Monday, August 11, 2014

Come On!

Of all the crap that kicks being kicked my way I feel I've taken the high road - for the most part. It seems that as soon as my life starts to be on the track I want it to be - I get derailed. Since I can't share the true identity of the person I'm writing about today we are going to change her name.

Friday my husband & I went to the the fertility Dr and had our SIS done. SIS is a saline sonogram that Dr's use to look at someone uterus. It's a procedure they do before IVF and if you have something in your uterus like a polyp. Since I had an SIS done before with Eddie a year ago it wasn't a big deal. After the SIS we were supposed to get our IVF schedule from the IVF coordinator but she left before the procedure was done. Without that schedule I don't know when our transfer will take place.. so I'll let y'all know when I do. We were happy to hear that we have 25 eggs between both ovaries, which means less injections for me to take during the process. The 25 eggs also means it raised our success ratio but it ultimately depends on the quality of the eggs after they have been introduced to the sperm. So my Friday started out to be really really good.

After getting home we all decided to relax and drink a couple of beers. Then I got the phone call. Since, again I can't share the identity of this person, I'll say that we grew up together. She is a couple of years younger then me and we aren't super close but we are close. So we'll call this person "Sandra". So 'Sandra' calls to tell me that she is 7 weeks pregnant. Had a roll in the hay with some dude and got knocked up. 'Sandra' also went on to tell me that she is keeping the baby.
 ~ Cool~
What pissed me off even more is how the remainder of the conversation unfolded. 'Sandra' went on to say how "upset she was that she got pregnant her first go around and I've been trying for so long. It's not fair that it was so easy for me and it's been so hard for you."

First of all I don't care how sincere or nice you were trying to be that's rude. I'm not some soft crippling women who can't bare the thought of anyone else having a child.  I've never been rude or shut someone out because they have had a baby. I feel that if you really knew me then you'd know that.
Second. When you do tell me I take a moment to process it and so that it doesn't become about me. I usually get off the phone, if we are talking that way, and take a couple of minutes to absorb the news and continue talking to you about your baby and pregnancy. Again the thought of someone thinking I'm going to fall in the floor screaming and kicking is beyond rude.
Third. The third party involved went on to tell me that they were terrified of the fact that 'Sandra' went to planned parenthood for a confirmation instead of her Dr. Planned Parenthood isn't just a place to go for abortion information. They help people who don't have insurance get on birth control and get paps. People really should educate themselves on programs. That third party person went on to say that they don't agree with young women being on birth control pills just for the heck of it. To that statement I say You are stupid.

Birth control isn't a magic pill you give your daughter while silently giving them permission to bed every man they see. I don't believe by handing your daughter the pill, or taking them to get a birth control shot, it's a way of giving permission for sexual behavior. What teenager or young adult listens to their parents? I mean we all thought our parents were crazy and we knew more then they did. We were all young and some of us did dabble in sex before marriage. I just feel that protecting young adults from the lifetime consequences of a having a child is being responsible. I'd love to know my daughter had some type of protection when faced with being caught up in the moment. I'm just a advocate for birth control but I'm also a believer that it's not a "here ya go - have fun!" kind of step either. I also don't believe that parents really talk to their kids about sex anymore and how it all works.

Overall I'm just angry of how it all unfolded. I'm happy that she is having a baby. I'm happy that she can have a baby. My anger doesn't go towards the fact that she is pregnant - my anger goes towards the assumption that I was going to fall in the floor hysterical about it and the fact that the third party thinks that birth control is basically permission for your daughter to be sexually active.
I think it's time people stop assuming that I'm so weak and can't handle pregnancy news. I'm also very upset that this could have been avoided by simply being on a pill or a shot. I feel it's every women's right to have the choice to be on the pill and understand why they are on it. I also believe that knowing that not all birth control is 99% effective and knowing that some medications can void the pill is important too. I'm not blaming the third party but if birth control hadn't been an unthinkable alternative to a sexually active young adult - then we might not be having this post. Ultimatley it's 'Sandra's' fault for allowing herself to be uneducated and to tango without proper protection. Therefore she will forever be reminded of this romp in the hay.

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