Monday, June 29, 2015

it's a grieving thing.

So Saturday marked the two week point in which Grizzly has been gone. I would like to think that for the most part I've handled this very well but I'm sure my husband would answer differently.
I haven't disturbed or altered his food/water bowls or his bed(s). I did remove his car seat, harness', collar & leash .. I put them all in a box. His absence to me is deafening but I don't walk around crying anymore. I'm not looking for excuses to leave the house either like I was at first. I haven't yelled out his name when calling the dogs in like I thought I would either.

I did make a shutterfly book with all his pictures in them & made it kinda a story book. I wanted to commemorate his memory in a special way but I can't flip through the book without balling my eyes out. I did make a shelf just for him in our room. I put his pine box - with the ID tag they gave us on it, the shutterfly book, his paw print & lock of hair. I ordered a girl willowtree figurine holding a orange puppy & put it on the shelf as well. All in all I feel that these are semi things to do for someone who loses their best friend... right??

I know that someone reading this is thinking "It was just a DOG!" but Grizzly was So much more to me. Plus you add that I'm a very very sentimental person & it all kind makes a little more sense.
Anyway last night I scared my whole entire house to death & I guess I'm sharing this because it stunned me too.

{Grizzly sleeping in my spot on the bed}

As I said above I haven't disturbed his bed(s) at all. They still have blankets, pillows.. toys in them like before. So while getting ready for bed I set my glass of (red flavored) water on the nightstand. I was joking with my husband about something silly. I reached over to grab my Kindle to read a chapter or two before I feel asleep & our charging station hit the glass knocking it over. To the left of the nightstand is Grizzly's nook - that had his bed & toys..etc. The red water went all over his stuffed animlas, all over the blankets, pillow and his doggy bed. I freaked out. I mean.. I started screaming like he just died all over again. I crumbled to the floor grabbing his toys to check to see if they were damaged. My {poor} husband just stood there watching me - all wide eyed. He went and got a towel for me but I used it to cover my face with & scream. It was the last unaltered thing I knew of in the house. It was the last thing I saw him in before died. I didn't realize how much 'weight' it carried until that moment.

The pillow is ruined & the pillow case too - which sent me into another crying fit. Half of his 'babies' were soaked & needed to be washed. I didn't want to wash his smell away or alter these items in any way. I think I set sobbing for a good 20 minutes before realizing that my husband, our great dane & our cats were looking at me in shock. They didn't know what to do. For the most part I have cried to myself.. mostly in my car.. I haven't done the whole messy sobbing ugly cry yet. I mostly just allowed alligator tears to fall down my face.. so I think it was a shock to all of them that I lost it.

As I calmed down I realized that I have so much built up for so long that I needed that cry. While I'm sad that his stuff has to be washed or thrown away - it was a good thing. I think it was the right movement to cause the avalanche & it felt good. I miss my little man more then anything but I think the ugly cry was more then just the disturbance of his stuff.
Grief is a funny thing. It's the off the wall things that hit you & make you sad. My Dad's been gone for over 8 years & I still have these moments about him. Not as often as I used too but every once in a while a memory will strike and I'll feel the need to shed a couple of tears

In closing i wanted to share something that I wrote in Grizzly's shutterfly book:

Thank you all for allowing me to grieve without judgment. This has been very hard for me & it could be magnified by my pregnancy hormones. In any case.. Thank you. 

Sunday, June 28, 2015

my two cents...

All these changes in our society lately has had me shaking my head. Our society is all about the dramatic climax.. it has to be that huge "oh my gosh did you hear.." for it to be news. Lying and blowing stories out of proportion to get that reaction is even ok. It's so insane to me. "Oh my gosh Taylor Swift told off Apple".. no she didn't. She made a statement from her point of view & because she sells billions of records - they listened to what she had to say & modified the way they paid the artist. Drama sells so we allow it be twisted and altered to sound scandalous and dramatic.

Yesterday someone I know acted shocked that the "State went against the church". I looked at him sideways because that happened A LONG TIME AGO. When we took God out of our schools - When we banned the 'Pledge of Allegiance'. When we started talking about taking "In God We Trust" off our money & when we stopped disciplining our Children. Ok the last one has nothing to do with the State & God but it should.

