Monday, June 22, 2015

low spirits

big combination of things right now that are making me just feel blaa. I'm still grieving over losing Grizzly & everyday I think I'm good - it just find something that makes me fall apart.
I feel like being almost 37 weeks pregnant with this bowling ball doesn't really help. Speaking of that this kid hasn't gone head down yet.. mater of fact right this moment this kid is sideways. It's starting to scare me a little bit. My OB said that at our next visit if the baby hasn't moved we will start talking about moving the baby and alternate delivery options. I can not express enough that I do not want a c-section. Why? because I don't have any family coming out & Ben's family is planning on coming out in August. Now that he is back to sea duty he can't take longer then 10 days & I have heard that with a c-section I'll need more then 10 days to heal.
So yea that's my little freak out over that whole situation.
Speaking of family... my brother is coming out next week to celebrate my favorite holiday. Which I'm super excited about. I know we aren't going to be doing a lot but hopefully we can make a beach day & I can do my normal fourth festivities. I bought some ribs & I'm sure we'll have a beer pong game or two going. I just have a couple more things to make sure we have - like watermelon & bacon. I'm also hoping that all these activities help me go into labor early - with the hope that this baby isn't still breach.
In addition I kinda sorta divorced 'adoptive' family. I got tired of all the judgment and all the criticism. Plus my Mom and I got in a huge fight about six weeks ago ..  I called to talk about our baby shower that was the next day & she made a comment about how my little sister was being selfish over her son. I disagreed with her and she made some really rude comments. I know people think I should just let it go & I keep hearing that it's pregnancy hormones.. but it's not really. If you know me outside of this blog then you know that she's a very hypocritical & mean women who puts all of her kids down one way or another. It's not something I want my kid to be apart of & honestly I had been debating on letting my child meet them.. so I just walked away. We haven't talked to each other at all. To add more salt to my wound after three weeks I deleted that whole side of the family off of my facebook page & nobody has said anything. nothing. No phone calls, no friends request, no text messages - I doubt they even realize I'm not there anymore. See.. it's not really a loss - it's depressing but not really a loss.
So yea I'm in a funk. My dog of 12 years died, my baby is still breach 4 weeks from it's due date, I have a huge 4th coming up in two weeks & my 'family' hasn't even tried to contact me. I'm sure this is just a test..another learning lesson. Alright I gotta stop bitching on here.. I try really hard to keep my blog a happy place. I just feel like a lot of negative stuff is happening at the happiest moment & it just sneaks up. I just needed to vent.


  1. You know how I feel about your mom. She kid of sucks as a person. And that's coming from the nicest place in the nicest way I can think of. Better days are coming. And God works out all things for the good of those who love Him. So keep your eyes on Him. Hugs from Louisiana!!!

    1. Hey! Like I said those who know me outside of this blog know the issues that have transpired over the years with that women. I just can't handle it anymore. The hubby & I have talked about never allowing that part of the 'family' to see our kid because of the way the treat us. As much as we went through to get pregnant my Mom would call every week to tell me how dangerous having a 'fetal alcohol' baby is. She thinks I'm so alcoholic that can't control myself around 'wine'.. seriously?!
      Anyway I could write a whole book on how many things this women has put all of the kids she's been around through. I had to really sit and pray about the decision I was making. It's been 7 weeks and she hasn't attempted to contact me. She has made my little sister text me and try to guilt me into calling - but she has made no effort. Pretty sad.
      I really appreciate someone else saying they understand instead of blaming this on pregnancy hormones. I know I'm doing the right thing & my kids life will be rewarded without her bringing me down as a parent & person.
      Hugs back to you from California!!!