Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Count down to Christmas!!

Late night blogging usually isn't the greatest of ideas & considering I have a lot on my shoulders right now.

I can't believe how fast the Christmas season has come upon us. Before I know it we will be taking down the Christmas tree, the lights, and all the decorations - I feel like I just finished putting up. I love this time of year. I love the ambiance of the lights on a house at night. I love the child like feeling I get sitting on the couch with the glow of the Christmas tree lighting up the room. I love every twinkle and every warm glow. I miss seasons. I miss sitting by a open fire & I miss the cold weather. I miss waking up to a snow covered yard and sitting in a chair by the window watching it snow. One day, maybe, we'll end up back in a snow covered Christmas wonderland.

All of our Christmas was purchased months ago. I bought four NFL jersey's the first week of Dec that hasn't arrived yet. Considering it was my husbands biggest *and only gift* really pisses me off. They only have a e-mail attached to the site & I've been blowing it up everyday. They charged the CC used for the purchase.. the day I placed the order... so now I'm starting to get REALLY nervous that my husband isn't going to have a gift to open Christmas Day. Hopefully it arrives tomorrow or I'll be canceling the order & calling the CC order to stop payment. I think it's crazy that they have had 15 days (counting Sunday's) to get this order to us.

Little Man's Christmas has been done for a while & we are so blessed to have such a great group of friends that have showered him with even more amazing things. Since he also doesn't understand "Santa" already came and brought his gifts. Santa put together his two big items and already put them under our tree. I know it's kinda cheating but he'll never know and I like that it's already done. Next year I won't be able to get away with it so I'm going to just relish in the fact that I can go to bed early .. I mean stay up and watch HallMark movies all night.. Christmas Eve.

Anyway. I hope all of you have a very Merry Christmas! I hope you all create and capture the most beautiful moments of the holiday. Stay safe & warm.

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

Searching for balance.

I used to gasp at the Mom's who talked about needing a break from their kids. I couldn't understand what could be so exhausting when taking care of a newborn/toddler. I couldn't think past the desire to have a child of my own. To fully grasp the commitment, sacrafices and the dedication it takes to keep a little human alive past utero. Now I all but throw little man at my husband as he walks through the door. I feel like a bad parent 80% of the time. Always thinking of how I could manage my time better, how I should spend more floor time with him, create a routine that is great for the both of us. Constantly questioning and reading; which takes up the free time I could have spent with him researching and getting lost on pinterest. Like right now for example. He is soundly sleeping in his little rock n sleep lamb.. snoring away.. and I should be cleaning the bathroom. I should be starting a load of dishes or laundry. I should be running at the chance to vacuum the neglected carpets. I should be putting up the clothes that are invading my reading recliner.
Truth is.. I just want to finish a hot cup of coffee. I just want a moment to feel free and untangle this feeling of responsibility. I want an hour where I'm not thinking about schedules, laundry, dishes, meals, and cleaning. I'd love to clock out at noon and take a leisurely nap followed by a warm bubble bath that is furnished with a glass of wine.  I wanted to share my thoughts because I know I'm not the only one who feels this way & I need to know that. I feel alone & isolated majority of the time. My whole world revolves around the two men in my life.. in my house.
Don't get me wrong .. I love my husband but that doesn't mean that I don't want to karate kick him to the gutt every now and then. My amazing husband works a full time job & goes to college at night. The nights he doesn't have class he devotes to homework & I feel jealous. Jealous that he can tune out this adorable little person and read a chapter out of his history book. Jealous that he can escape the routine that I struggle so hard to find. With jealousy usually comes anger & I project a lot of unintentional anger on his ability to escape the routine of parenthood. I mean how dare he try to provide for us & educate himself! The nerve.
I LOVE being a Mom. It's as rewarding and fulfilling as I always dreamed it would be. I love watching little man grow. I love watching him learn new things & watching him develop into the person he is going to be.
I just feel neglected - which makes me feel selfish- which in turn makes me question my parenting. I thought parenting would instantly create us to be selfless women. Stupid, I know.  I struggle with finding a balance between being a parent and a housewife. I feel, slightly, betrayed by all these TV shows & movies that make this look all so easy. It's not. It's rewarding. It's beyond rewarding. It's just not easy.
There are days that I just want to wake up and say "yea, sorry babe I'm not going to be a parent today. I'm going to finally finish that blanket for my bestie that I've been working on for a year. I'm going to finish Christmas shopping & wrap it all up. I'm going to send out our Christmas cards & then I'm going to go lay out in the back yard with a beer in my hand for remainder of the day." Ok maybe not those exact things.. but there are times I just want half a day.. a couple of hours to feel like Amy not just Mom. Like I said - I am struggling with balance.
That's all. I just need to find my Mommy balance and my personal balance. Well this amazing little man just awoke from his nap.. so I'm off.
But before I go.. I ask: How did you find your balance? How did you create a routine that worked for you?