I honestly don't care about your sexual orientation. I don't care if you are bi, lesbian, straight.. as long as you are a good person. Honestly. Why? Because the Bible taught me to love my neighbor & that it's not my job to judge others. I'm not perfect & I know it upsets me when people stick a nose up on the way I live my life. So I refuse to do it to others. I don't need to understand your point of view or they way you 'transition' but I will say this... I believe we are all created perfect. Flawed and perfect so I think it's kind of a jab to God to say " I was born a boy but I'm really a girl". That doesn't mean that I am judging you because for all I know I'll greet the guy upstairs & he'll tell me I was wrong for thinking that way. Do what makes you happy.

I also want to say that 'TO ME':
A solider who sacrifices their life for our freedom is Brave.
A solider who lives with PTSD because he faught in a war is Brave.
An amputee who tries to live life to the fullest is Brave.  
A firefighter who runs into a burning building to save either a person or an animal is Brave.
A policeman who puts his life on the line to make sure our neck of the woods is harmonious is Brave.
A child who fights to survive a life threatening illness is Brave.
A women who fights for her life from Cancer is Brave.
A single Mom raising a child on her own is Brave.

I'm not going to put a rainbow flag on my profile to show you I support your decision because I don't want too. I'm glad that you are able to get married & I'm happy that we can all have a moment where we feel equality. Hold on to this moment because it wont last. We again are a society built on drama and hype. In a couple of weeks it's going to be a huge "racial" debate because we can allow marriages but can't except skin color. The racial card is the oldest one in the book that will always be thrown down on the table because we aren't about solutions. America thrives on being a nation of diversity & opportunity while we tear each other apart for being different. Crazy huh? Kinda like a dog chasing his own tail... it's a vicious circle.

Religion isn't a excuse to disagree with the way someone lives. If you are using religion to judge then you are doing it wrong ~ IMO. I believe religion is to help us love & except one another not an excuse to tear each other apart. So while you choose to hate or love, while you are angry or happy over marriage equality, while you can or can't except the way your neighbor lives his life.. remember that we are all just people. We all have feelings, beliefs and views. I just wish we were putting all of this energy into figuring out how to get along instead of tearing each other apart.

So there is my thought's on all of this. Take it or leave it. Hate it or love it. It's just the way I feel & see it. I just think we all need a lot more love & acceptance instead of all this hate & ignorance.

Thursday, June 25, 2015

37 Weeks.

I can not believe that we just hit our 37 week marker. 
*Mind blown!*

I also can't believe I haven't done a pregnancy update since 31 weeks! Oops!! 

How far along? 37 weeks 
(excuse the clothes pile)
Weight gain/loss? A whopping 8 pounds.. I'm seriously proud of myself but I also can't wait to hit the gym.
Sleep: Without a sleeping aide - I don't really sleep due to my anxiety. I toss & turn. I have the new thing where I get these odd pains through my feet - which my Dr says is normal. I've gotten pretty used to the Tylenol PM my OB gave me so they are going to put me on unisom next until the baby is born.  
Best Moment of the Week: Umm I spend a lot of time in the pool.
Movements: This kid moves all the time! Esp when I lay on my right side. I also can tell the baby has moved down more but is still breach.
Food Cravings/Aversions: I don't have any real food cravings - I'd say Cherries are my fav right now. Aversion is still chicken.
Pregnancy Symptoms: I don't have any real pregnancy symptoms.
What I miss: Alcohol. I do I miss wine. I also keep reading all these new drinks I want to try - but I really miss my wine. I also miss having energy and not feeling like I'm carrying around a bowling ball. Oh! Being able to shave my legs! Man I miss that....
Stretch Marks: Yea know I didn't have any until a week ago. I've got two really ugly lines on my right side under my belly button. I've been using palmer's oil but I think the sun & the baby moving down has really activated these road map lines.
Belly Button: I don't have an outie but the inside of my belly button is completely flush with my skin.
Wedding Rings: Pss I haven't been able to wear my ring set since 27 weeks. I can't to wear them again.
Mood: Considering my dog died a week ago, my husband just went back to shore duty, I'm not sleeping, I don't have any energy & this baby is due any moment - I'm all over the place.
Labor Signs: I am having braxton hicks more often but otherwise I haven't had any real significant labor signs. I'm anxious for my milk ducts to kick in - I hear that means you are close to delivering .
Milestones: Umm hitting 37 weeks. I'm still up and moving around. I'm seriously uncomfortable though but I'm thankful I'm not on bed rest. 
Upcoming Events/Appointments: I have a OB appointment next Monday. My OB thinks I'll have the baby before the 10th of July.. we shall see.
What I look forward too:  I'm looking forward to my brother coming to visit & I'm really excited about the Fourth of July.. simply because it's my favorite holiday. I'm praying this baby comes around the Fourth... NOT ON.. but around. 

