Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Count down to Christmas!!

Late night blogging usually isn't the greatest of ideas & considering I have a lot on my shoulders right now.

I can't believe how fast the Christmas season has come upon us. Before I know it we will be taking down the Christmas tree, the lights, and all the decorations - I feel like I just finished putting up. I love this time of year. I love the ambiance of the lights on a house at night. I love the child like feeling I get sitting on the couch with the glow of the Christmas tree lighting up the room. I love every twinkle and every warm glow. I miss seasons. I miss sitting by a open fire & I miss the cold weather. I miss waking up to a snow covered yard and sitting in a chair by the window watching it snow. One day, maybe, we'll end up back in a snow covered Christmas wonderland.

All of our Christmas was purchased months ago. I bought four NFL jersey's the first week of Dec that hasn't arrived yet. Considering it was my husbands biggest *and only gift* really pisses me off. They only have a e-mail attached to the site & I've been blowing it up everyday. They charged the CC used for the purchase.. the day I placed the order... so now I'm starting to get REALLY nervous that my husband isn't going to have a gift to open Christmas Day. Hopefully it arrives tomorrow or I'll be canceling the order & calling the CC order to stop payment. I think it's crazy that they have had 15 days (counting Sunday's) to get this order to us.

Little Man's Christmas has been done for a while & we are so blessed to have such a great group of friends that have showered him with even more amazing things. Since he also doesn't understand "Santa" already came and brought his gifts. Santa put together his two big items and already put them under our tree. I know it's kinda cheating but he'll never know and I like that it's already done. Next year I won't be able to get away with it so I'm going to just relish in the fact that I can go to bed early .. I mean stay up and watch HallMark movies all night.. Christmas Eve.

Anyway. I hope all of you have a very Merry Christmas! I hope you all create and capture the most beautiful moments of the holiday. Stay safe & warm.

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

Searching for balance.

I used to gasp at the Mom's who talked about needing a break from their kids. I couldn't understand what could be so exhausting when taking care of a newborn/toddler. I couldn't think past the desire to have a child of my own. To fully grasp the commitment, sacrafices and the dedication it takes to keep a little human alive past utero. Now I all but throw little man at my husband as he walks through the door. I feel like a bad parent 80% of the time. Always thinking of how I could manage my time better, how I should spend more floor time with him, create a routine that is great for the both of us. Constantly questioning and reading; which takes up the free time I could have spent with him researching and getting lost on pinterest. Like right now for example. He is soundly sleeping in his little rock n sleep lamb.. snoring away.. and I should be cleaning the bathroom. I should be starting a load of dishes or laundry. I should be running at the chance to vacuum the neglected carpets. I should be putting up the clothes that are invading my reading recliner.
Truth is.. I just want to finish a hot cup of coffee. I just want a moment to feel free and untangle this feeling of responsibility. I want an hour where I'm not thinking about schedules, laundry, dishes, meals, and cleaning. I'd love to clock out at noon and take a leisurely nap followed by a warm bubble bath that is furnished with a glass of wine.  I wanted to share my thoughts because I know I'm not the only one who feels this way & I need to know that. I feel alone & isolated majority of the time. My whole world revolves around the two men in my life.. in my house.
Don't get me wrong .. I love my husband but that doesn't mean that I don't want to karate kick him to the gutt every now and then. My amazing husband works a full time job & goes to college at night. The nights he doesn't have class he devotes to homework & I feel jealous. Jealous that he can tune out this adorable little person and read a chapter out of his history book. Jealous that he can escape the routine that I struggle so hard to find. With jealousy usually comes anger & I project a lot of unintentional anger on his ability to escape the routine of parenthood. I mean how dare he try to provide for us & educate himself! The nerve.
I LOVE being a Mom. It's as rewarding and fulfilling as I always dreamed it would be. I love watching little man grow. I love watching him learn new things & watching him develop into the person he is going to be.
I just feel neglected - which makes me feel selfish- which in turn makes me question my parenting. I thought parenting would instantly create us to be selfless women. Stupid, I know.  I struggle with finding a balance between being a parent and a housewife. I feel, slightly, betrayed by all these TV shows & movies that make this look all so easy. It's not. It's rewarding. It's beyond rewarding. It's just not easy.
There are days that I just want to wake up and say "yea, sorry babe I'm not going to be a parent today. I'm going to finally finish that blanket for my bestie that I've been working on for a year. I'm going to finish Christmas shopping & wrap it all up. I'm going to send out our Christmas cards & then I'm going to go lay out in the back yard with a beer in my hand for remainder of the day." Ok maybe not those exact things.. but there are times I just want half a day.. a couple of hours to feel like Amy not just Mom. Like I said - I am struggling with balance.
That's all. I just need to find my Mommy balance and my personal balance. Well this amazing little man just awoke from his nap.. so I'm off.
But before I go.. I ask: How did you find your balance? How did you create a routine that worked for you?

