Friday, August 8, 2014

we are going through Invitro

It's time to talk about it. 
It's time to let the cat of the bag and share this part of my life. 
We are starting the IVF process. 
I'm terrified. 
I never imagined I'd go this far with infertility. 
Treatments or otherwise. 
I've battled myself a lot on the road to take. 
A huge part of me wants to walk away because it's so heartbreaking to go through medicines, ultrasounds, Dr's appointments, giving my self injections, mood swings to get a negative test at the end. It's so gut wrenching and heartbreaking. 
As much as I want to walk away - I'm not in this alone. 
My husband goes through this with me too and he wants to give the IVF a try. 
Blood work is done for the both of us. 
Birth control pills have been given and will be taken for the next couple of months.
I have a Saline Sonogram coming up so they can check my uterus and make sure it's baby ready.
Then we get a schedule. 
A schedule that will define our next two months where we pray endlessly that this works. 
That I will pray with every pill, every injection and every Dr's appointment.
The egg retrieval is an 'out patient' surgery.
Five days later we have to choose which embryos are frozen, donated or used.
Then we wait. 
We wait to see if all of this created a little miracle. 
There are days I'm not sure I'm strong enough for this. 
There are days I want to cry and hide from every bulging belly and every snugging blanket. 
It's too hard & painful. 
I feel alone. 
I feel less of a women at times.
I feel that ache in my heart.
I plan for a future with kids and try not to think about my life with out them.
We have to be realistic. 
It's not a fairy tale world. 
It's so painful. 
 I have faith. 
I have faith I will have kids one day.
I have faith that it will be sooner then later. 
I don't know how or when but I will have kids one day.
I'll take this journey.
I'll ride this rollercoaster of emotions in hopes of a baby in my tummy.
I'll share my experience for other women just like me.
So that they know they aren't alone and they know someone feels the same.
We are going through invitro.
I'm terrified.
I'm scared.
I'm hopeful.
I can't give up. 
I want this too bad. 



  1. I remember writing and feeling similar thoughts before my first IVF. You'll never regret and it was be as bad as you envision. Hope this next step brings your baby

    1. Really? That is encouraging! Thank you I'm hoping it does too. I'm not excited about retrieval. I don't know much about IVF or the process but I'm learning. <3, Amy

  2. *Hugs* Sending positive vibes and thoughts your way!

  3. Amy, thanks so much for linking up to my blog. I hope you have found some encouragement in some of the stories I share from other women there. IVF is so terrifying before you do your first round. I'll echo what Jessah said above: it's not as bad as we envision it to be. I'm not going to lie- it does suck, but I promise it's not as bad as I thought it would be. The hardest part is the anticipation before it begins. Be gentle and kind with yourself during the process. Take naps. Treat yourself well. Watch movies and read books that make you laugh. Best wishes! Feel free to send me an email or tweet me if you need someone to talk to.