Friday, January 31, 2014

Rough week.

Dear Lovelies,

Sorry I haven't been writing very often. It's been very hard to find  cohesive schedule at the moment. Everything is changing so quickly and with all the drama that has surfaces ~ I haven't really wanted too. I am trying to keep my posts very platonic and not complain very much. I also don't want to vent on my blog just to keep some of the drama down. I think that has given me great pause to sit and type out a post.

Fertility Treatments:
As of today we have a week to wait before taking a pregnancy test. Actually the medicine is out of my system tomorrow and I can start taking tests on Saturday. The RE asked me to wait until Feb 5th ~ so that is what I am going to try and do ~ key word in that was 'try'. So far I have lower back pain, mild cramping, I'm very tired and my boobs feel like sand has been poured in them after someone beat them. I would say that these are all very good signs. I'm not picking out baby furniture yet but I'm trying to stay very hopeful. This last round was with all new and different meds; so it all could very well just be the meds.

Drama:
What's a day in my life without unwanted or needed drama?? I'll tell ya when I experience one. It started with two friends fighting on facebook that lead to everyone's opinions on how I should be handling the situation from my end. Honestly. I feel that everyone involved has a part to play in this whole charade; including myself. We learned as kids that playing 'telephone' didn't workout so well; so I'm not sure why we continue to play the game as adults ~ and include social media. There are people who aren't so forgiving and some that aren't willing to see their own faults. Right when that got buried - a new dramatic event happened.
My sister is going through some rough stuff at home with one of her kiddo's. For some reason I've become her target of aggression. Calling to check up on her son through my Mom was wrong, no calling was wrong, inquires to my niece were wrong, and then the nasty facebook messenger comments started. I thought I had it handled until she attacked me through a post on facebook about a Victoria Secret bra. Seriously.
At the end of all of this I shake my head and create a deep sigh. I'm just not sure I'm handling my shit right. I keep hearing I don't need all this stress but it lands at my feet. I keep hearing that I don't take up for myself but when I do speak nobody listens. If I do fly off the handle I'm being 'irrational' or 'dramatic'. When I keep my mouth shut and just let it roll off my back ~ I'm being to passive and letting people take advantage of me. Then I hear that people attack me because 'I'm too nice'. WTF?
I asked my therapist today what he thought and he said "Amy if I was juggling as many things as you are I would be in a corner banging my head against a wall. Honestly I don't know how you do it and stay so sweet and sane". Truth is:  I don't either. There are days when I want to close all my social media accounts {including this blog} and stay far away from people. I mean never try to make a connection with another human being.. EVER. Then I think of all the people that have made my life so incredible and I want to be that for someone too. I am at that point in my world where this could go either way.
I'm tired of being disrespected. I'm tired of hearing I don't stand up for myself. I'm tired of hearing that I over react or that something I feel is 'stupid' or 'crazy'. All day Wed I kept hearing how amazing I was not attack my sister back. I'm sorry when did two wrongs create a right? My sister needs all the love and support she can get right now.. that doesn't mean that I excuse her. It also doesn't mean that I'm going to give in and aide to the fire.
I honestly am at a loss. I'm at a crossroad. I feel that everything up until this point blinded me from the reality that I surrounded myself with. Family, friends who are like family, friends...
The running joke in my household this past week has been "Amy don't you know you can't do anything right?" because all I seem to do causes drama. I really need a mental day soon. Thankfully I have a hair appointment coming up soon so I can unwind and relax a little...

I hope everyone's week is going better then mine. I hope that I don't keep losing readers. I promise that things will pick up soon & I'll have more things to talk about... until then please keep me in your prayers or help me with some words of wisdom. I'm really sinking in this quick sand.

Monday, January 27, 2014

exhausted

Hello.

I am exhausted. I think it's the meds but I'm not sure. I never thought that vacuuming a room would make me what to collapse into a coma. I make mental lists of all the things I want to accomplish and then realize that last weeks items still aren't completed. I'm honestly hating the fact that I'm so drained all the time. Just thinking of the fact that I need to mop my floor makes me yawn. lol

I'm loving the fact that my household has really stepped up and allowed me to take my days with stride. I hate relying on other people though to get the simple stuff done. I'm also in love with the fact that these meds are not making me super hormonal or giving me false pregnancy like symptoms. I just need to find the correct balance to my energy levels and my daily chores.

I have been trying to talk myself into vacuuming my car out for over a week. Kiddo's in the car are messy ~ for sure! I think I have enough fruit loops in my seats to fill an empty cereal box. The tiny hand prints on the inside of my window aren't a bonus either; but they are kinda cute.