Thursday, December 3, 2015

Another birthday

It's been 13 days since my birthday passed and I'm just now getting around to writing a reflection post that was intended to be up on my birthday. We have been so busy around here that the blog has taken a back seat. My brother generously flew my husband, little man & I out to see him in Washington State. He showered little man with clothes and toys, my husband & I with tickets to the Seahawaks vs 49ers game and fed us an amazing Thanksgiving meal that I 'thankfully' didn't have to cook. We toured the city and took a ton of pictures tourist style. We had a blast and this years birthday will be one to remember for several different reasons.
I'm was also blessed by the six people who showered me with gifts ranging from Starbucks gift cards & swag to Peyton Manning t-shirts because I adore him. My husband went above and beyond by giving me a beautiful "Ruby" necklace {little mans birth stone} and a beautiful Micheal Kors handbag - completely unexpected. I didn't expect to receive anything but I'm so blessed and Thankful for what I did receive.
Every year I come up with resolutions - like New Years - to implicate for the following year. Sometimes it's something silly & simple like 'lose 20 pounds' and I'm excited that at least one of the items finally got checked off the list.. being a Mom. It's the greatest accomplishment and gift - one I didn't think I'd have the honor of receiving. So while my lists of years past seem silly & childlike - they are still apart of the person that I strive to be.
This years list is more of a shaping into the women I want to represent in little man's life. While that sentence could be created into a whole blog post on it's own  - I want to explain that it's important that I conduct myself into a person I want my son to look up too. Most boys look for women who are like their Mom's to date & marry - that's pretty big. So what value's am I showing him that he would want in his future wife? What are the adjectives that I would like him to use to describe me when he gets older?
1. I want to stop complaining. It's so easy to see the negative and be disappointed. People say it takes more energy to be happy other then complaining. I've also found that it has become super easy to complain about things & people. So that is one of my first resolutions.
2. To be healthy. Not to be confused with just losing weight. I want to be healthy. I want to install a good eating habit & workout routine. After all our traveling is done we are going to resign our YMCA membership; which is great for all of us! I can't wait to get little man into swimming lessons and get out of the house for some fun time. We are going back on the Paleo Plus I think it will help us all to get into a healthier lifestyle.
3.  To be a little more frugal. I want to curb my spending and live off of what we need too. It's important to show little man the important things in life aren't materalistic and I need to live that before I can teach that. It's easy to get into Amazon and spend money without hesitation. Anyway I just need to buckle down on spending.
4. I'd like to have another baby! So hopefully we can create a little sister or brother for little man. Hey, I'm no spring chicken. it took so long for this one that we don't feel we should really wait for #2 but we shall see what 2016 bring us .. yea?

Ok well I have babbled long enough. I thought I'd share my reflections or resolutions for the next year. Don't worry I'm sure you see this as a repeat post in a couple of weeks for the real 'resolution' buzz.

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Write or Die Wednesday: Pets

Write or Die Wednesdays

I am joining these two awesome ladies for another bi-weekly writing prompt link up. 
So who are these two awesome ladies? Well we have Mia from The Chronicles of Chaos & Vashelle from Shelly's Cabaret.
If you haven't joined the fun & linked up for this bi-weekly writing prompt.. then you need too! This week's prompt is:

I would own a pet store, in my house, if I could. Once upon a time I wanted hundreds of acres for a animal rescue.. mostly for dogs. It breaks my heart to see all these animals that are in shelters or that are hurt by people. If I had to pick between animals or people.. I'd pick animals. There is something so 'helpless' about an animal & the unconditional love of a cat/dog is irreplaceable.

Before I start talking about all the the furbabies that I have... I want to say that if the newest Dr. Suess book fits this prompt perfectly! If you haven't gotten a chance to read this book or own it.. I highly recommend it! Super cute read. Considering we did little man's nursery in Dr. Suess we had to add it to the collection when it was released.

I believe that for some couples animals are starter kids. Couples get a cute puppy or kitten together before they have kids. I think it's a great thing couples do.. as long as the animals are taken care & not forgotten when the tiny humans come along.

As most of you know the love of my life Grizzly passed away in June of this year. He spent 13 spoiled years on this earth. As fate would have it..exactly a month before little man was born ~ plus: I kept in touch with the breeder that I got Grizzly from in 2003. After Grizzly's death I contacted her, per my husbands request, and Grizzly's youngest sister was having her last litter. On Thanksgiving his sister had her puppies... she had two boys. We found out that both boys were ours & then the next day on of the puppies passed away. We are getting the remaining puppy in late Jan & we have named him Theodore "Teddy". {Theodore was not only a President but Dr. Suess real name}. So long story short.. I'm getting Grizzly's nephew.. how awesome is that?! Plus I can't think of a greater joy then for little man to have a part of Grizzly grow up with him.

In 2011 I got the chance to go to Houston, Texas. While in Texas I visited my husbands family and his neighbor had Great Dane puppies. Prior to my husband leaving on his deployment he joked that he wanted a black n white dog dyed blue, so when I found this merle Great Dane puppy - I just knew I had to have him! Long story short the owner found out that my now husband & I were dating and gifted this beautiful puppy to us. He has been a perfect match in our lives. He is cuddly, he is sweet and is still a big ole puppy. He loves to play fetch, bark at the mailman and hasn't yet come to terms with the new small human.

 Spice. She is probably my favorite of our two cats. I love her free spirit & I love that she chooses when she shows you loves. In 2012 our old roomie went to the corner gas station. The clerk had watched someone throw a box out the window in their parking lot & he took a break to retrieve it. Instead of picking up the box .. he kicked it across the parking lot to the dumpster. As he picked it up he heard a small weak cry. Low & behold our sweet Spice was inside.
She is happy to come & go in/out as she pleases. She is my ferrel kitty. She really doesn't like people (with reason) and stays away when people visit. She catches us mice and leaves them for 'presents'. Spice loves to drink water out of the faucets in the kitchen & bathrooms. She has also been known to turn the bathroom sink on and of course leave it on... sneaky girl. At night she curls up at my feet and purrs really loud. Spice also likes to sit and lay in all the baby stuff.. including crib (when the babies not in it of course).  Like I said I love that she chooses when she shows you loves.

