Monday, October 31, 2016

228 days

Happy Halloween! 

I had to run to the Disney store to get mickey mouse shoes. I ran into Victoria Secret and then walked out $86 poorer. I also did some good damage at Target. You are never going to believe this though - I managed to leave the main part of my purchase at Target. I hate how baggers put five items in three bags - the purchase was for my costume tonight. Good part is that they store will refund me as long as I bring the receipt in. It's the third store that I have managed to leave an item behind and it pisses me off. 

After we got home from the mall and stopping to eat lunch inside McDonald's - we went to our first therapy appointment in over a month. Little Man comes with me to every session & plays while we talk. The Dr thinks I have a touch of depression / which to me is scary. I mean I'm not really surprised - I have a lot going on right now. It's strange to keep saying that I feel so alone - even talking to my own husband is like talking to a stranger some days. I don't really feel like I have any friends & it's really hard to confide in new people that I meet. I feel like the only way I get people to hang out with me is to make a bargin. The only person I don't feel this way about my husbands says I take advantage of - crazy sauce because I simply LOVE this chica. 

It's hard to write it all down and explain it all. I mean I'm seriously not looking for pitty & i'm 100% positive that it's not hormones (even though some will blame it on that). I'm just stressed out, lonely, confused, determined, and tired. I'm determined to overcome all of this - to move forward - to rebuild the person that I want to be. Right now I just feel beaten down & it's not because of any one person or thing. I'm just tired & it's hard to find solace in solitude when you crave interactions with other people. 

That's all I got. This post got away from me but I'm glad I got to share this part of me with you guys. The last thing in the world I want to is to feel even more alone. 


Saturday, October 29, 2016

230 days

It has been a couple of days & I needed the break to regroup these posts.

My brother in came in town and was here, with me, for a day and a half. I realized that I was craving some adult interaction. Facebook & Instagram create a form of interaction but not the kind I was really wanting. The best part of our short time together was that we got out of the house and went to the zoo. It was the first time little man & I left the house that wasn't for errands - it was nice. I realized during his short stay that I didn't have a lot to say about anything that wasn't a complaint, or wrapped around a complaint.

I realized that I needed a change. I'm busy changing the house around but I'm not changing myself. Then my husband said something that really hit me - he said that while I can make a list, I'm not always good at completing the list. It's true. I fall short in a couple of areas that I need to really work on. So yes, the house organization is more of a nesting thing & I can justify the great need of completing all the things I feel I need too. I also need to work on myself.

I have been through a lot. I don't think I have really celebrated my liberation of the 'infertility monkey' that was on my back for years. I don't think I really have celebrated the upscale that my life took after meeting my husband. I also fall short of celebrating the simple things that I take for granted so often.  With that I also fall short on taking care of myself - taking time for myself, not getting so worked up on the small things and really just enjoying my life.

While my husband was telling me that he was going to 'another' movie & needed his passport so that him and a buddy could go to Canada.. I got pissed. Pissed off that I'm here with my favorite person in the whole world - every single day without a break. I'm pissed off that I can't go to a movie (the last movie I saw in theater was Jurassic park 4 June 13th, 15 .. the day Grizzly passed away), or out of dinner or even the salon unless I'm taking little man. I need a break too. He was gone for six weeks, came back 11 weeks ago & jumped into the chief stuff, then he left to meet his shipmates & is having a great time. So while I don't feel sorry for myself, I feel that I deserve a break here and there. but I have to make it happen.

So while I had to take a dose of humility to realize that I'm taking a lot of things for granted - including myself - I have to reorganize myself from the inside while I also reorganize my home. I don't want to be a bitter military wife - or wife - but I do want to make sure that I'm not being taken for granted too. It's a hard balance and something that will require a lot of work on my behalf  but  I have got to make a change.

This is what this time is for.. right?

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

233 days

I bought more shelves. Before you sigh in dispare - I already put them together & hung them. I'm super proud of myself.  The old uniforms are gone. My master bedroom is so close to being organized & I'm so close to feeling comfortable with closing this door. I know you are excited to hear that this topic is almost over.

So moving on. I got to put a box together for the husband. He keeps bugging me about getting his xbox and some shirts sent to him. The shirts have been ready for a couple of days but I'm procrastinating on the xbox. Once the xbox is gone it's like he's really gone and not coming back - I mean I feel like he moved out some days. All this clothes are gone, his bathroom stuff is gone, he's not making a mess in my kitchen anymore.. it's sad... and now I'm parting with the stupid xbox so that he can be happier.  Man that's really dramatic.

Sorry my life is boring. I bought a ton of maternity clothes that I'm super excited about. I took my first preggo picture to share and I'm huge. I wasn't skinny before but man I've got a huge bump for 12 weeks.

See? I've got a great little bump going on already and I'm not even half way there. but I love my new shirt! That's all. 

Again, my life is dull and full of cleaning lists and baby songs that play in the background all day long. I bought little man another bouncy ball & it's huge. His little face lit up and he just smiled and smiled and he tried to bounce it down the hallway. Gosh, kids are great. 

I gotta go change the laundry and go to bed. Hopefully my life gets more exciting soon otherwise these posts are going to fall flat on it's face long before we get close to the end of this countdown. 