That's all the updates I really have as far as the pregnancy goes. Water makes me feel comfortable so I spend a lot of time in our pool. I don't have a lot of energy and my OCD is hating the lack of house chores being done. I've ignored the 'nesting' urges as much as possible because I simply do not have the energy to complete them. 

Feel free to submit any last moment gender guesses!! I think we are having a boy but we'll find out soon! 

Monday, June 22, 2015

low spirits

big combination of things right now that are making me just feel blaa. I'm still grieving over losing Grizzly & everyday I think I'm good - it just find something that makes me fall apart.
I feel like being almost 37 weeks pregnant with this bowling ball doesn't really help. Speaking of that this kid hasn't gone head down yet.. mater of fact right this moment this kid is sideways. It's starting to scare me a little bit. My OB said that at our next visit if the baby hasn't moved we will start talking about moving the baby and alternate delivery options. I can not express enough that I do not want a c-section. Why? because I don't have any family coming out & Ben's family is planning on coming out in August. Now that he is back to sea duty he can't take longer then 10 days & I have heard that with a c-section I'll need more then 10 days to heal.
So yea that's my little freak out over that whole situation.
Speaking of family... my brother is coming out next week to celebrate my favorite holiday. Which I'm super excited about. I know we aren't going to be doing a lot but hopefully we can make a beach day & I can do my normal fourth festivities. I bought some ribs & I'm sure we'll have a beer pong game or two going. I just have a couple more things to make sure we have - like watermelon & bacon. I'm also hoping that all these activities help me go into labor early - with the hope that this baby isn't still breach.
In addition I kinda sorta divorced 'adoptive' family. I got tired of all the judgment and all the criticism. Plus my Mom and I got in a huge fight about six weeks ago ..  I called to talk about our baby shower that was the next day & she made a comment about how my little sister was being selfish over her son. I disagreed with her and she made some really rude comments. I know people think I should just let it go & I keep hearing that it's pregnancy hormones.. but it's not really. If you know me outside of this blog then you know that she's a very hypocritical & mean women who puts all of her kids down one way or another. It's not something I want my kid to be apart of & honestly I had been debating on letting my child meet them.. so I just walked away. We haven't talked to each other at all. To add more salt to my wound after three weeks I deleted that whole side of the family off of my facebook page & nobody has said anything. nothing. No phone calls, no friends request, no text messages - I doubt they even realize I'm not there anymore. See.. it's not really a loss - it's depressing but not really a loss.
So yea I'm in a funk. My dog of 12 years died, my baby is still breach 4 weeks from it's due date, I have a huge 4th coming up in two weeks & my 'family' hasn't even tried to contact me. I'm sure this is just a test..another learning lesson. Alright I gotta stop bitching on here.. I try really hard to keep my blog a happy place. I just feel like a lot of negative stuff is happening at the happiest moment & it just sneaks up. I just needed to vent.

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Write or Die Wednesday: Empty Space

Joining this lovely writing prompt link up "Write or Die Wednesday's" hosted by:
Vashelle from Shelly's Cabaret

Write or Die Wednesdays

Every other week we get a writing prompt to create a story or a memory to share. The prompt that was picked for this bi-weekly link up is:

I have debated on this topic for over a week. Originally I thought about the importance of taking time to date yourself. We always claim to be so busy running around that we never take a moment for just ourselves. I'm guilty of it for sure.. I find that I'll stop and watch TV, sit through a drive thru or scan through facebook. When I say take yourself for a date I mean go for a pedicure with just your ipod, taking yourself to your favorite restaurant and sitting in & eating or going to the beach with just a book for the day. I know that with kids these things aren't always that easy but taking time for yourself is important.

Then over the weekend I lost my favorite dog - Grizzly. Through the past couple of days I feel like I'm just walking through a routine with no feeling at all. Everything is numb and unfamiliar. I'm used to having a little shadow following me around, that little smiling face making me smile as well. I just feel empty and lost. My whole day from start to finish is so foreign & just full of empty space. I feel like I spent so much time wasted on watching TV or searching through pinterest that I could have spent with him. I ended up writing a post about Grizzly Monday afternoon so I decided to go a different route.

