Monday, September 29, 2014

ready.. set...

If I am being honest then I'll start with this. I'm still in denial of the fact that we are about to go through invitro. It's surreal. I've said a thousand times that I never thought I'd take my fertility journey this far but here we are. The year wait is over and we are about to go through this whirl wind and that is also surreal. Every time I talk about it I feel as if someone else is sharing their story not me. I know nothing about this process. I have no idea what to expect or what to prepare myself for and that is scary for me. I've been so comfortable with Clomid, follistim injections and IUI's that it's just overwhelming to go into this blind.

We started our doxycycline yesterday. We take two pills a day - one in the am and one in the pm. So far he seems unphased and I'm having some serious bloating and nausea. My stomach feels like it is just doing cartwheels all day long. I posted questions in my fertility support group page today and found out this is normal. I also was told to start preparing to dust off yoga pants because the bloating isn't going to go away anytime soon. So to those who are about to start doxycycline for the first time for IVF here is some advice - even though the medicine says "do not take with food" for the love of god take it with food!!

Nothing really new starts for a couple more days. We take this med for ten days and then BAM we have a weeks worth of new stuff everyday. From an injection class, to sonograms, to blood work, to injections. It's a short time frame really. It just seems like a lot at the moment. I'm sure I'll look back on in this in Nov and wonder what I was so nervous about. I'm thankful that past this we wont have to do a retrieval again because we'll have frozen eggs. I'm praying that we never have to do this again and all our prayers and effort pays off. I look back and I'm amazed on that we have accomplished in a short year. This time last year I was re-cooperating after having surgery where I had the benign polyp removed - that I named Eddie. {Anybody else remember that? lol} It all seems so distant now.

Fertility stuff aside I'm getting a new hair do tomorrow and I'm still debating on what I'm going to actually do. My 'get away' I thought I was going to get isn't going to happen. One phone call took my seven consecutive days of free time down to four. I foresee a beach day or two in my immediate future.

Saturday, September 27, 2014

Shopping spree.

I went shopping. I made myself get up this morning drive to the pharmacy on base and then I hit up Starbucks with a couple of Navy wives. Which is always a nice treat.

I spent a bill at Victoria Secrets on their 2/49.95 bras and ended up with three these amazing new pretties. 1 bombshell in the pink/ivory and two t-shirt bra's in the Carnival Blue and Lavender Blue Plaid.  I'm addicted to their bras. I also got the black tote.

Aeropostale has always been one of my favorite stores. I stopped shopping there a couple of years ago due to my weight gain. I'm proud to say that I was able to score two pairs of size 12 jeans for $14 a piece!! What a special treat that was! I also got a free tumbler for my purchase.. how sweet.

Since I could wear Aero's jeans I got excited and decided to try American Eagle too. I walked away with two pairs their too. With the buy one get one 50% special.. I was happy to splurge on pricey jeans. After all it's nice to be able to wear "teen" jeans again.

I couldn't leave the mall without stopping at Bath n Body Works. I walked away with a three wick candle in "pumpkin apple". Man it smells like heaven.
I know it's not about spending the benjamin's to make a person happy - but it was a huge deal to me. Getting new Victoria Secret anything makes me happy - but to score four pairs of size 12 jeans.. made my whole weekend!! The house smells like heaven and Starbucks is always a mood lifter!

*not a paid post*

What did you do this weekend?

Thursday, September 25, 2014

I need a break.

I need a break. I need a vacation. 
This isn't a want anymore. I need to get away from this house, from this state of never ending paradise weather. I need to just go somewhere quiet and tranquil. To calm my nerves and fears. To save my sanity and prepare myself for the biggest fertility adventure yet. I need to pull up the southwest airlines website and click the first 'get away' option I can find. STAT. 

October is a big month for us. 
It stars off with the hubby's birthday this coming weekend. Then the roomies just seven short days later. To a combined birthday party for the both of them mid October. A house full of Sailors, a KEG, beer pong, poker and a cake (if I get my way). With that said I feel that in itself is enough to warrant a vacation - but we aren't stopping there.