Thanks for checking in anyway. 

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

234 days

Quick post because I am running later then usual. I love the show BULL but I hate how it pushed back NCIS New Orleans back a whole hour.. geesh.

So today was just as uneventful as the past couple. More cleaning and organizing. I cleaned out our closet - clothes anyway. I was able to pack up a ton of unused or unusable uniforms to donate to a local thrift shop. If a friend doesn't pick them up tomorrow, I'll take them Thursday for sure. I had a whole list of stuff to get done today but I got the basics done instead. I lost my motivation after first nap (1pm) for little man. I always say I'm going to do stuff while he sleeps & then never do because I'm scared it's going to wake him up. Then I realize cleaning bathrooms, windows, mopping.. wouldn't have woken him up at all. I got that procrastination brain.

So I was reading a 12 week update (pregnancy e-mail) and it described nesting as a 'urge to organize and clean your whole house'. I can assure you that I didn't have this with little man - not like I do with this pregnancy!! I haven't even gotten to the new babies room yet - oh lord! Although in a counter - I like this. I don't like the nagging feeling when everything doesn't get done but I do like how the house is changing and morphing. I do like the cleanliness and the organization - makes me feel a lot better since I have a little person investigating as much as he can. So I'm sure some of you are highly annoyed in my constant rants about getting stuff done or what not but now we all know it's pregnancy related and it shall pass... just bare with me.

Speaking of little man. Hysterical story. So every time I pee I semi shut the bathroom door and little man opens the door with this huge grin like he found me. So I play it up and he laughs. The the insta investigation mode kicks in; you see we keep the bathroom doors shut when we aren't using them so he doesn't harm himself in anyway. So being in the bathroom is a new world for him to explore and he is only allowed in when Mommy is potting, cleaning or he is getting a 'splishy splash'. So today he brought me the remote control into the bathroom & while I got up to pull my pants up the chunked the remote in the toilet and said 'uh..' because he hasn't got the 'uh-oh' combo .. (it's super cute btw)
So now the remote isn't working. Great. It was cute though.. gotta work on those ninja skills more I guess because he was fast. I'll be honest as much as this kid enjoys throwing stuff I see some little league in our future for sure!

Well my brother is coming a day early so all my plans shifted a little bit. All good. I'm excited.
I gotta get some sleep. Thanks for reading guys.. appreciate the support.. really!

Monday, October 24, 2016

235 days

Well I'd like to start off this post with saying - I have some amazing things to share.

I did it! I put up the shelves in my room! I know, I bet you were seriously tired of hearing about those damn shelves... right? Well I was super excited with myself. The shelfs lead to cleaning & clearing a neighborning bookcases, the top of my husbands dresser, and the top of my dresser. Needless to say I got a LOT more cleared out of the master.. just a couple more things to remove & we are post a picture of my master and be proud of it status. That's huge peeps.. HUGE.

After my cleaning binge this am I went to my first, official, OB appointment. We got to meet our OB for the first time and I was startled that it was a male. We had a full exam done, which is ackward as F  to say the least, including a pap. Scariest shit happened too - he went to use the little machine to listen to the babies heart beat & he couldn't find it. I felt the baby move because he was pressing so hard on my stomach but it freaked me out. He asked the nurse to bring in the ultrasound machine and started nervously talking to me about how & why this would happen. A few moments later our little utero baby was on the screen movin' & groovin'. I could see his/her hand waving around - touching her face. We could she her/his feet moving all about & the reason we couldn't hear the heart beat through the little microphone thing was because she/he had his/her back to us. Heartbeat was 177 and that made me happy.
I also got news that my working ban has been lifted. He said that there isn't a lot they can do about the pelvic previa except monitor it at the 20 week mark because it can shift on it's own. So he said low impact workouts - even walking a couple of miles daily - is ok. If I start spotting then I need to document the workout that I did & come in so I can have physical done. At 20 weeks they'll do a, invasive, anomaly scan and we can see if the placenta has moved at all. In the case that it hasn't they they look at the position. So kinda like a moon - we don't want a full moon. We can deal with a 'wanning' or 'waxing' crescent - so prayers please this goes away on it's own. 

After our Dr's appointment little man & I came home and took a really good long nap. After that we worked on the master a little bit, then moved to the kitchen (because god knows it's always dirty), and I tried to put up the shelf that I bought at IKEA to go over the kitchen sink. There are four screws missing so I just have to decide if I want to return it or just pick up the screws I need. Oh my first "Stichfix" box came in today! I loved everything .. really.. but it's so expensive! $68 for a maternity top.. sorry I just can't. I did, however, receive a cute pair of TOMS that I will be keeping. Also a long black/white sweater shirt; that would look great with black leggings. The other three pieces will just have to go back because $268 is a lot to swing for five items! I'm going to keep giving them a shot until Jan & I'll try to post the pictures of what I got tomorrow before I mail them back. 

I'm really pleased on how things are starting to take shape. I have a couple of bigger projects ahead before I move into tackling the nursery BUT overall tonight I feel good about my progress.  I guess three weeks was the magic number to start finding my groove. I want to say Thank you to all of you who are reading my posts - I feel alone 99% of my day but it's nice to log into blogger & see that 20 something people have read my last post. So Thank You for helping me feel not so alone. 