Thursday, December 3, 2015

Another birthday

It's been 13 days since my birthday passed and I'm just now getting around to writing a reflection post that was intended to be up on my birthday. We have been so busy around here that the blog has taken a back seat. My brother generously flew my husband, little man & I out to see him in Washington State. He showered little man with clothes and toys, my husband & I with tickets to the Seahawaks vs 49ers game and fed us an amazing Thanksgiving meal that I 'thankfully' didn't have to cook. We toured the city and took a ton of pictures tourist style. We had a blast and this years birthday will be one to remember for several different reasons.
I'm was also blessed by the six people who showered me with gifts ranging from Starbucks gift cards & swag to Peyton Manning t-shirts because I adore him. My husband went above and beyond by giving me a beautiful "Ruby" necklace {little mans birth stone} and a beautiful Micheal Kors handbag - completely unexpected. I didn't expect to receive anything but I'm so blessed and Thankful for what I did receive.
Every year I come up with resolutions - like New Years - to implicate for the following year. Sometimes it's something silly & simple like 'lose 20 pounds' and I'm excited that at least one of the items finally got checked off the list.. being a Mom. It's the greatest accomplishment and gift - one I didn't think I'd have the honor of receiving. So while my lists of years past seem silly & childlike - they are still apart of the person that I strive to be.
This years list is more of a shaping into the women I want to represent in little man's life. While that sentence could be created into a whole blog post on it's own  - I want to explain that it's important that I conduct myself into a person I want my son to look up too. Most boys look for women who are like their Mom's to date & marry - that's pretty big. So what value's am I showing him that he would want in his future wife? What are the adjectives that I would like him to use to describe me when he gets older?
1. I want to stop complaining. It's so easy to see the negative and be disappointed. People say it takes more energy to be happy other then complaining. I've also found that it has become super easy to complain about things & people. So that is one of my first resolutions.
2. To be healthy. Not to be confused with just losing weight. I want to be healthy. I want to install a good eating habit & workout routine. After all our traveling is done we are going to resign our YMCA membership; which is great for all of us! I can't wait to get little man into swimming lessons and get out of the house for some fun time. We are going back on the Paleo Plus I think it will help us all to get into a healthier lifestyle.
3.  To be a little more frugal. I want to curb my spending and live off of what we need too. It's important to show little man the important things in life aren't materalistic and I need to live that before I can teach that. It's easy to get into Amazon and spend money without hesitation. Anyway I just need to buckle down on spending.
4. I'd like to have another baby! So hopefully we can create a little sister or brother for little man. Hey, I'm no spring chicken. it took so long for this one that we don't feel we should really wait for #2 but we shall see what 2016 bring us .. yea?

Ok well I have babbled long enough. I thought I'd share my reflections or resolutions for the next year. Don't worry I'm sure you see this as a repeat post in a couple of weeks for the real 'resolution' buzz.

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Write or Die Wednesday: Pets

Write or Die Wednesdays

I am joining these two awesome ladies for another bi-weekly writing prompt link up. 
So who are these two awesome ladies? Well we have Mia from The Chronicles of Chaos & Vashelle from Shelly's Cabaret.
If you haven't joined the fun & linked up for this bi-weekly writing prompt.. then you need too! This week's prompt is:

I would own a pet store, in my house, if I could. Once upon a time I wanted hundreds of acres for a animal rescue.. mostly for dogs. It breaks my heart to see all these animals that are in shelters or that are hurt by people. If I had to pick between animals or people.. I'd pick animals. There is something so 'helpless' about an animal & the unconditional love of a cat/dog is irreplaceable.