This little beauty is Sprinkles. We adopted her from a family who moved and couldn't take her three years ago on Halloween. Thankfully she was a kitten and adjusted quickly. She is my lover. She loves to talk, cuddle, be held and talked too. This cat has a strange obsession with her food bowl and thinks it has to be filled to the brim or it's empty. I have to say that having such a vocal cat drives me insane! but I love her. The best part is that she loves my husband. Out of all the animals in our home I know without question that she will be curled up in lap or arms. Sprinkles even sleeps between us at night .. she has a very strong attachment with my husband.

Well, these are my babies. These are my world. Again, I wish I could adopt all the kittens/cats.. puppies/dogs in shelters and give them love. I wish that I could break every bone in a abusers body when an animal is hurt. I also plan on adding a couple of gold fish to our clan in Jan. I think animals are the most selfless and loving creatures on this planet. If we could be half the people that our animals are this world would be an amazing place. Given the chance.. please adopt a baby out of a shelter. Give a stray some food & water / a warm place to sleep in the winter months. it isn't there fault they are on this earth and they are a soul. They feel, they love. And please stop abuse when you see it happening. A year in a shelter is better then a moment being abused.

I hope you all link up with Mia & Vashelle and join the fun!! Until the next link up..
have a Merry Christmas!

Monday, November 16, 2015

Christmas anticipation

It's a couple of days away from Thanksgiving - 9 days actually. As we prepare for our Thanksgiving this year I can't help but wait for Christmas. I have waited on this Christmas for a very long time. 10 years actually. This year I get to experience my first Christmas with my child. I have heard that a child isn't able to retrieve a memory before 5-7 years of age but that isn't going to stifle my excitement or anticipation.
Every year I get really excited to 'deck the halls'. I love staring at the Christmas tree lit up at night - the glow illuminating the living room. I love the ambiance that lights on a house brings. I love the sense of community the holiday's seem to bring. There are things that I don't like.. it seems that Christmas brings out a sense of greed. I don't like the expectation of giving a gift but I love the innocence of watching Christmas through a Child. I've never been one to get my Christmas shopping done a month or weeks in advance because of what I said above. I feel that the holiday brings both greed and the expectation of gift giving.
Over this past weekend I bought all my friends kids their Christmas gifts. While my husband feels the gifts are a little "dull" - It's the thought behind the gift that counts.. right? I printed my Christmas cards after doing our own pictures. I've also managed to purchase all of my sons Christmas gifts, except for a little red wagon. Anyway. My point of this post is that for the first time in a very long time I am excited for Christmas. I'm excited to see the joy in my child's face - even though that sounds crazy because he has no idea what is going on. He may not ever remember these first holidays that we are celebrating with him.. but I will. I will remember this Christmas for the rest of my life.
Someone told me over the weekend that their child had so many toys that they were going to just grab a toy that is barely used - wrap it and put it under the tree. It shocked me. While I complain about the expectations - I couldn't imagine doing that. I'm sure there will come a day when 'little man' has so many toys that he wont need another under the tree. I'm sure some day I'll complain of the things that clutter a toys chest and shelves. I'll yell as I step on a lego - which I hear is ultra painful. All the same I can't begin to absorb the thought of 'regifting' toys from his own toy box and saying they are from "Santa". So I bought the child a toy. I wanted to make sure that the child in question at least gets ONE item to unwrap on Christmas day - that wasn't from his toy box. With that I'll add that I try really really hard not to judge & honestly it's not what I am trying to do here. I just feel that a child should have at least one 'new' toy to unwrap. Further more if you feel your child has so many toys in their room.. donate them. Their are so many children who will go without due in income shortages and that is a huge part of the meaning of the holiday.. is it not? My brother & I were talking about when a good age for 'little man' would be to start taking him to donate a gift to a child. I don't want to just take a couple of toys to a Marine Corps recruitment office (TOYS FOR TOTS) - I want him to pick out a gift, wrap it and take it to another child. I want him to see the joy it brings to that child to receive that item he picked out. I want him to get the holiday on a emotional level - not just the commercial propoganda that we have created.  I also want him to work in a 'soup kitchen' around Thanksgiving. I think by taking him a soup kitchen and to volunteer our time to serve those who are less fortunate then us.. well help him respect the things that he has.
Wow this topic went crazy off the path I intended to share. I stand behind all that I shared. I feel that I have a lot of grey areas in how I believe about Christmas. I want him to have the joy of experiencing Santa and Christmas. I also want him to understand the originally intended meaning of the holiday. Not just the religious portion.. but the pagan meaning as well. Continuing what St Nickolas started and understanding what it was meant to be before commercial propoganda took over.
I simply can't wait for this years Christmas. I simply can't wait to start a tradition that my child will carry with him for the rest of his life & continue on with his children. That's pretty big and a pretty important role as a parent. Non the less .. my whole point of this post was to say that I have waited for ten years for this Christmas!!

Wednesday, November 4, 2015

WODW - Laughter

Write or Die Wednesdays

joining the fabulous creators of Write or Die Wednesdays:

The Chronicles of Chaos 
Shelly's Cabaret 

This weeks' topic is Laughter:

For this post I'm going to share with you guys that make me lol no matter how many times I read them or watch them.. ready? Here we go.