Social Media has overtaken our quality time with other people & ourselves. Every sit down at a restaurant and look around?? If two people are at a table then at least one of them is on their phone. While getting a pedicure people are on pinterest, instagram &/or facebook. We have allowed social media & the instant connection to take over our lives. A couple of weeks ago I went to IHOP with my hubby & at one point we were both on our phones instead of spending time with each other.  I have also become aware that it's hard to stay off of instagram or facebook for more then a hour at a time. I feel like we are so interested in 180 peoples thoughts that we aren't getting to know the people who we claim are so important.

We don't spend enough one on one time with ourselves anymore, we are missing our on the important moments by being sucked into social media & for me walking through unfamiliar days since my little dog passed away. Overall I feel as our years go by we become less attached to human connections and rely mostly on electronic connections. Our electronic connections lead us to more empty space then what we had ten - twenty years ago. Hopefully as we look for ways to simplify our lives we consider spending more one on one time with our loved ones & with ourselves.

Monday, June 15, 2015

saying goodbye

Over the weekend I lost my furry baby boy. It's all a whirlwind of tears and shock.
I wrote about how he was diagnosed with liver failure & that I was at the appoinment to see what stage he had. What I didn't update was that he didn't have liver failure.. he had hepatitis - which means he had a liver infection. I spent the next two days getting his medicine's & setting a chart for times he needed his meds. Within hours of receiving the amoxocilin he was back to his old self. 

Friday was a busy day for the hubby & I. His last weekly day of leave & we decided to make a full day of it. We took both the dogs to the vet - Gideon needed some shots and a follow up on his hurt paw. (Which they ended up finding a foxtail buried in his paw!! They had to extract the foxtail and give him antibiotics.) Grizzly, joyfully, went along for the ride. 

We dropped off the pups at the house and headed to the commissary to pick up a couple of items. I bought the book shelf I wanted for the babies room & we came home to put it all together. Grizzly set near me watching me put the shelf together and even followed me around as I put items on the shelf. I took pictures of the 'almost' finished nursery & my hubby thought it would be cute to put Grizzly in the baby bed. Grizzly grinned from ear to ear sitting in the baby bed & looking back I wish I had gotten a picture of it. As the night progressed my back started to hurt so I took a bath and then went to lay in bed with a heating pad. Grizzly was next to me the whole time. We took our night time medicine.. my hubby brought him a 'biscuit' before bed and that was a normal bed routine for us.

I have a cough and sore throat.. so I took some medicine to help me sleep. Grizzly was also up most of the night coughing. At 2am I got up to check on him because his coughing had gotten louder and more persistent. I gave him his cough medicine, rubbed his throat and feet and we went back to bed. At 3:30 I woke up to Gideon nugging me between the shoulder blades & found Grizzly in the bathtub barely breathing. I woke up my husband and I drove to the animal ER. We had called ahead of time and they were waiting for us.. they took him from my husbands arms & took him to the back. 
Had I had known that was the last time I would have seen him or heald him. there are so many things I would have done differently. I would have told him that I loved him one more time, I would have held his little furry body close to mine one last time.  I feel so guilty for just handing him off & starting to fill out paperwork.. I never looked back... not once. He was such a fighter that I didn't even consider the possibility that we had reached the end.
Apx ten minutes later they called us to a room to inform us that Grizzly's trachea had collapsed and there was little they could do. They had given him a sedative to help him breath and put in him a oxygen tank but he was still really struggling. They needed him to calm down but he was really worked up & they explained that he wouldn't get better. They could have done x-rays and taken blood but it wouldn't help him breath. He would need oxygen to survive but they didn't know if they took him out of the 'tank' ( a day or two latter) if he would survive. The hubby went back to see him & said that he was so out of that he didn't even recognize him standing there. 

With all the information and with hearing how he was grasping for breaths & that they could now hear fluid in his lungs - I did the hardest thing I've ever done. I signed a paper ending my babies life. I couldn't let him suffer and I knew he was hurting. they couldn't tell me that he would survive and I couldn't be selfish and make him live a couple more hours because I wasn't ready to let go. I couldn't see him because my heart was breaking & I didn't want my last image of him in that cage with tubes and him being so out of it. I wanted to remember my little guy as I had just hours before.. curled up next to me enjoying his biscuit - giving sweet kisses and cuddles. 

