Sunday, February 28, 2016


I just found out that another friend is moving away. I mean military life is hard - our husbands leave us 9 months out of a year & then the friends that we make move away too. I get super tired of making friends for them just to leave.. this year alone - this is #3. I swear I need to post an add on facebook, craigslist & the local paper just to find people to hang out with.
It's hard making friends the older that we get - why is that? Is it because we become rooted into what we believe in frienships? Or is it because the friends before us left such a mark that we can't make new ones? When I was in high school I had two of the best girl friends a person could ask for & too this day I still know both of them. {We aren't close but facebook kept us in touch or I wouldn't know anything about them.}
Then you turn 30 and it becomes harder & harder to find someone to share your life with. Maybe it's just me? Maybe I put to much stress on the situations? Maybe asking for someone who likes to come over at random times, or just pick up the phone and call is too much? To hard to go the gym, the zoo, or try out new kid places. I guess grocery shopping, shopping, or just handing out in the park is too hard too. If you can't be friends without someone exclusively through facebook or instagram then it's not worth anyone's time anymore. I mean I am full of drama & I do like to complain a lot - so I guess I should offer an award to anyone willing to tackle the title.  
This last friend fit so perfectly. We could vent - I mean really vent - about things and I didn't feel like I had to apologize or use disclaimers about what I really meant. I complain about my husband but who doesn't? I struggle with being a parent & questions how I'm doing & she got that. We vented and struggled together. I got out of my comfort zone, tried new things, stayed up late talking on the phone, shared text messages throughout the day & if it wasn't for her cat allergy - I"m sure she'd have been over here all the time. To top it off we understood each other. We had the same views on so many things & that is rare. So you add it all up and I'm losing a lot. 
Sorry - that was a little far.. but I'm so tired of finding someone that I get along with & then them moving away. I have 8 .. eight.. more years of this lifestyle & this is honestly the 2nd hardest part. I'm just so bummed .. heartbroken. What can I say other then - the older you get the harder it is to make friends. I've made a lot of friends in the past couple of years.. but this one is going to hurt the most to watch go away.
So this lonely Mom is just going to hang back and do my thing. Hopefully someone will come along and be there with me until... just until.
To those lucky people who has that friend who is always just there.. you know that person you thought of as you read this... just make sure you tell them how awesome they are. One day you could wake up and it could all change.  

Thursday, February 25, 2016

baby talk

Since my husband is leaving for deployment he has started talking about having another baby. I've dodged this conversation since November. It's not that I don't want another baby but I wasn't sure about how I felt about having one so quickly. Then I look over at my growing son & think "why not"?

If you followed my past then you know that I struggled with infertility for many years & ended up doing invitro to have my son in 2014. We have a frozen embryo left & before we use that we wanted to see if we could have a baby own our own. Our RE said that sometimes after having a baby your body straightens itself out & you could be able to conceive naturally. So after a couple of conversations we decided to that we'd go in to the Dr's and do a saline sonogram. The saline sonogram will be done in the office, with an ultrasound and they shoot saline into my uterus to see what's going on. So on March 7th I'll reopen this chapter of my life to see what our future will hold.

I'm nervous. We want another kid but I don't want to go through all this infertility stuff. I also didn't want to use our only embryo so quickly. After talking it over.. the worse case senerio is that we use this embryo - it works - and in a couple of years we go back and redo the whole invitro process to have more kids. I can honestly say that I never thought we'd be talking about fertility treatments again. My biggest fear is that our single embryo doesn't survive the defrost process and we don't have any options other then to start over sooner.

I'm jumping the gun here. The saline sonogram could tell us that we have no issues & that we are just need time. We have five months to get pregnant on our own & I think that is very doable. I think I'm seriously nervous about the alternative answer. I have been really praying we will be able to just conceive naturally. I know that what ever the Dr tells us that we can handle together. Little man has been the greatest accomplishment of my life - so I could only imagine adding a sibling to the mix would just as amazing.

Did anybody else conceive naturally after conceiving with fertility treatments?? Curious.