Sunday, October 23, 2016

236 days

Yesterday I turned 12 weeks with little utero baby & tomorrow we have our first OB ultrasound. I'm really excited!! A couple more weeks and we can find out gender!!!

Today wasn't as productive as it probably should have but we had some adventures outside the house. SO little Bella got out of the backyard, which prompted a search and rescue (thanks to the lady who called me). After picking Bella up I decided that we would start our day off with breakfast - so I went to Starbucks for me and McDonalds pancakes for little man. While in line at McDonalds the lady taking our order asked what kind of dog Bella was and then told me there was a 8 month old male pom at the pound. So after breakfast we went to the pound to check on the pom. And he was there but he wasn't good with kids or other dogs BUT he had also been adopted. So I found this little 2 month old white terrier and she was so sweet and I was smitten. She isn't adoptable until the 27th of Oct and they have two holds on her. So if we do want her we have to be first at the door on the 27th. OMG she was so adorable, and friendly, and sweet.. and I was thinking she might be good for Bella. A little play mate.. the husband thinks I'm crazy but gave me the green light if I really wanted to take on another dog.

After we left the pound, empty handed, a friend of mine came over to watch the Chargers game. She stayed for about an hour and bailed. While she was here I gave her a tour of the house and I could feel how embarrassed I was and I don't want to feel that way anymore. Believe me I have made a lot of headway so far. My master bedroom look so much better now. It's just a work in progress and I gotta keep working until I'm satisfied. I also have to keep reminding people that the husband & I rented 3 of our 4 bedrooms out for four years. A lot of our stuff got crammed into our master to make more living room for everyone else. So dejunking could also be described as reorganizing. We aren't pack rats but we have put a lot of stuff into a very small space & now it's time to filter through it all and find it a home. Here or else where. 

I've also got to look up how to clean a litter box while pregnant. I think I need a mask or something but I'm not going to scoop out litter - I'm just dumping the box each time and refilling with litter. I'm sure in the long run that's more expensive but I'm also sure that it's a hell of a lot cleaner. Tempted to just throw the stupid thing out but I do catch the cats using it every now and again. 

Anyway after my friend left little man & I ventured to Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of things. I accidently bought the gel deodorant instead of the solid - and for some reason the gel doesn't work on me.. so I had to go pick up deodorant. Also this is my 2nd pregnancy with really bad dry scalp. So I bought some coconut oil to lather on my scalp this evening - because it really works for me. That's not all I bought but we didn't really buy anything super exciting either. 

Later little man & I ordered pizza and settled in to watch the new "The Walking Dead" season premier. I forgot how violent that show was.. man it's graphic. After that I need to cleanse my mind so I watched a HallMark movie I had saved on my DVR. Little man fell asleep shortly after 8pm. I decided to treat myself and give myself a facial while I used the coconut oil on my scalp. The facial was heavenly which lead to me wanting a massage. I really should try to make time for that in Nov. I'm sure I can get away with is since it's my birthday month and all. 

Well I'm gotta get off = the great dane just threw his dinner up on my bedroom carpet. I was all snuggled in for the night too. Damn. I hope everyone had a great weekend & I'd love to hear some feedback from you readers. I'd like to hear how your weekend went or what you thought of "The Walking Dead" season premier . 

Saturday, October 22, 2016

237 days

I really don't have anything to talk about.

My brother came in town for a day yesterday and we really didn't do anything fun. I spend a lot of time by myself so I was semi disappointed that we didn't really talk. Then again I don't have a lot to talk about. We set around in the house and did nothing. I got to take a nap while little man also took and nap but the cool part was that when he woke up my brother just go him up and let me sleep. I really didn't sleep because I'm trained to hear my kid even through a deep sleep. We went to a friends house for dinner. My son has a huge thing about throwing toys down their stairs (because the living area is on the second level of their townhouse). Which was fun to keep cleaning up the stairs over and over again. We left around 10pm and my brother took my husband's car to base to get on his boat. They left this am.

Today we didn't do anything either. I folded a couple of loads of laundry and watched TV.   It was glorious to not feel the pressure to have to do something. Tomorrow I invited a friend over to watcch a football game. I also need to take a trip to Wal-Mart and that's my weekend. Boring uneventful weekend. I am so thankful though that I get to really spend time with my little man. I keep reminding myself how much is going to change once the baby is born. So I gotta get all those hugs and single kisses now.

Well I'm off to shower and bed. I hope everyone reading this had a great weekend and I'd love to hear what you did this weekend by yourself or with your family! Please leave me a comment.

Thursday, October 20, 2016

239 days

Little man & I went to go pick up a beer mug that my husband had engraved for his sponsor during Chief season. We picked up some of his sponsor's favorite candy & mailed the the mug out. I wasn't thinking about my husbands X-Box so we have to go back and mail that off this weekend. Now that we know it could take a whole week for the packages to arrive, I need to make sure I get it done asap.