Before I start talking about all the the furbabies that I have... I want to say that if the newest Dr. Suess book fits this prompt perfectly! If you haven't gotten a chance to read this book or own it.. I highly recommend it! Super cute read. Considering we did little man's nursery in Dr. Suess we had to add it to the collection when it was released.

I believe that for some couples animals are starter kids. Couples get a cute puppy or kitten together before they have kids. I think it's a great thing couples do.. as long as the animals are taken care & not forgotten when the tiny humans come along.

As most of you know the love of my life Grizzly passed away in June of this year. He spent 13 spoiled years on this earth. As fate would have it..exactly a month before little man was born ~ plus: I kept in touch with the breeder that I got Grizzly from in 2003. After Grizzly's death I contacted her, per my husbands request, and Grizzly's youngest sister was having her last litter. On Thanksgiving his sister had her puppies... she had two boys. We found out that both boys were ours & then the next day on of the puppies passed away. We are getting the remaining puppy in late Jan & we have named him Theodore "Teddy". {Theodore was not only a President but Dr. Suess real name}. So long story short.. I'm getting Grizzly's nephew.. how awesome is that?! Plus I can't think of a greater joy then for little man to have a part of Grizzly grow up with him.

In 2011 I got the chance to go to Houston, Texas. While in Texas I visited my husbands family and his neighbor had Great Dane puppies. Prior to my husband leaving on his deployment he joked that he wanted a black n white dog dyed blue, so when I found this merle Great Dane puppy - I just knew I had to have him! Long story short the owner found out that my now husband & I were dating and gifted this beautiful puppy to us. He has been a perfect match in our lives. He is cuddly, he is sweet and is still a big ole puppy. He loves to play fetch, bark at the mailman and hasn't yet come to terms with the new small human.

 Spice. She is probably my favorite of our two cats. I love her free spirit & I love that she chooses when she shows you loves. In 2012 our old roomie went to the corner gas station. The clerk had watched someone throw a box out the window in their parking lot & he took a break to retrieve it. Instead of picking up the box .. he kicked it across the parking lot to the dumpster. As he picked it up he heard a small weak cry. Low & behold our sweet Spice was inside.
She is happy to come & go in/out as she pleases. She is my ferrel kitty. She really doesn't like people (with reason) and stays away when people visit. She catches us mice and leaves them for 'presents'. Spice loves to drink water out of the faucets in the kitchen & bathrooms. She has also been known to turn the bathroom sink on and of course leave it on... sneaky girl. At night she curls up at my feet and purrs really loud. Spice also likes to sit and lay in all the baby stuff.. including crib (when the babies not in it of course).  Like I said I love that she chooses when she shows you loves.

This little beauty is Sprinkles. We adopted her from a family who moved and couldn't take her three years ago on Halloween. Thankfully she was a kitten and adjusted quickly. She is my lover. She loves to talk, cuddle, be held and talked too. This cat has a strange obsession with her food bowl and thinks it has to be filled to the brim or it's empty. I have to say that having such a vocal cat drives me insane! but I love her. The best part is that she loves my husband. Out of all the animals in our home I know without question that she will be curled up in lap or arms. Sprinkles even sleeps between us at night .. she has a very strong attachment with my husband.

Well, these are my babies. These are my world. Again, I wish I could adopt all the kittens/cats.. puppies/dogs in shelters and give them love. I wish that I could break every bone in a abusers body when an animal is hurt. I also plan on adding a couple of gold fish to our clan in Jan. I think animals are the most selfless and loving creatures on this planet. If we could be half the people that our animals are this world would be an amazing place. Given the chance.. please adopt a baby out of a shelter. Give a stray some food & water / a warm place to sleep in the winter months. it isn't there fault they are on this earth and they are a soul. They feel, they love. And please stop abuse when you see it happening. A year in a shelter is better then a moment being abused.

I hope you all link up with Mia & Vashelle and join the fun!! Until the next link up..
have a Merry Christmas!