I received this stupid cow from a old boyfriend while visiting him in Pensacola, Florida. It was one of my favorite things in the world because no matter how bad my days were - this stuffed cow could make me laugh uncontrollably. Still can. It's ridiculous of long and hard I can laugh listening to this cow... to this day. I shared it with a friend last year & it took me over a hour to calm down. So .. you've been warned. {Due to many moves I have lost the cow but thanks to our awesome internet world I was able to find it}.

I found this stupid panda sneezing video almost over 10 years ago. I still to this day can't watch the video without laughing to tears. Why? It's the reaction of the Momma panda. It's such a innocent moment but it's hysterical - to me & obviously other viewers as well. I think it's the spontaneous reaction of the whole situation that makes this a genuine hysterical moment. At any case.. it's cute so enjoy:

During my wedding vows in Feb 2013 I got the case of the giggles. It was the way my husband said "for richer or poorer" that made me lose it. I had a VERY hard time regaining my control and my laughter turned into sobbbing. What should have taken moments took a little longer because I couldn't regain my composure. It also didn't help that my husband lost his cool after I started laughing as well - which in turn made me laugh even more. {I couldn't find the video but here are a couple of pictures to prove the story I was telling you}

There is nothing more pure or contagious as a baby laughing. Hearing my sons laughter or seeing a smile cross his face can change my sour mood faster then a snap of a finger. While looking for a meme to express that I found this & well it make me lol so I had to share.

So there are my go to video's that make me laugh uncontrollably. A couple of pictures that show that I was super nervous the day I said "I Do". And of course a cute little meme about a baby.
I can't wait to see how everyone else took this prompt.

Sunday, November 1, 2015

Halloween & looking back.

Every November I look back on my life. Most people reserve this notion for January but I love to look back on the past year of my life and my goodness what a year it has been.
Before I get into that let's talk about Halloween.
Our Halloween was super simple, well simple to us. Friday night we joined some friends at my husbands command for their"Trunk or Treat". It was nice to be around other parents. All of the kids that came looked so cute in the various outfits they wore. While there we were able to get some pictures of the three of us & of course little man (aka little lion man).

 Halloween 2015

On Saturday we ended up having a scavenger hunt looking for two carving pumpkins & came up empty handed. I was so bummed that I almost allowed it to ruin my day but we prevailed. We had some friends join us at our place for some homemade burgers while we passed out candy. We dressed our kids up and hit the street to stop at a couple of neighbors houses - which was so much fun! Little Man helped us pass out candy to Trick or Treaters who stopped by our house. Our little man passed out a little early due to his busy day.

How was your Halloween?

November has a special place in our home. It's the month the hubby & I bought our house together in 2011. It's also my birthday month - Wahoo! This year will be my first November in 13 years without Grizzly. It's also the month that I break out all of my storage boxes and transform our home to a Christmas wonderland. Every year I go bigger & bigger (but that's a whole different post). This year, like last year, we added a new special meaning to the month.

A year ago today we found out that we were expecting a baby! What an beautiful day that was. After many years of trying and fertility treatments.. we had won the infertility battle. I look back and realize that I almost didn't go through with the IVF process. I was terrified. Terrified for many different reasons - which all seem obsolete now. If I am being 100% honest, I enjoyed the whole IVF process. Honestly. Biology is amazing & to be able to see how these little cells turn into a embryo that turns in a baby.. is honestly amazing. I learned so much about the human body & was just so impressed with how our bodies adapt and create our little miracles we call Children. Without that science I would have never come to appreciate a women body & all that it is capable of doing.

Normally I'm breaking out my "I Want List"... but this year it seems I have everything I've ever wanted. I have a beautiful home, great friends, a great relationship with my brother, an amazing man I get to call my husband and a beautifully healthy son. Life is exactly like I dreamed it would be. I look back to just a short couple of years (2010) and realize how much my life has changed in just a short amount of time. I am very Thankful and enormously blessed.

In a short couple of weeks we are taking our first family vacation. I don't want to share until after it happens but I am SUPER excited! I can say that it will involve a flight .. on a plane.. and I'm excited.
I hope you all had a great weekend & I look forward to your posts about Halloween!!

Monday, October 26, 2015

A Update on Life.

I would love to say that I have been super busy & haven't had time to stop and blog ... but it's honestly the last thing I think about. Don't get me wrong - I love you all! I usually just try to get a post up for my favorite link up "Write or Die Wednesday".

Speaking of love. I can't believe my son is 15 weeks old.. 15 weeks! I just blinked and here we are. Gearing up for his first Halloween this week.. can't wait to share him & his adorable costume! We are also going to be carving some pumpkins this weekend & next year we'll take him to a pumpkin patch to collect his own - but I think he's too young this year.

So here is a pinterest fail for ya. I found these adorable plates with the kiddo's feet and hands for halloween & thought "Oh we can do that!". I sent the hubby to go get some construction paper & he talked me into going to CeraminCafe {which isn't hard to talk me into - Love the place!}. So off we went. SO they ask that you paint the item 3x so it seals on the ceramics.. then they fire it and you pick it up in a couple of days. Problem is you can't put a babies foot in the same exact place three times. This is what I wanted to make:

and this is what we got. 

Not exactly the same.. still adorable.. but not the same. You can't really tell those are his adorable little baby feet .. *sad face*. Plus we didn't notice that we forgot the 'or' until after.. but the hubby says it's implied, lol. It will be a keepsake non the less. I wanna go back for Thanksgiving to make a Turkey.. not sure that it will turn out any better.. but we are going to try it again. Again, still a great keepsake... yea?