With all the things checked off and scheduled we are ready. We are ready to start this invitro experience. Well ready or not we are starting this invitro experience. The hubby & I both start our doxycycline this coming weekend through the 7th. Then I'll stop the required birth control pills and the baby aspirin. {Which I'm excited about aspirin above all b/c it gives me nose bleeds.} On the 9th I have a baseline ultrasound. The 10th we have an injection class - required - and pay our IVF bill. Then on the 13th I have blood work that determines how much and what kind of hormones and artificial flavorings they inject in me for the next 8 - 13 days. *artificial isn't a typo* Then we met up at the ER on the 22nd - I'll go through a day surgery to retrieve my eggs and my hubby will get to watch porn and fill a cup. {Seems fair - yea?} After which I'll have to go home and do absolutely nothing for the next 48-62 hours in fear of ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome. While I go home my eggs will be combined with the hubbys batter and hopefully make a little seedling. The seedlings will be monitored and measured - poked and prodded - graded and analyzed. Then in 3-5 days after my surgery I get to have another ultrasound - see pictures of my healthy little seedlings and pick the top two to go in my uterus. Hopefully they find my uterus polyp free, enough square footage and just the right amount of amenities to want to hang out for the next 36-40 weeks. 

We also have halloween = which isn't that big for us but I wanna dress the doggies up this year. I'm also thinking about dressing up in my swimsuit and swim cap with goggles to hand out candy. Ha! I think it's funny. Anyway. I also have therapy - thank god - and I also have my daily routine. Hopefully Grizzly gets in for a check up because he is starting to really cough again and I have a hair appointment coming up too. 

Again I need a vacation. I have a plan in the works but if this falls through I'm renting a hotel room in AZ and staying there for a week. Well I'm not serious about the AZ hotel thing - but I do have a get away plan. Hopefully I'll be able to share that with  you guys once all the kinks are ironed out. As excited and nervous as I am with this upcoming invitro - I am blessed. I'm blessed to have the opportunity to go through with this expensive procedure. I'm blessed to have some pretty great friends who keep checking on my sanity me. I'm blessed to have some amazing family members who are really trying to help me unwind. All things considered .. I'm doing OK. Majorly stressed but OK. 


Saturday, September 20, 2014

Scentsy party

I'm addicted to "Scentsy".














I love the company. I love the warmers. I love the wax. 
I recently went looking for a new "Scentsy" rep and met Erin. 
Erin is a Navy wife stationed here in CA & became a consultant to share her love of Scentsy.
After talking with Erin I decided to help her reach her October goal by setting up an 'online party'.


Why now?
Fall is approaching.
Christmas is around the corner.
If you are starting your holiday shopping, or just wanting to stock up on some home fragrances, - this is the place to start. I just ordered three bars of the "pumpkin roll" that I'm dying to put in my 'pumpkin' 2013 warmer. Scentsy has become a holiday staple for me. The warmers, lotions, car tins.. also make great birthday gifts too!

There is also this gem on the website called "Specials" then click on the "combine and save" tab. 
You can get a full size warmer and SIX bars (in six different fragrances) for $85!
Scentsy isn't all about warmers they also offer:
car tins or bags
Body washes and lotions
Laundry softner sheets 
Baby 'buddies'

So if you are interested in browsing all the goodies then please go here:
If you want to purchase something; please go the 'party' tab and look for my name {Amy Phillips}.
You can also follow Erin's Scentsy facebook page for all new holiday warmers and fragrances here:




Wednesday, September 10, 2014

just checking in

Right now I feel that we are juggling quiet a few things. I'm not good with the 'unknown'. I feel that I deal with so much uncertainty with the fertility portion that when it flows over to other parts of my life - it's overwhelming.

Thursday I pick up our second medicine to prepare us for IVF. The hubby & I will both take the meds for ten days and then stop. I think we are both ready for this chapter to start and it's also daunting. I can't say that I'm exactly excited yet but I'm taking it step to step. I'm doing really well with not looking up anything to do with IVF.. meaning no googling at all. I think knowing the IUI stuff so well was also a hindrance. I joined a facebook fertility support group a while ago and those ladies have been amazing. Any question I do have there is always someone with an answer, a personal story and a lot of positive words. Nothing really starts to happen past this new medicine until mid October and then it will all move really fast.