After we arrived home we got some great play time in - man this little man loves these bouncy balls! I'm so happy he does because we are learning so many new things! I'm so surprised on how quickly he has picked up 'bouncing' instead of just rolling it around. we got a good nap in and he woke up super cranky. I completely forgot about his teething and couldn't figure out what the problem was. I made chicken pot pies, which he normally loves, and he didn't touch it at all. We have gotten to the point where he'll only eat fruit specifically strawberries. At least it's healthy.. right? I gave him a bath, some infant tylenol and put some vicks on the bottom of his feet. I'm sure the vick's doesn't help with teething but hey.

Made a to do list and got 4 out of 6 items completed. Super proud of myself. As soon as I finish this post I'll knock out the master bath before we go to bed, just leaving a load of a laundry that needs to be done tomorrow. I'm so happy I got that kitchen floor mopped. Little man has a habit of throwing food off his tray, for Bella, when he is done eating. So those floors were pretty neglected but man I feel better to get so much accomplished. I bet you are excited too because it's annoying to keep hearing me whine about not getting stuff done.

I got a 'girls night' invite. I'm super happy about that! Now to find a sitter to see if this is even going to be possible. Super excited to just be invited! My brother will be here for a day tomorrow & I have a fun day planned for Sunday. We have a weekend getaway planned for one of the first weekends in Nov to visit a farm petting zoo. So things are looking up.

Today was a good day! How was your Thursday?


Wednesday, October 19, 2016

240 days

Ten full days - he's been gone 10 full days. Crazy to think that ten full days have passed and I still feel like it was yesterday. I have come to realize that I am really hard on myself. Here I am with a 15 month old beautiful baby boy & 11.5 days pregnant with my 2nd beautiful baby. I'm currently a single Mom with 2 dogs and 2 cats. I run a full house & I'm constantly disappointed on what I didn't accomplish instead of what I did. It's hard to change that mindset I have established but I did to do it. I'm not a superhuman - I am just human. I can accomplish what I can and I try really hard to add more and more. Today I got the floors mopped (all but the kitchen), I got a bathroom clean, I got a shower, the trash taken out, the dishwasher emptied and refilled and emptied again.. but when I list it like this it seems so little. I feel like I'm a bit on the lazy side and I also feel like I should be getting a lot more done housework wise. It's hard because little man is so interested in so many new things. He's needing three meals a day, plus naps, plus diaper changes. plus playtime. It's a hard balance but if you're a Mom  you know this language all too well. It's the most rewarding and the most rewarding 'job' anybody can have. I love watching little man learn something new, or see the light in his eyes when a song comes on he knows. Our new thing is playing with his new bouncy balls, he gets so much joy bouncing the ball and putting in the box (old diaper box). I just feel I need to do more or do better but I feel like I'm being to hard on myself.

Today I got my surprise from the husband & boy was it a surprise! Even though I figured he was sending flowers - it blew my mind. First off I have never received flowers from him before - delivery wise. He bought me a bouquet for our anniversary a while ago but this bouquet was amazing! If you follow me on social media then you have already seen the beautiful bouquet.

I was completely blown away by the two dozen roses but the bear & the dozen strawberries.. WOW that was over the top! He did a great job! I was very surprised but sad he wasn't here so I could thank him in person & he could enjoy some of the strawberries too. Hopefully he doesn't forget in my birthday (in a month) and he does a smaller bouquet without all the extra's. I'm also hoping I can keep these beautiful babies alive for a while!

That's all I have for today. I know that I'm really hard on myself and I know I need to stop doing that. The good thing is my brother will be here on Friday so I'll have a little adult interaction to hopefully help me feel 'normal' again. Motherhood is hard, deployments are hard - I just never thought about doing both at the same time. My hat goes off to all the Mom's out there who have done deployments. You are so strong! My hat goes off to all the single Mom's; I don't know how you do it but you deserve more then my words of acknowledgement. Just know you are doing the best you can & your babies know you love them.

I hope everyone had a great Wednesday & hoping you have a even better Thursday. 

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

241 days.

Today we got out of the house pretty early. I wanted to get as much of our errands done before Little Man's nap time so that I could join in and get stuff done around the house after he woke up. We started off at Ross where I bought some maternity shirts & a couple of baby girl outfits. I also got Little man an outfit. A fight broke out between two women in the store so I got out in a hurry - don't even know what the fight was about to be honest - all I know is my baby was in the store and I wanted out.  I ended up leaving a whole bag of clothing, that I paid for, in the store! Turns out it was all my maternity clothing too. The store agreed that I could pick it up tomorrow.  After Ross we went a couple stores down to Micheal's where we bought some finger paints, these huge pom poms (which little man loves) and four blue and white anchor ribbon spools. After Micheal's we went to Target and on the way my air pressure warning went off again, it went off yesterday and the day before also. I stopped in at a Discount Tire, had them check out the pressure and they found three nails in one tire. We ended up putting two new tires on the SUV{{total side note here. Ladies & Gents do NOT let a tire co tell you that you can only replace ONE tire are a time ESP if they are all bad and ESP if they are your back tires. Tires should ALWAYS be bought in pairs - it helps with your alignments and your axel.}} and they promised me an hour. So I took my cranky little man to target in his stroller, where he passed out on the walk there, and I got to shop basically by myself. I picked up more little girl clothes, another outfit for little man, two bouncy balls, more finger paints, looked at some double strollers, got lunch and some fabulous butter popcorn. Walked back to DT and they hadn't even started on my car - 54 min later! I was furious! They promised me an hour and it was completed closer to the end of 2. So a very tired and cranky 15 month old in a tire store that is full of quietly waiting other customers.. lord.