This past week we have dealt with a bug that floated through our home. Four of six of us have run a feaver and thrown up.. thankfully I'm not part of the four. Instead I have just felt completely drained and relentlessly followed my husbands orders on staying in my room all day yesterday. Knowing that my house has been disinfected has made me feel a lot better.

I need to go mop these floors before I just collapse into my nice soft bed or crawl into the recliner {better known as Amy's sleeping chair} for a nap. Hope everyone is having a great Monday!


Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Loving my household.

Dear Lovelies.

Last Friday I wrote about how our house is adjusting to the new family that is living with us. It's not just any family. These are our best friends & the couple that started the co-household movement here. It started with a friend who was living on the boat and J decided to invite him over for the weekend & it turned into a co-living arrangement. Later my husband would join their household and live with them for two full years. Which started our co-household movement once we bought our house. It wasn't even a question of them living with us once we heard they were coming back to San Diego!

The past couple of roomies we have had have ended with me doing everything for everyone. It's been me cleaning, cooking, shopping ~ etc and it was very overwhelming. Once it was decided that they would join our household I started to fear that the pressure would land on my shoulders ~ again. Man I couldn't have been more wrong! It has been a HUGE blessing to have someone here with me to share the workload and someone who thinks along the same lines as I do! She has taken over making dinner {enter happy dance here} and we have managed to share the chores {another happy dance!}. Our personalities are a great balance and the same with the men! With my fertility treatments starting back I've been exhausted.. I mean a nap a day is required exhausted.. so it's SO amazing to have someone who is gladly picking up my slack!! {and not throwing it in my face}

Both kids have started back to school. It gives us about 3 full hours to get the house in order before we start pick ups. It has been amazing. This chica couldn't be more awesome and more of what I have needed. It's nice to have someone who understands my treatments and my concern, it's nice that someone respects my clean standards and it's so nice to have someone share the overall workload with me.

To be honest I have felt so bad that I basically just dumped all these things in her lap! I felt horrible the first time I caught her mopping my kitchen floors > and to my amazement she said "you should be resting & besides I really don't mind because I would have done it in my house too". Oh man! My last roomie wouldn't even empty the dishwasher or rinse a pan she cooked in!! This has been a HUGE! This chica doesnt' stop there.. oh no! She has accompanied me to almost every Dr's appointment and has even got the guys on a evening schedule that is brilliant!

I have no idea how this will all play out long term because they are starting to look for their own house. I am simply enjoying the help, companionship and friendship that has come out of this amazing merge. Since the kids have started school ~ I'll be able to start getting out of the house too.. which hopefully create some awesome posts for you guys!!




Tuesday, January 21, 2014

follistim treatments.

Dear Lovelies,
Jan 21, 2014
I talked a little on Friday about the new treatments and I'd like to share a little more about them. 

Normally I start off my treatments with a medicine called 'Clomid' which I have grown to hate. It takes almost a week before you can even get in for a ultrasound and by then you are so miserable that you don't want to even try it again {if the current round doesn't work}. It makes you moody, gives you hot flashes.. did I mention that it makes you moody? After your ultrasound shows that the medicine worked or not you take various other shots before moving on to the final step of the treatment. Then you wait. The dreaded two week wait that you nervously and anxiously think about. Then comes the moment that you pee on a stick and every prayer that you have ever prayed can't hold up to the one you are saying for two straight moments. 

This round I was excited to hear that I would be starting a new medicine called Follistim. I give myself a shot everyday AFTER I have blood drawn and the Dr's office calls to give me my level reading. Ok well I don't have to have blood drawn everyday but it's been 4 out of 7 so far. They are checking for my ovulation levels to reach above 200 before starting my trigger shot then moving to an IUI. So far I've not had a 'normal' Clomid side effect; which is one of the biggest blessings! I've gotten some lower back pain and headaches.. but nothing a nap hasn't cured. My levels got to 200; they lowered my dosage by a click and my levels dropped. So now we are back to the original dosage and my levels are slowly climbing back up. 

I'm very, very comfortable with this round. I was so excited to be on a different medicine and one that has such great success ratings. My RE said that the only draw back with this medicine, that scares people, is that when it works ~ you get multiples. I'm ok with that. Our RE has made sure that the both of us understand that it is a 90% chance that we will end up pregnant with twins and he is 95% positive that this round will work for us. Again, I'm deliriously excited that we started a different medicine!

Anybody else take follistim? Any personal stories you'd like to share with me? I'd love to hear them!! 

Friday, January 17, 2014

full house

Hello Lovelies;  
Jan 16, 2014
This is has been one hell of a week. It's been a moment since I've sat down to talk with you all. 
So many things to cover and I feel this post is going to be long. 