Grizzly was born Jan 16th, 2003. He was spoiled from the beginning. I treated him like a 'real' child. I often told people that Grizzly was my child but Gideon was my dog. I talked to Grizzly all the time - made up songs with his name in them. I sit here today lost. I don't have my shadow anymore. I told my husband last night that it's as if all the 'joy' in our house is gone. We are just going through the motions.. no laughing, no talking, nobody getting excited. Grizzly brought so much joy to so many people's lives. We had a list of people to call & let them know that Grizzly had passed .. he touched so many lives. I'm so proud that he was my baby & that I was blessed that he was in my life. This empty void that has taken over my heart will be filled again with time.. but man does it hurt now. For 13 years he has been by my side.. and it's so foreign to not wake up to his smile. To not hear his bark, to not see that sweet little furry face and knowing I can't call him to cuddle or nap with me. 

So I share with you all that I lost my bestfriend - my companion - my protector. I lost a lot of joy and happiness and I'm so thankful that he was in my life. That he taught me how to love and how to smile. How to be silly, he taught me when to fight and when to let go. 

Grizzly will always be loved & remembered as long as I live. 
So to my dear baby.. I love you so much Grizzly bears.
My life was a thousand times better because of you. 
01.16.2003 - 06.13.2015

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

to share or not to share

It's getting closer to our due date & with that it has caused a ton of thinking. I noticed last week that their are no security measures to keep people from 'sharing' your pictures or albums. At first I thought it was just on facebook and was ready to shut it all down.. but then I noticed that Instagram has the same thing. So my first thought was I'll just put a watermark or a copyright message on each picture. Really that is really time consuming & running everything through photoshop before posting is kind of a pain.

The next option I have is to not post any pictures of my kids on any social media network.

The fact is you can't keep people from sharing your photo's. You cant' keep people from sharing an album without making it private.. in which case why put in on facebook? I could care less if people want my beach pictures or my Starbucks pictures.. but I don't feel comfortable with people have the availability to 'share' my kids pictures.  You can't keep people from saving a picture to their phones. My husbands tells me all the time that whatever you put on any social media network is free game.

This all started because someone shared a picture of an ultrasound picture. So I asked her "why?" she said it was a mistake. So the next time she shared a ultrasound pictures I asked again - and I got the same response. So the third time this happened I deleted her off my pages because I felt violated. Why was someone I didn't really know sharing pictures of my unborn child on their page??
Then my SIL started sharing nursery pictures.. ok not that big of a deal. Then she just shared the whole entire Baby album ... the whole album people. This album has picture of the baby, nursery and my growing belly.. again I felt violated. I have mad respect for my SIL and while she is stuck in Texas while all of this happens in CA - I know she wasn't intentionally being intrusive. Sadly, according to Facebook, there is nothing they can do. You can set albums and pictures to be viewed by friends on your page, certain groups of people or not at all by selecting private.. that's it.

I haven't decided on a solution yet but the likely hood of me sharing newborn pictures via social media are pretty slim. At this point I'm not even sure I want to share the new that our child is born until after we have arrived home. I know that many people have submitted complaints about other's being able to 'share' another album or picture without the owners approval & hopefully this is corrected. Until then I think I'll be keeping all personal pictures off of facebook & possibly instagram.

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Grizzly & the baby

I don't know what to title this post as. I have nothing and everything going on right this moment. We are ending the hubby's leave & our old roomie is flying out next week. One buddy left for a deployment and one just got back. Right now I am sitting in a waiting room waiting on Grizzly to get down with his ultrasound.
For the past couple of weeks Grizzly has been walking around with his tail down. I didn't think much of it because of Stagecoach & with the baby coming.. then Gideon got bite by a Spider. We took Gideon in and that's what started the whole Grizzly talk. We took Grizzly in that afternoon for some blood work. Friday we found out that Grizzly's liver levels were high and they wanted us to get an ultrasound done to see at what stage of liver failure he has. We have been on pins & needles waiting to hear what is going to happen next. Needless to say it's been very emotional around my house - well for me. Since the blood work his appetite has suppressed and he hasn't been as mobile as usual. If we get the results that this is a first level then we will move forward with a new diet, and various other things (that we haven't talked about). Past that we will have to make a decision for his well being - I mean the poor little guy already has a collapsed lung and a enlarged heart. Putting him through more medicine for liver failure seems pretty severe.  This seems a lot colder written out then the emotional way you'd hear me say all of this. I cry and cry... I just can't imagine losing this little guy.

