him or Grizzly for three years.
      Very true i'll still get to see him every year or even visit him. <3, Amy

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  3. You guys will figure out what is best for you as a family. Hang in there.

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  4. I can't let this go until I say, no one knows what's best for you guys other than you. Obviously just because you bought a house doesn't meant you HAVE to stay behind. Obviously there are many, many factors that play into all of our big decisions as military spouses.

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    1. Completely agree with Jamie!!

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    2. Yes many many other factors play in our decision that if he goes over seas that I will stay with here. Thanks Jamie!

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  5. We have a house.. we have two dogs and a cat. I can't just give my 'babies' to someone and leave. I just can't. there are reasons on why I won't be following him... the point of the blog is to say that the life of a military spouse is shown to be glamorous and it's hard. It's a very rewarding but can be very hard. <3

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