Monday, March 23, 2015

I'm not perfect.

I'm not perfect. I've made mistakes and I've lost my way a time or two. I've been so angry that I've turned my back on God, family and friends. I have done and said things that I wish I could take back. I've talked shit about someone behind their back and acted like a friend to their face. I've told a lie. I've even used the lords name in vain a dozen times or so. I've invested in a friendship that wasn't healthy and I've fought to keep a relationship that wasn't good for me. I have even gotten married and then got divorced six years later. I have lived with a man I wasn't married too more then once.
I look back at all the things I have done and I'm thankful that I have done them all. Why? Because they have made me the person that I am today. All those moments that I had to make a choice and I choose the wrong way - have taught me a lesson. I have gone down the wrong path just to find the long way back to the right road. I don't have regrets. Ok well maybe a couple.. like letting a friendship go that I shouldn't have.

I believe that as we grow we learn. I'm not the same person I was when I was 23 and I wont be the person I am today at 43. I'm not ashamed of my past because it brought me to where I am right now.
I believe that when we say we have forgiven someone that that person & I start over on a clean slate. The past has been erased and it's starts a new. I believe that people can change. I believe that everyone makes a mistake and that everyone has a bad day. I believe that our opinions and views get in the way of really listening to what others have to say. I believe that we are all individually different, no matter how many things we have in common. I believe that we aren't meant to judge people by the way that they live, who they marry or what color their skin is. I believe that we should reserve judgement on others, no matter how hard that is, and treat people as we would want to be treated. I believe in karma and fate. I believe that the right thing to do isn't the easiest and the easiest isn't always right. I believe that you can have a relationship with God and not be at church all the time.

I lived a life where I felt unwanted and misunderstood. That no matter what I said or did I was wrong. I have been a home where there was no love but full of anger and judgement. I was raised in a home where you have to believe the same as everyone else or you were a sinner. I think religion is a individually based thing. The way that I receive the message or scripture isn't the same way that you might. That doesn't make me wrong or you wrong.. it makes us different. I also think that the road I took growing up IS the road that I was meant to take because it made me who I am today.

I hope and I pray that I can raise my children to be fair and to listen. I hope they are open and understanding to others differences in opinions and way of living. I hope that they don't see things so black and white. I hope my kids stand up for themselves and in what they believe in. I hope my children makes mistakes and they learn from them. I hope and I pray that I fill my children's lives with unconditional love and respect. I hope and I pray that I give my children the complete opposite upbringing that I received. I hope that my kids are just as respectful to animals as they are to people. I hope that I teach my children to look for all the information and then make decisions for themselves.

I have so many fears of being a parent. Knowing that we will all have ups and down. That I will learn as I go and I will make mistakes. I just hope that I can admit when I've made a mistake.

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

It's March already?!?!

In a short couple of days we will be going into our 23rd week. Our awesome Dr's office gave us a pamphlet full of classes to take before birth and postpartum. Awesome classes like CPR for newborns & infants, a Daddy class to help the guys, information on having a Navy baby and of course a labor tour. So between this week all the way through April we will be taking a couple of baby prep classes. I have been around kids my whole life but it never hurts to take a couple of classes.

Over the weekend someone asked me if I already had my birth plan done. First allow me to laugh out loud. I guess the implication was that I'm usually 5 steps ahead but I haven't even gone down that road. I've refused to read any baby books but I have looked up a couple of topics on pinterest mostly regarding breast feeding. I think once we graduate into the third trimester then we can start looking into birth plans and such.

Outside of preparing for a baby we are getting ready for Stagecoach next month! I am super, super excited! We have a baby shower in mid May. We are also nearing the end of shore duty and starting to prepare for sea duty again. Our biggest change is that we are enjoying our time without any room mates. That's been weird but very nice. I've also been scheduling a lot of time to hang at the beach before our baby comes in July. All in all I know July will be here before I know it.

I have already learned a lot of things about myself through this pregnancy.
First I have to say that it's super easy to get lazy.
Secondly I have found a new appreciation for Mom's especially Mom's of multiple kiddo's.
Third I have learned that no matter what time you go to sleep your leg will twitch and cramp waking you up.

What are some tips that you give a first time parent? When did you figure out your birth plan? What were things that helped you through pregnancy and through postpartum??

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

21 weeks.

I can't believe that we are already halfway through our pregnancy and already into our sixth month!!

How far along?  21 weeks
Weight Gain/Loss: up 6 pounds so far & I am proud to say that I can still button my blue jeans.
Sleep: Can't seem to get enough of it.
Best Moment This Week: Last week we got our 20 week 3D ultrasound..

Movements: Our baby is starting to move around more and more. The small 'thumps' that I feel are getting more and more frequent! 
Food Cravings/Aversions: I still crave Lays potato chips. Now I've started really craving fruits.. mostly green apples. I'm in love with sandwiches and salads. I'm not a huge fan of sweets and I'm still not a fan of chicken.
Pregnancy Symptoms: I am still having issues with round ligament pain & stretching.
What I miss: Being able to drink. I would love to have a class of wine right about now.
Stretch Marks: I haven't got any stretch marks and I'm in love with palmer's oil
Belly Button: My belly button was a severe inny due to my cord being cutt too short.. but you can start to see that it's emerging slowly.
Wedding Ring: Still fits
Mood: I get frustrated that I get so worn out so quickly. I'm not able to keep up with the stuff that I use to do without getting tired. Otherwise I'm in good spirits.
Labor Signs: none
Milestones: I hit the halfway mark & got our 20 week 3D ultrasound!
Upcoming appointments/events: We are almost finished with the nursery. Stagecoach is coming up in April and we have our baby shower in May.
What I look forward to: Finishing the nursery. Curtains should arrive this week and we are going to be putting the dresser together.

Everything is going great. I think that all the thoughts and plans I had for being pregnant are completely different. I thought I'd be at the gym all the time & I also thought that I'd be full of energy. So far those two things are very far from the reality. I also wasn't aware of round ligament pain, stretching pain, leg cramps during the night and I really wasn't ready for the foods that I crave.
It's also very frightening to think about how quickly this pregnancy is going and before I know it - it will be July!!