Moving on to baby talk. I have yet to prepare my hospital bag but that is my next order of business.The baby is starting to move down & my hips are starting to really hurt. Yesterday I was so hot that I had three fans on me and still felt like I sweating like crazy! The baby moves around a lot - I mean a lot - and it's starting to hurt. We broke out the medicine ball the other night to see if that helps with the hip pain.. and it did a little. I feel like for the next of weeks I'm going to live in our little pool in the back yard. I want to get my car detail cleaned before putting the carseat in.. but we are as good as ready for this baby to make it's arrival anytime!!

That's where I stand at the moment. To me it seems like a lot.. hopefully everything goes great with Grizzly & this baby comes sooner then later.

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Write or Die Wednesday! : On Top of the World!!!!

This Wednesday I am excitedly joining the "Write or Die Wednesday"  bi-weekly link-up hosted by:

Vashelle from Shelly's Cabaret 

Write or Die Wednesdays

This has 'by far' become my favorite link up that I've ever participated in!
This weeks writing prompt is:

I have a "On Top of the World" moment to share with you.. but first let me say that I think my true moment will be when I deliver my first child in apx 6 weeks. I also have several moments in my life that could be considered to be 'On Top of the World'. The day I graduated high school, the day I moved to Oklahoma at 20, the day I moved to California at 27, the day I married my husband, the day we bought our first home and the day we found out we were pregnant after trying for three years. I mean I could use a lot of different events for the this "On Top of the World" post. Today I'm going to share my moment.. the moment where I was completely over the moon. 

On Top of the World:

Last year my husband bought me box seat tickets to see my favorite country artist "Dierks Bentley"! 
I took my friend and we had a fabulous time!  We had full access to the VIP lounge - which provided a wonderful lunch for us before the concert. We had our own waitress to get us beers and food.. 

During the concert Dierks moved into the crowd. Actually he moved in the isle to our left. I mean he was so freakin' close. While standing with the crowd to get a picture with him.. this guy moved me closer. I was five .. 5.. people away from him. I was filming a video with my iphone during all of this and then it happenend. He went to go back to the main stage and as he passed me he touched my hand. I started freaking out! I was screaming, jumping up and down.. I touched Dierks Bentley's hand AND I caught it all on video!! Check it out!! 

Did you hear that scream at the very end?? 
Yea that was me. 
So after I touched Dierks hand and I scream.. I turned to the guys in this box and kissed them both (on the cheek) for moving me closer! I mean seriously... I was really close. 

This was my "On Top of the World" moment. 

I can't wait to read everyone else's moment. 

Monday, June 1, 2015

I'm almost done growing a human.

A couple of weeks ago I had my blood drawn for the pregnancy diabetes thing.
I didn't pass the hour test so I had to take the three hour fasting one.
I took the three hour fasting test the day after we got back from Stagecoach & according to my OB failed that by one point. They gave me a monitor to check my blood four times a day. I also attended a class on how to eat; which was awesome. It's not what you would expect a 'diabetes' class to be but the plan is something that we could & might follow after the baby is born.
We are about to enter into our 34th week Wensday & my ob told me that she won't stop my labor after 34 weeks! That made me super anxious and nervous all at the same time. I can completely feel the braxton hicks when they happen .. so this is getting exciting. Per our lamas class I downloaded a contraction app.. and so far it's the last thing I think of when I have one. Good thing they are still braxon hicks status because the baby needs to cook for at least three more weeks.
 I would say that we are ready. We have everything that we need. I have a couple more things to get before I have the baby for myself... but otherwise we are golden. I do still want to get a humidifier for the babies room & a hospital outfit ... but really all the 'needs' are taken care of. I have already packed the babies diaper bag {btw picking out first outfits are hard!} I'll start putting the hospital bags together for the husband & I within the next week. Right now while the hubby is on leave we are focusing on reorganizing and cleaning. After he goes back to work our old roomie M is flying in for two weeks & then the Baby P count down really starts!
I honestly hate that people keep asking if we 'are anxious' or if we 'are ready'. I get that things will change. I understand that our lives will be forever altered. I get that sleeping in is going to be a thing of the past. At the end of the day.. after everything we have been through to get to this point.. I hate those two questions.

The countdown to my favorite holiday is about to start.. so until then we have our last lamas class on Tuesday.. a 4D ultrasound on Wednesday {so come back on Thursday!} and then the count down for Baby P's arrival really begins!!!!