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Back in Cali

Last time I wrote we were heading on a vacation to Arizona & Texas - it's hard to believe we have been back for 4 days. Time passes by so quickly.

Our first stop was at our friends parents house in Tuscon, Arizona! Love those people like they were my own parents & I love that they consider us the same. We always have a blast in Tuscon & this time was no exception. We visited the 'Arizona-Sonora desert museum' - which was amazing! We set back and watched the Superbowl before taking a 15 hour drive to Texas. Our first stop was in Victoria, Texas to visit with my husbands family for the first four days. My goal was to get as many pictures as possible with every family member & little man. We didn't get a picture of each person - but we got pretty close. Then we ventured off to Houston, Texas for the next four days, and I was able to visit with both friends and family. I was super excited to see all my sisters & brother in laws; plus cousins. I also got to see two of my favorite two girl friends - which was super awesome. I was able to get pictures of little man with 'almost' every family member at my Mom's too. Monday afternoon we headed back to Victoria for another two days. To top off our trip we went back to Tuscon for another four days before heading back to Cali. I mean that's a lot of driving but a ton of fun. I have been trying really hard to get back into the swing of things now that we are back home. It's been harder then I anticipated. We had so much fun in Texas & Arizona that it's semi sad that we are already back home. It's always good to be home but sad that our vacation went by so fast.

Now that we are back home we are in full swing. It seems that it's easier to prepare to leave for vacation then it is coming home. Getting groceries, cleaning your house, animals & kids adjusting, doing laundry and unpacking. The list goes on and on. This was our last family vacation for a while because my husband will deploy for a year possibly by July. We are planning on visiting him in November but right now that's just talk. To prepare for the deployment Little man & I joined the zoo and the YMCA this week so that we can stay busy while he was gone.

Before I sign off I'd like to ask a favor. I'd like to ask you all to lift my family in prayer. Two of my brother in laws are sick. One is facing liver failure is on dialysis twice a week & my other brother in law has been diagnosed with leukemia and is going through chemo. We also received news while in Texas that our dear friends Dad in Tucson was diagnosed with melanoma. No matter what kind of cancer - it's all painful to experience. I just ask that you help me pray for my family.

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

To Grandmother's house we go.

It's 11pm and I'm contemplating making another cup of coffee. I know I'm insane. I have a 6 month old who needs me awake and all rested tomorrow morning, but here I am.
We leave for Texas in three days.. three! I'm as packed as I can be at this point - the rest can't be packed until the night before. My house is as clean as I can be but of course I'll do a run through the morning we leave. I always vacuum & mop the floors before we leave. I also make sure we have all the laundry & dishes washed.  So three days out with a ton of stuff to do and unable to get it done. Tomorrow I take the car in for it's oil change & to make sure it's ready for a drive. Then Thursday I have to drop our Great Dane off with a friend who is watching him while we are gone. Then we leave first thing Friday morning!
I'm nervous. We haven't been home since 2011 & while this is completely overdue - I'm super nervous. I've put no effort into losing any weight, I've lost all the baby weight but I'm not where I wanted to be for this trip. I passed up on getting my hair done because I didn't feel that was important & now I'm second guessing that too. So many people I feel we need to impress when the whole point of the trip is to introduce my son to his family. So it's not about me at all.. right?
Ever feel like if you don't look the part that people will think you are losing it? There is so much pressure to bounce back after having a child. I feel if i leave my house without my hair done & at least mascara people are going to look at me like I"m a lazy has been. "Oh she just let herself go after her first kid". And nobody judges you more then family.   Oh, this rant is for another post - actually it's a post all to itself.
We have so many changes coming when we get back - so I'm hoping and praying this vacation is good to us. We need this. We need this family time - just our small family time. We need to connect away from our routine, away from the TV and the phones. We need to have moments to play and laugh. It's going to be the last vacation we get together for a while - so lets hope this trip is amazing.
Well I better get some sleep, I have a lot to do tomorrow.
I think it's so cool that before "Little Man" turns 1 he'll have been to Washington, Arizona & Texas. Sometime this year we'll venture to Arkansas, Oklahoma & Maine.Where was your favorite family vacation? Where would you recommend visiting next??