We made it home. Not much of anything productive happened after that. I really really need to get these floors mopped & my brother arrives on Thursday so I gotta get this house cleaned, and the guest room set up. Fun note I had a great convo with the hubby today; who was less then pleased on all the little girl clothing without knowing gender. I mean it's a whole 20 outfits that include onesies, pants, and pj's. I think we are off to a great start considering I had WAY more then this at 11 weeks for little man. Anyway I can hold off shopping for more clothes for the next months. I mean I don't want a whole bunch of long sleeved clothing anyway.

That's all I got. My 'special' gift from the hubby arrives tomorrow so hopefully we are home when it arrives!! I'll have to share with you all what it is! Well - have a great night and I have a fun surprise to announce next week to those of you who are reading my posts.

Monday, October 17, 2016

242 days

Today was a very tiring day.  I spend the morning looking through different websites for a double stroller that I want. I mean the morning just flew past and before I knew it we were ready for our 10:30 nap (well Little Man's nap time not mine). I actually did fall asleep during his morning nap today but we got up and went grocery shopping. The whole event of getting grocery's is so exhausting but the worst for me unloading the vehicle.. blech. I got everything unloaded and all the cold/frozen put away. Little man took his second nap, which the one I usually join him on, in the car so I was exhausted this evening.
We did get to talk to the husband for a 20 min block while eating dinner - that was nice! After little man went to bed I cleaned the kitchen. This morning it was all clean and put together & tonight it was like a war zone. Just how?? Seriously only two of us and you'd think we had a huge get together or something - I just don't understand.
Tomorrow I've got to mop these floors and put the remaining homeless groceries away. My goal is to also hang up the white shelves I bought for my bedroom, that I talked about yesterday. I forgot to charge the drill today. I need to make a big long to do list and start checking off all the things that need to be done. I made a chore chart on excel but I'm trying to do such a deep purge that the chore chart seems irrelevant at the moment. I also want to make it to Micheal's and Target to get some sensory play items. Little man is really into bouncy balls right now - you know the medium sized 'dodge ball' type. I also want to pick up some type of water colors and I really would like to find some type of edible saving cream foam. That made no sense. I want something like shaving cream he can play with on his high chair tray but I'd like it to be edible since he's a baby still.
The husband told me to be on the look out for a gift on Wed. Can't wait to share with you guys what it is. Hopefully it's a babysitter so I can go see a movie. Or maybe it's maid for a day. A girl can dream yea?
I hope everyone had a great Monday. Next Monday I have my first official OB appointment and I'm super excited to see the baby again. Well, anyway - goodnight and God Bless.

Sunday, October 16, 2016

244 & 243 days

Recap of day 244 {yesterday}.
We had a birthday party for a friends son who turned one. It was a sweet little party. I loved the theme and the detail they put into it. The gift that we bought hasn't arrived yet - even though it was a prime item and I paid for next day shipping ($16.99) but fedex isn't delivering it until tomorrow. Really upset about that but it's not the end of the world. After we left the birthday party, we came home for an hour before going to get food at Olive Garden b/c I was craving a salad. Little man also loves spaghetti so it was a win - win. After little man went to bed, around 8, a new friend came over to eat dinner with me and watch a movie. We didn't really watch a movie, we just set around and talked. Her fiance' is with my husband in Maine & obviously on the same ship. They guys met here in SD a couple months ago and have become fast friends so we felt it was time to get to know one another. It was a very nice evening. We ended our night around 12:30 and I was exhausted.

Today I took a slower approach to my day. I got all the laundry done in the house - hung up and put away {yay me!} and organized kitchen drawers. We have already thrown out so many things we haven't used so the utensil drawer was a to do item. Later I went to IKEA with my girlfriend K & then we went out to dinner at Souplantation (I'm really craving salads). At IKEA I bought a new rack to hang above our kitchen sink to help with the counter clutter, bought a new utensil holder (so now we have two full ones), multi colored kid dish set, a dish drying rack, and wooden cutting board. I don't shop IKEA very often but I thought I managed the buying impluse really well. Little man feel asleep on the way home but woke up as soon as I tried to change him into his pj's. I should have just left him but I knew he needed a diaper change & if you are going to do a diaper change you might as well change the clothing too. He's been up since 8 and it's now 11:30. Finally down for the night which means he'll sleep in until apx 830 tomorrow morning - which is why I went ahead and wrote this post.

the funny thing about organization & declutter is that it brings such disorganization and clutter with  it until you iron out all the little details. Much like life. When you make a big change in your personal life, things seem to get messy - harder even - but if you plow through it's usually worth it. That's how I feel about the house. I now have 4.. yes 4.. empty clothes baskets that we were full of stuff we needed to remove from the house. I have done 3 purges through the master, which lead to purchasing two shelves ( I need apx 8 total) but if you looked at my room you couldn't tell that I've worked an hour a day for a week on it. I know the end reward will be worth it but man it's so chaotic.  right now. I keep saying that my purges are from my pregnancy but my friend K said it could just be a way to deal with my husband being gone. It's the first chance for me to really put my stamp on the place without getting distracted. I can set my own pace and really focus on what I'm doing. I think she's right but I also think it's a little of both.