First. We are adjusting nicely. It's crazy with four adults, two kids, four dogs and two cats! It's an amazingly huge adjustment for all parties. The dogs aren't handling the transition as well; Gideon isn't adjusting very well I should say. So far with the men at work us ladies have been putting the house in order. The kids start school next week ~ which will be another adjustment. Knowing their belongings are still in route we are doing the best we can with what we have. I have no complaints.. actually I'm beyond grateful for all the things that this family has done in just a short week. I'll leave that for another blog post. 

Second. The fertility treatments started last Friday. This should be a blog post in itself as well.. so lets just say that everything is going great! It's been a huge adventure with everything going on right now. This medicine requires constant blood draws so I have been going to the hospital almost everyday.. which has been fun ~ NOT!

Third. With all the stress and different things that have changed so drastically in the past 15 days ~ great things happen. Miracles actually. Without sharing to much about a topic I'm not supposed to speaking about... I will say that I'm happy. When you hear that someone so close to you gets the one thing you've been working for it's ~ well a mute moment. The excitement hits you first and then the reality. It almost becomes a selfish temper tantrum that takes over the excitement of the situation. When good things happen to people, that have worked just as hard as you have, it's an encouraging moment. It's a shove that your moment might come too. It's hard not to be a little jealous and envious but you take a step back and know that they deserve these miracles too. It's been a silent struggle for me. It's been a tearful struggle. Struggle of shear happiness and a struggle of "why not me's". Not to say that I'm not hysterically overjoyed because I am, I just had to take a moment to cry in my beer. 
Truth is .. I'm glad this person finally got their slice of happiness. I'm so excited that I've been able to have been apart of the struggle and ecstatic that I'm apart of the celebration. 

That's all I've got for this Friday's update. I wanted to make sure that I wrote to update everyone that everything is fine. Hopefully I can get a couple of scheduled posts done before this next week just disappears. I hope everyone has a great week. 


Wednesday, January 8, 2014

16 and...

YDear Lovelies,

Today I wanted to talk about our youth.

I thought when I was 16 that life was so unfair. I couldn't wait to be an adult so i could do what I wanted when I wanted. Then you grow up and you realize that you will always rely on someone to help guide you through your life. You will take direction for various people from family, co-workers, bosses or your spouses job.

A couple of weeks ago this 16 yr girl that I know announced that she got engaged! ENGAGED! They waited to announce the engagement to the rest of the family after she told her Mom. Her Mom backed up their relationship agreement. I was furious.

How could you allow your daughter to be engaged at 16?! There are several reasons on why I think this is so absurd.

First is this is her first love and it fails (which is very well might) then she is going to be jaded and scared for life.
Second she isn't being a kid! She isn't enjoying her teen years.. which we all know she will regret the moment she turns 22.
Third she doesn't even know herself.. has no idea what she wants out of life. Her now plans could change next month and then what? I got married at 23 and because I didn't know what I was capable of ~ it obviously ended.
Fourth. How can you plan to get married the moment you turn 18 and not have a bigger plan? How are you going too afford a house, finish school.. go to school. The next thing you know she'd be pregnant and they would be on welfare...

I can't even imagine how a parent of a failed marriage out of high school herself agree to this! I get that if you disagree it can push them away or force them to do things behind your back.. but this is nuts!

They have made it really clear that they don't want anyone's opinion on this matter. The more and more I think about all of this I get madder.

Do you agree with the engagement? Do you agree the Mom should allow this girl to get engaged so young? What are your thoughts about this? Is 16 too young to get engaged?

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

the life

Dear Lovelies;

Today my dear friends travel from Hawaii to San Diego. I've never moved through the Navy before. My husband has done his whole ten year career in San Diego minus deployments. When I first met my dear friends they moved away with orders. As I watch & hear all the things that this couple ~ and other that are suddenly moving away due to orders ~ I thank God that I'm not moving.

Since I've never moved through the Navy I am learning all sorts of new things. I've learned that moving your dog that weighs over 99 lbs cost a fortune! (here are the military rules for shipping your pets in case you want to know). They had to move their dogs a day earlier then themselves, so thank goodness they already have family here in San Diego! I also learned that all of their belongings moved two weeks before them & wont arrive until they are here for two weeks. A whole month without their belongings and they have two kids! That's cray cray!

The husband & I have talked about him taking orders oversea's. The more and more I learn about moving and all the rules ~ the more I beg him to skip them. I know that if he went overseas that it would help his career ~ but according to the rules we would only be able to move two pets. That means that I would have to find homes for my cats. Plus if we have to pay for the Great Dane's plane ticket.. well that may be a huge issue. I mean could you imagine a Great Dane in Japan for two years.. OMG!

