Friday, May 13, 2016

personal regroup.

I think it's safe to say that when we try to recreate ourselves later in life it's called a 'mid life crisis'. I think that every so many years we come to a point that we need to refocus & regroup. That is where I am at at this moment. I am in desperate need to regroup & refocus my life. I have been struggling for a while with finding a healthy way to release a lot of anger that I have held onto. You get a lot of opinions and suggestions but nothing has really seemed to help. I don't want anger to take over my life anymore. I am tired of feeling jaded, on edge and hesitant. I feel the healthiest way to help with the anger is to work out. To really focus on releasing this toxic energy.
I have a couple of idea's on how to regroup my life. I think that I have about 10 points that I'd like to implement into my life. The top of my list is to remove all the items we haven't used in the past 6-12 months from our house. I think it's important to remove some of the clutter to help release some of the old. I have changed myself so much, I wanted to go back to the when I felt good about myself. I went and got my nails done the other day (as fake as that it - I like having them since I bite my nails when I am stressed). I have also planned on getting my hair dyed back to a blonder color. (again i know that is a little fake but it's what i have always felt comfortable.) I also plan on getting on a very heavy workout routine. I have been using the FitBit but now I'm ready to really turn up the volume. As long as little man stays healthy - we'll be at the gym at least four days a week.
My next goal on the list is to put myself out there and make some good friends. I feel that my anger and fear of rejection hasn't allowed me to really open up to people. Plus the fact that i have so much anger - the negativity is just rolling off of me. Since military wives haven't proven to be the best way to make friends. I've decided to give the church another try. I'm going to start looking into different churches in the area and find a place that i feel comfortable. It will be a good place for little man & I to try. I'm just really praying that I don't run into another dead in on this one, but the part of this transition is to put myself out there.
Those are just a couple of things I have on the list. It's not that I'm unhappy or that I'm in a bad situation - it's just that I need a tune up. I just need to regain control over what I don't feel like I have control over. We are all a constant work in progress and I feel that with all the changes happening - this is a good time for a tune up.

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