Well I have decided to make an appointment to have a 3D ultrasound done at 14 weeks so we can find out gender of the baby. So hopefully in three weeks the baby will cooperate and I can start really planning this nursery. Worse comes to worse we find out at 20 weeks but I'd like to know so I can start picking up clothes. The husband talked me into it really. So I have a question for you Mommy's of little girls. If we are having a girl, which is what I think we are, I'd like to purchase all her furniture in white. I want the same exact 4 n 1 crib and exact dresser that little man has but his is in dark cherry. My question is.. as she gets older .. like 13 and up.. white is a good color right? I don't know why the white screams girl to me.. maybe because it's softer. Is that a good plan or should I do the exact same color in both rooms also??  The husband is no help and just says "get what you want". I really don't plan on buying a new furniture set for either one of them.. ever.

We have made it a full week since the husband left & we've done ok. A couple more things to work on and hopefully get a new rhythm going for our day. Time management is key with a toddler. Hope everyone had a great weekend.

Friday, October 14, 2016

245 days

Hopefully I can make a real quick post simply because it's already so late. Little man literally feel asleep 20 min ago and he's usually out by 8pm.
Nothing to really report for today other then I got a lot of work done on the house. I got little man's carpet's shampoo'd, the master really dejunked & thankfully my new shelving for the master came in today. My brother will be here next week so I'm going see if he has time to help me because I am horrible at screw alignment. Everything is starting to come together, I think. I really need to focus on my 'time management' because that is really hurting me. It's a constant push off system, which I loath deeply. "OH I'll wait until nap time" then nap time arrives "Well I have to be quiet so he doesn't wake up". Then once he wakes up nothing gets accomplished that I stated would during his nap time. I have a lot of self work I need to accomplish - in a good healthy way.

I'm having a inner debate about gender with baby #2. The husband talked me into not finding out gender with little man. I kind of want to have that experience again of knowing at the end. We already have names picked out and we already have a lot of left over baby stuff. I just need to really focus on a room decor and clothing. You see I had a feeling the whole pregnancy that I was having a boy & I was right . I'm pretty sure this little one is a girl but I'm apprehensive in starting to purchase clothing. This point in my pregnancy with little man I already had a whole mountain of things, we had already locked in on a theme.. I'm really slacking. So this morning I looked up the earliest you can find out gender and I'm tempted to make a 3d ultrasound appointment at 14 weeks and just KNOW the gender. If we are having a little girl I want to create this little pink butterfly oasis for her nursery and start picking out cute little dresses and leggings and headbands. Do I find out or not??

Speaking of pregnancy weeks - tomorrow I'll be 11 weeks preggo! Say what?! I feel like we just got told we were having a baby.. and now it's 11 weeks. I can't believe the first trimester is almost over! I'm so anxious to go back to my OB and hopefully get cleared of this placenta previa so I can go back to the gym! Gosh I miss the gym! I miss having a hour to myself and it makes you feel so much more centered. I got a lot more done in a day when I started my day off at the gym so hopefully this whole thing healed itself and we are back to normalish buisness.

Alright last thing.. with Christmas (my 2nd fav holiday of the year {Even though that could be debatedable by those around me}) I have no idea what to get my son for Christmas. He has everything already! I have no idea what an 18 month old could possibly ask Santa for. I got him the color crew plush crayons, a little people sail boat with a sailor, a couple of bouncy balls and a little tikes push car for his main gift. I already ordered and received his Christmas monogrammed pj's from #gentrycalifornia What else, or does he need anything else, I think he's good yea? Man Christmas is hard to do.. lost more respect for the "santa's" out there!  oh, I've got to find Stockings and a tree skirt for this year (so finding out gender before that purchase would be nice because lord knows it's so hard to find the same stocking patterns again).

Alright I'm out - we have a birthday party to attend tomorrow and then a movie date in the evening. Have a great weekend everyone & thank you for reading my posts.

Thursday, October 13, 2016

246 days

Today was a good day. I have a lot on my mind that I want to unload but we had a good day.
I met some ladies for coffee from the San Diego Chief Petty Officer Association & had a great time. It was nice to talk about our husbands, their different jobs, home life, and possibly some great fundraising opportunities. At some point I've got to branch out and make some new friends - so hopefully this is a good avenue because Lord knows I've been wrong before.
After we went for coffee, which lasted almost two full hours, we came home to relax. I had plans to get the house cleaned up more but of course that didn't happen. I've really got to buckle down and start cleaning this house. I for sure need to shampoo Little Man's room soon & that may be my for tomorrow and cinderella style clean the kitchen tile floor. Anyway I ended up talking to my brother while I put away laundry; which was great! After that I took a quick 1.5 hr nap with little man and then we went to a friends 1st birthday party. That was great! It was at this kids play zone that I have wanting to try and now that I saw how excited Little Man was there - we will be going back!