I have also witnessed through pictures how hard it is for them to move away. Yea they are excited to come back but Hawaii has been home for two years! All the going away parties.. and hearing about how they will miss this person.. it's really sad. I get it.. it's what we are aware of when we agree to marry our solider. I just think that military life is so simple and easy breezy and it's not. It seems easy if you are married to the love of your life.. but I can't imagine the stress that my friends are going through right now.

To all of those military families who have moved.. my hat is off to you.

Monday, January 6, 2014

roots.

Hello Lovelies,

Today I am visiting a friend out in Temecula, CA. The last time I attempted this get together I ended up with a new vehicle, so hopefully this trip goes smoother and I actually get to go. Frankly, I need this day of relaxation and some girl time before our guests start arriving.

A while back I wrote a post about where the hubby & I would settle down at after his Navy career is over here. He has ten long years left and we will more less be spending them all in California. Before this past year I was ok with that thought, I was ecstatic of the possibility of living so close to paradise. This past Christmas I was hit hard with the Christmas Blues. I was positively homesick and this California weather didn't help at all. It's been in the 70's majority of Nov, Dec and now into Jan and all the posts about snow and colder weather is making me very disgruntle.

A couple of weekends ago the hubby & I decided that if we moved into another house here in CA that it would be our forever home. I started looking up places here in Temecula that would become our forever home, and then it struck me like a lighting bolt ~ I want snow. I want colder weather, I want the change of seasons ~ but I don't want to humidity and hot summer like Texas has to offer. Where did that leave us? I know I want to stay close to Arizona because our best friends will retire there and I know I want to be closer to Texas & Arkansas to be closer to family.


Here are some things we took into account.
Annual avg snow fall, avg summer heat index, and cost of housing.
We googled New Mexico and found that the summers were just way to hot and humid. We'd also have to go almost to Colorado to get the weather we wanted. Colorado was out due to the cost of living; it's expensive. Kansas was out just due to tornado's.

Long story short our options have been narrowed down by Oklahoma & by Nebraska. I don't really want to live in OK again their summers get pretty hot & humid. After looking around we think we have settled on the thought of buying a home in Nebraska. The housing prices are do-able and the weather is pretty awesome. We also narrowed it down to staying around Lincoln, Nebraska. 

19 Hours from Lincoln to Phoenix, AZ/ 13 Hours to Houston, TX/ 9 hours from Little Rock, ARK. 
According to climate-zone.com July has the hottest month is 78* and Jan with the lowest of 21*. We get a average of 6.1 inches of snowfall in Jan too. I'm sold!! 

I know this seems like a long time away but you have to understand that I am planner. I need to know where my next step is before I can commit to something. I'm not a take a chance kinda girl on moving or things like this. Plus thinking about the fact that we will have kids by then ~ I want to make sure that I am moving my family somewhere we could live out our lives. It could all change but for right now we have our retirement State and place set in Nebraska!

Where do you plan to retire after you spouse gets out of the military? Do you live in Nebraska? Any information you would like to share about Nebraska would be great! Pictures would be nice too.
Have a great Monday!! 


Friday, January 3, 2014

the calm

Good Morning Lovelies; 
January 3rd, 2014
HAPPY NEW YEAR!! 

In a matter of days now I will be joined by my best friend and his family here in San Diego from Hawaii. If you don't think I'm bouncing around like a supermarket bouncy ball then you are mistaken. My excitement is so intense that I can't sit still.. and I have a TON of things that still need to be cleaned. The only thing left that I need to conjure is a Welcome Home sign for the front of the house. 

While our weekend is full of things I need to get done before Tuesday night I have been enjoying our simple family. It's so nice to just have the house to the hubby & I. I've been busting my booty to clean the house and prep it for the family of four + two big dogs. The hubby has been enjoying his xbox-one and helping out after I throw small tantrums. I have enjoyed the freedom of walking around in tank tops & short shorts not worrying about someone in my home other then my hubby. We have also enjoyed sleeping in our birthday suits a couple of nights; because it wont happen anytime soon after Tuesday. 

The first three days of next week are going to be cray-cray! My husband starts his college classes on Monday. That also happens to be the same time I pick up there two dogs from the airport. I start fertility treatments on Tuesday ~ wahoo! Then around 8 pm I go to the airport to pick up my best friend & his family. Wednesday is all about everyone getting settled in. Thursday I'm going to run away. That's my plan so far ... lol

 Nothing at this point so exciting to blog about other then the things that are yet to come. I'm excited about this coming year. I'm excited to restart our treatments this month, I'm excited that J & his family will be here in San Diego again, Proud that my hubby is going to college to get his degree, and even more excited that our deployment friends will be home this year.  I can't think of a better way to start this year off then celebrating all the wonderful things that are happening early in the year. 

Hope everyone is having a great year so far & I can't wait to catch up on all the resolution posts!! 
Have a great weekend!!!