Gosh we have some crazy plans these next couple of months on top of the holidays!! Super excited to share all of those details with you guys at a later time. {Don't wanna jinx anything}

Little man is growing up so quickly! He wants to sit up and stand already. He loves to sing and coo at us. He absolutely hates tummy time & playing on his back. Seriously hates it. Of course we make him do it but man that kid can scream when he wants too. Normally Little Man is pretty chill. He is such a happy baby {aside from tummy time}. We got blessed with the fact that he has my sleeping habits & has slept through the night since he was three weeks old. It's very rare that he wakes up for a feeding after 10pm or before 4am. If he does.. he just eats and goes right back to sleep. I can sleep through anything and thankfully so can he. Daddy is a early riser and Mommy is a night owl.. he got the best of the both of and fit right in the middle.

We took Little Man to the beach the other day - for the first time. {If you follow me on Instagram then you have already seen the pictures}. My hubby thought he'd freak out over the cold water & I thought he was going to hate the texture of the sand - we were both wrong.  We found seashells to commemorate his first - which I'll frame with the three pictures we got. I mean it was a big deal for me.

Back to the holiday stuff. I have already managed to purchase his "Santa" items for Christmas. We wanna get him a Little Tikes "Little Red Wagon". {Anybody else start singing Miranda Lambert's song when you read that??} I think that will be our from "Mom & Dad" gift to him even though it's recommended for a two year old. I think it would be perfect for beach trips!  I also managed to find all three "My First" outfits for the holidays. Little Man ended up getting two different "first Halloween" outfits but I'm sure they will be used considering this kid slobbers on everything. I can't wait to do a Halloween post to show you guys! His Thanksgiving and Christmas ones are adorable. Thanks to pinterest my etsy addiction has just grown post partum. Through pinterest I was able to find these awesome Christmas PJ's..

I ordered the green ones with his name on them because frankly red is not this kids color. I ordered these adorable PJ's from "Gentry's Closet". I also manged to find this keepsake pillow case & had to order it. I got it in the mail the other day and was "oh it's cute" then I put the pillow in it and I fell in love with it! Serious difference between just the case and the stuffed case..

I found this from "Parris Chic Boutique". Super simple to order & it was super quick getting to me too. I didn't order the case with the pillow but wish I had spent the extra $5. I got mine with orange lettering & I absolutely love it. One of my favorite Etsy purchases so far.. simply because it's unique and it's timeless. I'll have this pillow forever. One day he'll have this pillow. I just think it's super sweet. I have a couple of things I'm holding off to order simply because I can get carried away super fast. We just printed 'all' of his pictures off and made a photo album with them.. seriously filled that beast and he's not even four months old. I also caught up on his baby album book.. which frankly is a joke of a book IMO... and got his shadow box done. I put his first outfit, socks, the umbilical cord tie, our bracelets, a newborn diaper and a non naked picture of him. I mean all his first pictures were in the buff so I had to find the next best one... I mean if Wal-Mart would print his very first pictures out I'd be tickled pink!

So yea.. I've been busy. I have wanted to be a Mommy for so long that I just eat this stuff up. My hubby thinks I've lost my mind and forgot that I didn't marry a millionaire but to me these are the important things. The first outfits, the shadow box, the pillow with his birth stats, and his monogrammed PJ's. You only get one first and I wan to make sure that I capture those moments.. yea know?. Maybe I'm silly but a hopeless romantic is always a hopeless romantic. I want my kids to know that they meant the world to me... of course I can do that without going bankrupt but again I think these are important.

I'm off to bed. Just wanted to give a quick update and share some picture of little man. Hope you all join me next Wednesday for the Write or Die link up!! Have a safe and Happy Halloween everyone! Look forward to seeing all the costumes.. both kiddo's and adults costumes!

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

WODW: Loneliness

Write or Die Wednesdays

Linking up with 
for this weeks bi-weekly link up. Today's topic is: 
This bi-weekly Write or Die topic is: Loneliness