Also with all that I've written before with the hubby's orders - he has become 'needs of the Navy'. We will know in three weeks where we will call home. I did find out that Grizzly can't fly at all .. with all of this it's been hard. Making decisions that feels right has been a challenge to say the least. There have been a lot of conversations of 'what if's' and a lot of tears (on my behalf). It's hard to say to my husband that I refuse to leave my dog baby behind in his final years. It's hard to know that the one place I've wanted to go (Hawaii) is an option and that I'll pass it up for my dog baby. He can't fly and even if he could they'd have to hold him in quarantine for two weeks. If you personally know me then you already know that's not an option for me. My husband & I are strong enough to face whatever lands at our feet so in three weeks I'll let you know where we go from here. I'm also very blessed that he openly understands that and is supportive of my decision.

There are a couple of other small things that we are juggling but nothing I can really talk about. I know that will all these things it's hard not to feel alone or misunderstood. I have found that people have judged me for my decisions (esp with Grizzly) and that's not fair. With so much of the unknown weighing in I think I've allowed my negative thoughts run wild. It's hard to control the emotions - {which i'm blaming on the fact I haven't been allowed to have a period}. I try really hard not to judge other people, I'm not perfect and it happens - but I do try. So to see that all the efforts of trying to be understanding to other people and it not be reciprocated is pretty rough.

I think at this turning point of my life. The here and now with so many different avenues and directions that we 'could' go down or 'might' go down - I feel alone. I feel abandoned. I feel lost. I feel sad. I'm scared. I'm anxious. So it's been really rough to get out of bed and find that ray of 'purpose' I used to find. It's hard to wake up and not want to just crawl back in bed and ignore life around me. Some call that depression but I think of it as a rough patch. Change for me is really really hard and having the cloud of 'unknown' over our heads is making it harder.

I know that between the relationship with my husband, those I call friends, and my family - I'll come out of all of this stronger and wiser. I know there is a purpose behind this dark moment and I trust that. I've never met a challenge or situation that I haven't prevailed from - so that is a comfort. So many new and wonderful things upon the horizon to look forward too.

I hope everyone has a great day! I'll check back in later this week.




Wednesday, September 3, 2014

prologue

With all the changes that are approaching with orders and what is to come in 2015... we are starting with our prologue.

After many fights, arguments, discussions we have decided that having room mates is no longer a option for us. While we have enjoyed having the 6 different Sailors and two different families live with us.. it has come to an end. We decided about a month ago that we needed to end this portion of our lives. It's not because of some dramatic event - it's just time. We are facing a lot of different changes in our lives and it's time for us to just be us. I have been very proud to share my home with so many wonderful Sailors. I've learned so much and we have made some forever relationships with them. It's just time for us to be on our own.

We can't see the future but I know that if I have six months left with my husband before he goes overseas then I want him all to myself. There are also simple pleasures that I miss, or we missed out on, by always having someone here. Like.. we want to walk around in our underwear on the weekends .. or lay around (wink wink) all weekend on the couch. I also know it's the small stuff that really matters. I want to be able to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas, especially Christmas, with my husband before he is gone for two years. (possibly) 

IVF is a huge reason. I want to be as de-stressed and relaxed as possible (which I feel is an oxymoron). Having people in your home all the time is stressful. Knowing that we are at the end of that road.. I want to make sure that we are giving it 110%. Our retrieval date is set (you can read about that here) and knowing it will go into 2015 if this round isn't successful is very stressful.

Whatever life throws us I know we will be able to handle. We believe that it's now time to take the venture on our own. It's been a great ride and we've really enjoyed a majority of the experiences. I'm excited to start this new chapter.

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

four days

This past Labor Day weekend the husband was off four whole days! I'm excited to report that aside from a trip to the commissary - we did absolutely nothing! Well that's not true.. we watched Criminal Minds all weekend. ALL WEEKEND. We started with season 1 and have worked our way into season 7. It's so easy to get lost in this show and time just slipped away. I must confess that it was nice to enjoy a quiet weekend with it being just us - well for the majority.

Our week day starts back tomorrow and I'm ready. Next weekend is going to be a busy weekend for us so I'm hoping to get some stuff done tomorrow.

We, the husband & I, made a pretty big decision concerning our household. You'll be able to read about it tomorrow.. so I hope you all check back in.

Hope everyone has a great day! I'm happy to be in the 'ber' months!!