Thursday, August 20, 2015

Negative.

Parenting is hard. Parenting is daunting just from your own prospectives. I can't tell you how many times a day I ask myself if I am being a good parent. Wonder if I could have done something better to soothe his cry. If I should skip the morning nap and take him for a stroll around the neighborhood - even though he is sleeping. I can't tell you how many times I've googled "how to play with a 6 week old" or "how to build cognitive skills for a six week old". It's so hard to be a parent and not judge ourselves on the job we are doing.
Then you add other opinions & comments. Some can be uplifting and supportive. Some you can call for a question and get solid advice. You post a simple question on a facebook group and cringe as you read the comments that start to pour in. Wonder how people are taking the comment that you posted because their comments aren't even close to what you said. EX. I joined a 'breastfeeding' support group via facebook. It came recommended by a good friend of mine and so I didn't hesitate to ask a question in regards of how to boost my milk supply. Instead of getting helpful information, I got attacked by other Mom's telling me what a horrible parent I am. My son doesn't latch which means that I'm not breastfeeding him. I'm pumping up to 10x a day so that my son can have breast milk instead of formula - but somehow that makes me a bad Mom. I refuse to force my son to take 'my' nipple verses a bottle's - that makes me a bad Mom. They went so far to even say that the amount that I was feeding my son was wrong - even though it was approved by our pediatrician.
My overall point isn't to point out how I feel about my parenting or to point out that some people were mean to me. The point I am trying to make is that - Parenting - life in general - is hard so why do we put people down instead of building them up? I think in a way we can all be bullies & through social media it's ok because we are sharing our points of views. People don't talk to each other anymore so we have lost the art of listening to the way people say something. We are so over opinionated that we lose the fact that they have ideas & views also. Just because you don't agree with me doesn't make me wrong - but it also doesn't make you wrong either.
It has come to a point that I keep my views & opinions to myself to keep from 'offending' other people. It's not 'why are we afraid of offending someone' it's when did we become a generation of fear? When did we become scared to share our thoughts in fear of being kicked down and tossed aside? When did conversations become a one sided version .. If I don't agree with you on a topic we are going to argue. That's how our generations & generations below us have become. We can't take 'advice' from someone older because they are judging us & after all 'what do they know?' We are so determined to have an opinion and make everyone around us see only our view that we don't listen to others. Then when we don't agree we bash them on social media again looking for others to agree with us. When they don't do that we attack them. Fact. Take five people & share your point of view on any topic.. those five people may see your point but they aren't going to 100% agree with your point. They will inject their beliefs & their views into that same topic. Creating a spiderweb of views and points to the same topic while still agreeing to your underlining topic. Make sense?
Religion. Everybody has their own beliefs and views on religion. We all could read the same scripture or passage and we all would take & interpret different things from the same scripture or passage.  Does that make us all wrong? Or does that make us all individuals?
I look at what our society is becoming. I fear that my son wont be able to have his own thoughts and beliefs. I fear that his individual beliefs will put him in danger one day. I fear that one day he wont be able to stand up & share his side of a story because he'll be bullied later. Bullied by whispers, by social media, by other people who will pick out all his indifference's in hopes that it lessens his credibility.
You can't say that it wont happen because in my opinion it already is happening. I don't have the answers. I don't have the magic solution to make it stop or how to reverse what it already in play. I think by bringing the situation to light may help others be more aware of how they respond to others. So I challenge you to stop and really take the time to read other comments on a page or picture. Take a moment to see how our society already responds to one another. Look at the way you respond to others when you have a difference in opinion. It's all I ask. Maybe the awareness will shed some light into the negative responses & we will start lifting each other up more. Maybe one day my son will be able to ask a question to a support group & get positive responses. Maybe one day he'll be able to talk about real issues that don't involve the Kardashians or the newest reality TV show with out being put down. Maybe one day he can ask for help & not be told that he is a loser for not knowing the answer.
I just think it's sad that we can't ask for help from people without being bullied - even as an adult.



3 comments:

  1. Aww. I'm so sorry you had people criticize your mommy skills. That's so hard, especially with your first baby. I believe that you are doing a great job, no matter what parenting approach you use, as long as your are putting your child's needs first. You can tell you love your son! Is he really going to care at 10 years old whether you breast fed or bottle fed? From experience, I can tell you no. He is going to care whether you were there, whether you listened, and if you were involved. Ignore the haters and keep on loving him. And if you have questions, come ask me (or your pediatrician.) I promise not to be a "mom" bully.
    With much love,
    Mandy

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    Replies
    1. It's not so much that I was criticized for something, its the fact that people are bullies. Jamie King (from Hart of Dixie) recently tweeted that we there are so many Mommy bullies & that we need to support one another. It's true. I don't think he'll care one way or another - that part is true. It's just sad to see that we have become a society that puts people down before we build each other up.
      I trust your opinions that's why I do ask you questions - It just bothers me that so many people don't encourage each other. We all struggle with "am I doing this right" type questions & I feel that it takes a lot of courage to reach out. I just hate that I see so many women who are picked apart over their thoughts & beliefs. We are all individuals trying to reach the same goal.. It just breaks my heart to see so many haters.

      <3,
      Amy

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  2. Yes, it was really nice and great job.

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