Leaves wrestling in the wind and leaves crunching under her feet. You could hear the birds singing their lovely songs & the water lapping at the bank. Up ahead she could see the long wooden dock through the morning fog. She loved the smell of a early fall morning by the lake. She loved the energy she felt surrounded by the trees, the water, the animals scurrying around -just the simple sound of nature. Elise took a moment to stop and just take it all in.
She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.
She adjusted her pink bandana on top of her head and tucked a lock of her long black hair behind her ears. She tugged at her pink Nike shirt once more before throwing her hands back into her fleece jacket. She took another long breath and continued walking.
She never imagined at 26 she would find her solitude out in the woods. She never thought this is where she'd be. At 22 she saw herself living in a pricey New York loft, blending in with all those people on the streets. She'd wear designer suits, rush for a morning cup of coffee before getting on the subway. She'd have a office with a window that looked out of over the crowded streets of New York. Elise just knew that she'd be important one day. 
Plans change. Life changes without warning. 
They were in love. She heard the static about being 23 and not knowing what love was. The constant "experience life before settling down - you're only young once!"  Elise couldn't wait to prove them wrong. She could still see his steel blue eyes under that old worn out red ball cap, that goofy grin that showed his chipped tooth he received at while playing football. She could hear him singing off key to the radio, she could smell his cologne and she could feel his touch. Brian always pleaded with her to join him out on the lake by the woods. It just wasn't for her. She wasn't a outdoor kinda girl - "people who worked in corner office's don't have time for hiking trails" she used to say. She cringed at the memory. 
It all happened so fast. They put a deposit down on a two bedroom condo on the east side of town. She had gotten a office job & he worked on cars at the local dealership. Brain talked about them taking a vacation to visit his Uncles Log cabin. The joked about running to the court house during her lunch break & just eloping. She wanted more - so much more with him then this little town offered. She was tired of this slow quiet life - she yearned for fast and loud. While he went to bonfires and parties she stayed at home to read. Elise knew to advance in her career she'd have to know the lingo, prove that she could handle a real corporate job. The thought of staying at the town lawyers office filing papers and answering phones the rest of her life make her turn up her nose. 
A small storm had blown through and Brian wanted to go check on his Uncles cabin. He begged her to go along but she stayed behind. She had work to do. Before throwing on his faded red cap he kissed the back of her left hand. The twinkle of the engagement ring on her finger made them both smile. Turning towards the door he looked back and winked at her and said 'I'll make you fall in love with the outdoors one day Elise, just you wait!" The door shut behind him. 
She stood at the edge of the dock looking out on still lake. She wiped the tears that streamed from her beautiful green eyes. She fought back the memory of that day but it always took her back. The officer said he must have dodged an animal before he lost control of his truck. The road was so slippery that he must not have been able to stop. A hunter found his truck wrapped around a tree. They said he died on impact. That he hadn't felt a thing. I guess that was meant to be comforting because she felt everything. In a moment it was all gone. Nothing seemed important anymore. 
Their families tried to console her, they tried to say all the right things. They tried showering her with affection but over time people stopped calling or stopping by. She had tried dating again but she found herself always searching the crowd for a glimpse of a fading red cap. After two long and lonely months she took a took week vacation. Elise surprised herself by calling Brian's uncle and asking for the keys to his cabin. It's the once place he always tried to take her "it's what I imagine heaven would be live Elise" he'd say. "the trees, the water, all the animals.. it's so peaceful I'd know you'd love it if you'd just give it a try!" he'd plead. 
Elise allowed the tears to fall down her checks. She allowed the sobs to flow from her mouth. She didn't try to hide the pain here. She felt safe. She felt as if a part of him was still here with her when she was at the cabin. She was angry. Angry that he didn't live. Angry that their life had been shattered. Angry at the animal that lives when he didn't. Elise had been so busy chasing a corporate life that she forgot to live. She hadn't given herself a chance to really live. Elise vowed that she'd never take for granted those moments she could have had with Brian. She swore she'd never let a job take away her life. She screamed. She cried for the love lost & the life that could have been. Her screams and cry's carried over the lake and into the wind. 
It had been three years. Three of the longest years of her life. Losing Brian had changed her life so drastically that it made her head spin. Nothing made her smile except being out here. Nothing made her feel alive except for the dancing leaves that surrounded her and the wind caressing her face. The irony that the one that brought her peace also had brought her so much pain. She pushed Brian away - now she could see that. He had pleaded for her to put her books down and see the world as he did. Always asking to share this peace of serenity with her and it wasn't until his death she agreed. 
Her throat hurt, her eyes were swollen from crying. Her hands trembled as she held the engagement ring Brian had given her in her hand. She held it and whispered "thank you for saving me" into the wind. Putting the ring back into her jean pocket she turned to go. Tomorrow was Monday and she'd have to leave in the next couple of hours to beat the traffic. She came every weekend. Just to somehow feel him around her. 
As Elise walked back towards the cabin she listened to the leaves in the tree's and the leaves below her feet. She felt the wind around her and a lose stand of hair tickled her face. She listened to the songs the birds sang for her and the lapping of the water grow distantly behind her. She stopped to take one more look around and secretly hoped that she'd see a worn red cap in the woods.
Elise took a deep breath and exhaled.


Monday, October 5, 2015

WODW - The language of Water.

Write or Die Wednesdays

Linking up with 
for this weeks bi-weekly link up. Today's topic is: 

When my world gets too stressful. When I feel like the world is crashing all around me. When I have a huge decision to make. When all I can hear is static and noise. When I need to find my sense of gravity and peace. When I need a day filled with peace and beauty. When I just simply need a recharge.. I go to water. I find the nearest pool, lake or ocean and go. Someday's it's just as simple as driving by the beach and looking over at the waves crashing against the shore. There is something so rejuvenating about it to me.  Like the waves speak a language I don't quit understand buy my soul does. I can feel the stress, worry, annoyance, static just melt away. It can take a matter of moments to a couple of hours. I can sit in silence for hours at the beach. I can simply show up in a pair of shorts in a tank top with a bottle of water - and sit for HOURS. 9 out of 10 I turn my phone off & bring a book just in case I want to read.. but reading is a distraction.

Water has always been a calming factor to me. I love when it rains. I love when it storms. It's a different kind of love language but it's still really refreshing and rejuvenating. I could sit in a chair on a porch and listen to the rain for hours. I used to make a pot of coffee and do just that. Sit on my front porch in Oklahoma and just watch it rain.

I even love songs about rain. SheDaisy - I Wish I were the Rain/ Jana Kramer - I Hope it Rains/ Carrie Underwood - Blown Away/ Dierks Bentley - Settle for a Slowdown/ When It Rains - Eli Young Band/ Bring on The Rain - Jo Dee Messina/ Let It Rain - David Nail/ Songs About Rain - Gary Allen/ She's My Kind of Rain - Tim McGraw and of course Rain Is A Good Thing - Luke Bryan.