So while talking to my brother we started one of our really deep conversations. I was explaining that even though I understand my husbands job ( to a point ) and I understand why he fought to stay in San Diego. It was hard to not feel abandoned and angry. In 2015 when we were up for orders I begged my husband to pick a new place because I wanted to get the chance to travel to a different State. He fought to stay and then ended up on this precom that is being built in Maine. So now he is in Maine for the next handful of months while the ship is being built and I'm alone here in San Diego. So who really got what they wanted? It's hard to not feel angry, to not feel jaded, to not feel like he 'chose' to leave us - because he did. I also feel that with all the security stuff I don't really understand my husbands job. It's hard to not take that they goof around in a office all day and half ass work. It's also hard to understand the difficulty of a deployment when all they share are 'good ole time stories' from ports they've visited. So I do understand when a military wife gets upset that their husband is leaving to go 'party' for 8 months while we stay behind and run a household with no breaks. It's hard.
I also think because I have such a weak support system, or feel like I do, it's harder. I have prayed and prayed for a new group of friends. Then I started going to this Thursday church book club thing and then realized that those ladies weren't invested in me at all. I wanted to be missed or checked on and that hasn't happened. That made me very dishearted. Plus I've been going for three months and haven't made any head way with meeting any one person or building a kid playdate. Actually all the kiddo's had 1st birthday parties after little man and we weren't invited to one of them. That really really hurt my feelings. I also told them I'd be gone for two weeks because of the husband leaving and not one person has checked on us. Which again is really heartbreaking because I was really hoping I had found a great group. I'm going to conitnue to pray for good friends because we are really going to need some support these next 8-9 months.

Well Like I said i needed to unload. We don't have any plans for tomorrow and I'm praying I can get some deep cleaning done. Saturday we have another birthday party to attend but I've got to get on top of this deep house cleaning.. how many times can I say that in a post??

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

247 days

So just a little FYI - the countdown dates aren't exactly exact. Due to safety reasons the numbers have been altered higher or lower to offset the exact date of the ships arrival in San Diego. So.. with that being said ... lets get this day documented.

Today was a much better morning as far as Little man's wake up schedule and my own. We seemed to have woken up apx 10 min apart - so that made me feel a whole lot better. We got through breakfast and decided to have a 'home' day considering tomorrow is so busy. I had a list of  "to do's" to get done today and well let's just say that Friday will be much busier then expected. So after breakfast we 'attempted' an art project idea that I found on pinterest.
First off Little man didn't like the feel of the zip lock bag the paper was in. We also only used one color - orange for Halloween. So after a few minutes of trying to get him interested in the paint through the bag (I really need to make him so edible paints for). So after the paint I cleaned up the tray and him from breakfast and left the paper to dry for a moment. I thought the paper would be too saturated to remove it from the zip lock bag - so I let it dry. I let it dry a little too long because the paper was stuck to the zip lock bag and his picture ended up breaking in half. :( So if you try this project just remember that your child might not like the feel of the bag and remove your artwork once your baby had completed the project. I will try again for sure though.

After breakfast - which was a english muffin and strawberries for me- I became overwhelmed with nausea. Extremely overwhelmed. The nausea led to a headache and then body chills.. you know that goosebump off over your body feeling? So anyway my day was shot. Later in the morning I started experiencing diarrhea which absolutely freaked me out. {I have a reason for sharing this} After the fourth trip to the bathroom I called the Dr's office. I went to the store to get some fluids with electrolights (gatorade) and some kind of soup. The Dr's office called while at the store and the nurse explained that when you have morning sickness (nausea is considered part of morning sickness) that you don't get all the nutrients that you need. So when your body gets too low on the nutrients that you need and substitute the food for liquid you are prone to have diarrhea. She suggested that I eat chicken broth - straight chicken broth and delute the gatorade the remaining of today and tomorrow. I have spent the rest of the day laying around and trying to recover - the chicken broth was actually really good and I haven't had any issues from drinking it. It made my stomach feel so much better which helped me save my evening with Little man. I feel so horrible feeling bad because then I'm not giving 100% to little man and he really needs that right now. I know he doesn't understand what happened to Daddy and Mommy not being 100% has to be really confusing.

So other then that we didn't get a whole lot done today & like I said above we have a big day tomorrow. Hopefully we will be to get stuff done Friday because I really need to focus on getting this house dejunked and reorganized.

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

248 days

So we made it through day 2.
Today started off really slow. I swear I need help hearing my kid wake up - he just gibber gabbers all early in the mornings. He woke up around 6:38 (according to the baby monitor) but I manged to not hear him for an hour. A whole hour. What kind of parent am I? Who doesn't hear their child talking and babbling for an hour? I know someone is going to have fun with this but I'm being real  & that really bothered me that I didn't hear my kid wake up. So have fun with that if you want.

I managed to do four loads of laundry - that aren't folded and put away - but they are clean. I did manage to fold my sons laundry and instead of putting it away during his nap - I took a shower. Anyway after he woke up he decided to throw all the clothes around the room & on the dog. That was fun to watch, no really it was, he is hysterical. He gets so excited over his little accomplishments even though it's a straight destruction of my hard work.

