Wednesday, May 7, 2014

words.

Words do hurt. Words hurt more than people realize or want to admit. Some people try to be really delicate with fertility stuff. Some don't.

I've been told "Maybe it's just not the right time". "It will happen when it's the right time". "Have you thought about adoption?" "What happens when you go through all of this and still don't have a baby?" "How much longer are you going to try?" "Are you two comfortable having a 'no sex' baby?" "Are you sure it's Gods will to create a child in a pastry dish?" If God wanted you to have a baby don't ya think you'd get pregnant without Drs?"

lately more hurtful words have come from people close to me.. ok well one person...

"I wish I could give you my 'used' uterus.. I'll never use it again". "I've had my two - I wish I could just donate my uterus to you". "I wish I could have your babies for you". "I have two you can just have one of mine". "Do you think I could donate my eggs to you?" ... and the newest and most hurtful one of all.... "My friend was told that she couldn't have babies.. then she found out she had cancer. After her cancer treatments she got pregnant! Now she has two kids.. maybe you should get cancer".

*****
I don't have a bad uterus! I've thought about adoption but want to exahust all my fertility options. I don't want someones kid.. I want mine. I don't need different eggs.. as far as we know mine work fine. Yes we are find with a 'no sex baby'. I'm going to try as long as they will let me try - which is either at the end of three IVF's now. I'm perfectly find with creating a baby in 'a pastry dish' - it's my egg and his sperm.  If I do all this and end up with out a baby - at least I'll know that I did all that I could to make my dream happen. When that road ends we, my husband & I, will agree on the right way to go.
I dont' need another  cancer scare and I don't want to get cancer to have a baby.

******
While I respect everyone's right to have kids and while I respect everyone's decision on how they  raise their kids. I don't feel it's right to cast judgement on my fertility adventure.. I just don't. I don't stand out and picket abortion clinic, adoption offices or State Family Care centers. I don't knock on doors of houses of people who had their kids taken away. I don't raise judgement for parents who's kids are in foster care. I don't wonder what the parent did wrong when their child is born with a disability. We all handle the road we are given differently - it makes us unique. I don't feel that anyone has the right to judge me for my choices.   Maybe I walk this path to help others. Maybe because I've walked this path I'll adore my child more then a sixteen year old would - but then again that is judgemental.

I'm tired of being nice and holding my tongue when people say such outladish remarks. It's none of anyone's buisness to judge how I choose to live my life. If you don't like it then you have the option to walk away.

Rant ended.

Just remember that words hurt and just because we don't understand someone's path doesn't mean we have to judge them for how they choose to walk it.


4 comments:

  1. My turn.
    You KNOW how I feel about HER saying this to you and by HER I mean SHE who snoops and reads this between naps because 'her days are just too intense for her to take.' SHE who can't pick up after herself and her cancer-free-want-to-lend-you-her-uterus. This is disgusting ANYONE would say such a thing. I'll end here before I say TOO much more that might really piss HER off because the truth hurts.

    Love you dearly sugar. I'm here for you.

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    1. I know you are and i appeciate it. I just hate how people who claim to be close to you say that rudest things. I'm done sharing that part of me with HER. <3. Amy

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  2. I don't usually comment on posts like this usually for the exact reason where I worry that something I say won't come out right. Whomever is saying this to you isn't being a real friend, at all. No one says "Maybe you should get cancer and then you'll get pregnant" or "I wish I could give you my uterus". Those are backhanded statements which are callous, rude, and extremely disrespectful towards what you are going through. Someone who has kids easily can never understand the struggles of someone dealing with infertility. It's better to be supportive and be there for you rather than inserting your own opinion. I really hope this woman saying these things to you takes stock in what she is doing and realizes it will affect her relationship with you. If I were you, I would thinking long and hard about the way this woman is involved in my life and end the relationship. It's not hard to take 10 seconds, put the shoe on the other foot, and think about how you might feel if someone were making those comments directly to you instead.

    Regardless, this journey is yours and no one can make you feel badly about it except for you. Trust your gut, your heart, and leave everyone else's opinions behind.

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    1. I think what you said came out perfectly! I agee 110%. I'm done sharing this personal struggle with her. I, also, believe that the words are backhanded and rude.
      I finally told her because I am tired of the comments. I struggle enough within myself with all of this - I don't need someone who pretends to be a friend to judge me. I also agree that it changed the dynamic of our relationship. Anyone who constantly throws in my face that she is a Mother and I can't be one is a horrible person not a friend.
      Thank you for your comment.
      <3,
      Amy

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