I love being in water. I love the feel of the water. I love the coolness, or the saltiness. I love how it makes you feel so youthful and free. I love the feeling of being in a pool can quickly take over your body. During hot days in OK - I'd sit out in my blow up pool and relax. Melt the week's stress away. It was heaven. I used the pool in my backyard here in CA for my pregnancy relief. It was a godsend. 

Water is my super weapon. It's my de-stresser. It's my relaxing tool. I have no idea what I'll do when we move away from CA and I'm not 20 min from the Ocean.  All of these pictures are ones that I have taken. Hope you all enjoy.  

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

WODW: Off The Beaten Path

Write or Die Wednesdays

Linking up with 

This weeks' bi-weekly topic is: 

There is nothing more freeing then a road trip. 
Ya know the kind - where the windows are rolled down. 
Your hair is in a messy bun but stray hair is flying all around.
Those days where you turn the radio up really loud and you just follow the pavement.

I have found some amazing short cuts around town that way.
I have found some of the most beautiful spots that have a clear view of the ocean. 
When my life turned upside down when I was 20 - I moved to Oklahoma to start anew. I took to the road and listened the songs of the interstate. 
{It was my first long stretch and I didn't end up driving the whole way.. but.. }
Then there were the trips back to Texas. 
Those long 8.5 hour drives with nothing but God's country for eye candy. Those were amazing trips. 

When my life took a dip again I took the road & moved to California. 
That was one of the best road trips I've ever taken. I drove my car full of the things I needed - Grizzly as my side kick & a stereo pumping. It took me two full days to drive & it was so methodical. Therapeutic in a kick butt kind of way. Meaning: It's not a clear headed, destressing kind of therapeutic thing but I have used driving as a life changing therapeutic kind of way. 

They have a thousand song {country} that talk about using the wide open road to move on.
These are some of my personal favorites
Dierks Bentley: Settle for a Slowdown
Runaway: Love & Theft
Julie Roberts: Breakdown here
Rascal Flatts: I'm Moving On / Here Comes Goodbye / Life is a Highway
just to list a couple. 
Alabama: Roll On / I'm in a Hurry 

Alright ladies - I'm going to say goodbye for now. Looking forward to the next link up as well. I'm sorry I missed the last two. I actually had them written but just forgot to link them up - oh well. Hope you all have a great week & safe weekend! 

Thursday, August 20, 2015


Parenting is hard. Parenting is daunting just from your own prospectives. I can't tell you how many times a day I ask myself if I am being a good parent. Wonder if I could have done something better to soothe his cry. If I should skip the morning nap and take him for a stroll around the neighborhood - even though he is sleeping. I can't tell you how many times I've googled "how to play with a 6 week old" or "how to build cognitive skills for a six week old". It's so hard to be a parent and not judge ourselves on the job we are doing.
Then you add other opinions & comments. Some can be uplifting and supportive. Some you can call for a question and get solid advice. You post a simple question on a facebook group and cringe as you read the comments that start to pour in. Wonder how people are taking the comment that you posted because their comments aren't even close to what you said. EX. I joined a 'breastfeeding' support group via facebook. It came recommended by a good friend of mine and so I didn't hesitate to ask a question in regards of how to boost my milk supply. Instead of getting helpful information, I got attacked by other Mom's telling me what a horrible parent I am. My son doesn't latch which means that I'm not breastfeeding him. I'm pumping up to 10x a day so that my son can have breast milk instead of formula - but somehow that makes me a bad Mom. I refuse to force my son to take 'my' nipple verses a bottle's - that makes me a bad Mom. They went so far to even say that the amount that I was feeding my son was wrong - even though it was approved by our pediatrician.
My overall point isn't to point out how I feel about my parenting or to point out that some people were mean to me. The point I am trying to make is that - Parenting - life in general - is hard so why do we put people down instead of building them up? I think in a way we can all be bullies & through social media it's ok because we are sharing our points of views. People don't talk to each other anymore so we have lost the art of listening to the way people say something. We are so over opinionated that we lose the fact that they have ideas & views also. Just because you don't agree with me doesn't make me wrong - but it also doesn't make you wrong either.
It has come to a point that I keep my views & opinions to myself to keep from 'offending' other people. It's not 'why are we afraid of offending someone' it's when did we become a generation of fear? When did we become scared to share our thoughts in fear of being kicked down and tossed aside? When did conversations become a one sided version .. If I don't agree with you on a topic we are going to argue. That's how our generations & generations below us have become. We can't take 'advice' from someone older because they are judging us & after all 'what do they know?' We are so determined to have an opinion and make everyone around us see only our view that we don't listen to others. Then when we don't agree we bash them on social media again looking for others to agree with us. When they don't do that we attack them. Fact. Take five people & share your point of view on any topic.. those five people may see your point but they aren't going to 100% agree with your point. They will inject their beliefs & their views into that same topic. Creating a spiderweb of views and points to the same topic while still agreeing to your underlining topic. Make sense?
Religion. Everybody has their own beliefs and views on religion. We all could read the same scripture or passage and we all would take & interpret different things from the same scripture or passage.  Does that make us all wrong? Or does that make us all individuals?
I look at what our society is becoming. I fear that my son wont be able to have his own thoughts and beliefs. I fear that his individual beliefs will put him in danger one day. I fear that one day he wont be able to stand up & share his side of a story because he'll be bullied later. Bullied by whispers, by social media, by other people who will pick out all his indifference's in hopes that it lessens his credibility.
You can't say that it wont happen because in my opinion it already is happening. I don't have the answers. I don't have the magic solution to make it stop or how to reverse what it already in play. I think by bringing the situation to light may help others be more aware of how they respond to others. So I challenge you to stop and really take the time to read other comments on a page or picture. Take a moment to see how our society already responds to one another. Look at the way you respond to others when you have a difference in opinion. It's all I ask. Maybe the awareness will shed some light into the negative responses & we will start lifting each other up more. Maybe one day my son will be able to ask a question to a support group & get positive responses. Maybe one day he'll be able to talk about real issues that don't involve the Kardashians or the newest reality TV show with out being put down. Maybe one day he can ask for help & not be told that he is a loser for not knowing the answer.
I just think it's sad that we can't ask for help from people without being bullied - even as an adult.

Monday, August 17, 2015


I can't believe my son is five weeks old - every week I get more and more shocked by how fast the weeks fly by. I love how he is starting to be awake longer throughout the day. The things that make this kid laugh are hysterical. The other day I was getting ready to go somewhere and he started to cry. I was putting on my makeup so I took my blush brush and brushed it over his nose.. he started smiling! I did it again and we got what sounded like a giggle & every time we do it we get the same response. I have learned that things pertaining to his face make him laugh - the rest of the body he seems very cautious. It might be the fact that he can't see and he's sense of touch is new. It is really neat to watch this little person develop before your eyes. This Mom gig is pretty awesome. I think it's pretty funny how I stressed over getting the nursery done & he doesn't even sleep in there. I wish I had splurged on house cleaning help because the house chores are driving me bonkers. I'm torn between just holding "baby boy" all day or putting him down to get stuff done. The hubby has been a huge help & takes care of feedings and stuff during the afternoon - so he can get his baby fix. That helps me accomplish small tasks but again I just want to sit and stare at "baby boy".

This is crazy cool - IMO. Grizzly has been gone for two months now & I miss him more and more. I knew I'd be crazy heartbroken when I lost him, but this amount of pain is unreal. I thought it would diminish after we had 'baby boy' but that hasn't seemed to happen yet either. I decided that I didn't want to have another Pomeranian again. My hubby wouldn't hear of it he said I have four things that define me: Dierks Bentley, Pomeranian's, Starbucks & Victoria Secret. (haha).
The hubby talked me into e-mailing the lady I bought Grizzly from since we have kept in touch all these years. I finally sent her a e-mail explaining our loss and what was wrong with him. She sent me pictures of him as a puppy before we got him (before 6 weeks) and pictures of his Mom. Then she told me that his sister (from another litter but from the same parents) is having her last litter of puppies this December. Laura went on to say then she(Laura) isn't going to be breeding anymore after this litter. So basically if I wanted a puppy from her it would be the last of Grizzly's blood line (from her) that I'd be able to have. The thought of getting another Pomeranian is ok.. I love them but the thought of getting another Pom that is from Grizzly's blood line - makes me teary eyed. So since she is in the south & I'm in CA I was curious on how we would even get the puppy. Low and behold her nephew lives 30 minutes away from us & they were just here two months ago visiting! He is planning on visiting her from Christmas and has agreed to bring the puppy back with him.
I took this as a sign that this was meant to be just because to many things aligned. So the plan is that we are getting a pom puppy in Dec/Jan - a direct decedent of my very best friend. It makes me cry every time I write or say that. I mean it's super special & I feel like it's a great way to honor Grizzly. I wish I could purchase more then one puppy since it will be the last of the line.. but one is better then nothing.

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Write or Die Wednesday - Breakfast

Another Wednesday has come & I'm joining up for the bi-weekly link up created by:

Write or Die Wednesdays

This week's bi-weekly topic is:

Growing up breakfast wasn't a huge institution in our home - dinner was. While we had a wide range of cereals - hot and cold, muffins, and fruits; it wasn't a huge sit down meal. We just picked what we wanted on our way out the door to either school or work. There was always a pot of coffee available but nothing I ever indulged in while at home.
Now as an adult with a house hold of my own.. breakfast still isn't a huge institution. Like the household I grew up in, I provide various hot & cold cereals, fruits and coffee. Back when our house was full of roommates, I thought that breakfast was super important. I wanted breakfast to be that meal where we all set down and had a moment together. I would get up every Sunday and fix a huge breakfast. Pancakes, bacon, & eggs. Waffles. Sausage, biscuits and gravy. I went all out. Everybody slowly left our house and the breakfast morning stopped. My husband like to hint towards weekend breakfast ever so often & I get the hint by creating a smaller version for the two of us.
I think my two favorite types of breakfast is either a Caramel Machiato with a blueberry scone from Starbucks or a Smoothie from Jamba Juice. I'm not a huge wake up and eat breakfast kinda girl. I love my coffee but I can live without all the extras. More or less because I'm not a morning person, I don't want to wake up and cook & then I have to clean up after everyone has eaten. I'd rather get up and throw some clothes on for a drive thru.
My all time favorite place to eat is IHOP now, it used to be Waffle House when I lived in Oklahoma. Man I loved Waffle House! I could get a huge waffle, some eggs and a side of grits! (yep I'm from the South & we like our grits!) Man those were the best breakfast mornings.. hands down! I also have missed going to a Crackle Barrel on Sunday's (again when I lived in Oklahoma). 
So while I don't go all out for breakfast majority of the time, our house guests would tell you differently. I always make a huge spread if we have a house guest. My specialty meals are more in the evenings. I know breakfast is super important for you but again I'd just rather have a coffee or a smoothie to start my day. Better yet - pay for someone else to make it for me. 

How do you like your breakfast? What is your favorite morning meal?