While doing the 3rd load of laundry one of my acrylic nails just fell off. I mean just fell the f off. Like it wasn't attached with super glue and some clear powder. Anyway we ended up waiting for second nap and then we ran to the nail salon. I got a new set of acrylic's put on and then we went to Target. I know I felt like a little house wife cliche too. We ended up picking one of the two gifts for birthday parties this weekend. I also scored some super cute shirts in 18m and 2T, which he isn't wearing yet, for $4.50 a shirt. Go me. After Target we went to Chipolte, another cliche I'm sure, for dinner. Once we arrived home we ate our dinner and got to talk to the husband.

The husband is doing good. We got to talk for a little bit, as I said, he even helped me pick out the birthday gift via text messaging. Which was a pretty high - high in my book. It was if he was with me. He mentioned that he liked that little man and I weren't just sitting at home but trust me it's harder to sit and home then it is to leave the house. At home his energy is still in the house and it's hard. Just this morning I was cleaning up the house, the trash needed to go out & I thought "oh I'll have Ben do that when he gets home". Just a super casual thought. POP. Later cleaning the master bath after my shower, amazing how those two coincide, I thought "oh I should have Ben clean out the litter box for me later". BAM. It just hits me over and over and over again.. he isn't coming home for 248 more days. He's not at work, he's not on a duty day.. he is gone. On deployment - just so that clarify because that could have been read totally different.

Tomorrow is a off day for us. NO plans. Thursday is a pretty big day for the both of us and then another off day for Friday. BUT hopefully we don't have a dull moment. The fact is we have been slowly dejunking the house. I have been going through the whole house and throwing anything and everything out that we haven't touched in 6 months or longer. So far I have really dulled down the master bedroom, where the majority of the junk is, and the future baby room. I gotta call 1800GOTJUNK to clear out some bigger items. So hopefully I get more of that done this week and get to the back yard before trash day on Monday. Agh! The anxiety of getting all of this stuff done!! Ok I'm off to fold three baskets of laundry and then off to bed I go.

Monday, October 10, 2016


I want to start off with saying that this little 'thunder bean' has to be a girl. This little baby is 10 weeks and already controlling so much! (lol) At first this little baby wanted nothing but Strawberries (and how we both survived is a miracle - let me tell you!) Now it's a guessing game - not a fun one. I constantly think about pizza but the moment you put a slice in front of me... It's so confusing. Little Man was picky in the fact that I craved potatoes and green apples. This little one really enjoys fruit and esp red apples... do you see the struggle. lol The great part is that the first trimester is almost over and that means that I should be able to eat almost anything I want!! I'm also super excited that I'm not craving sweets!! Ok, enough baby complaining - I'm truly excited to be having another beautiful baby!
On another note to this whirlwind they diagnosed use with 'placenta previa' which just means that placenta is in front of the cervix. It has caused a couple of issues but nothing major. We have our next OB appointment on the 24th and I'll find out more information. Right now I'm not allowed to work out and that is killing me! Hopefully this heals itself, like the said it could, and we can just move on because working out would really help me manage all this stress. Even if it's something really simply like yoga or squats - which were specifically listed on the 'no list'.
I have seriously have got to find my rhythm with being a single parent. Although I feel like I have taken today to really mourn (silly way to word that) but I have really got to get it together. I woke up to baskets of laundry because we have put it off to enjoy our last week. The house is so filthy, in my opinion, and I really really need to do a huge purge of our house. I want to purge the house to the point our neighbors think we are moving.. seriously we have collected so much junk and things we don't even use. I have got to find a way to remove a lot of this clutter. I'm going to blame the purge on the baby and call it mega nesting. LOL
Today is day two of my husband being gone, hence the post title, and I felt a little off. I did, however, feel a lot better then I did yesterday. The husband helped by facetiming his new digs and somehow that was comforting. We made a list of things he needed to obtain for the living quarters and we had a great conversation. I took little man to Wal-Mart to go get some Halloween decorations and just get out of the house. It was a nice distraction but once we got home the house seemed so empty. I'm sure it will take a week or so to get used to not having someone around to help.
Alright that's all I got for you. My life is incredibly boring to the masses but hey we can't all be Kim's and Kanye's. Thanks for stopping by and reading - I appreciate it.

Sunday, October 9, 2016

250 days

Today my husband left for a 8 month deployment. We have had so much time to prep for this but as today came it hit me that - I'm not ready. But ready or not.. We woke up at 3:30 this am with tears brimming in our eyes as we silently moved around the house. Getting the car packed with his bags, making a cup of coffee, starting the car and getting the baby up and into his seat.
I should also say that I'm currently 10 weeks pregnant -- so the water works weren't hard to turn on. I cried all the way to the airport, then had enough strength to hold them back while we all said goodbye. Little man, thankfully, woke up so he could say goodbye. As we left the airport I couldn't hold back the flood gates anymore and basically cried all the way home. Once home little man & I went back to sleep for a couple of hours. Upon waking up you could see the slight disappointment in little mans face that "dadda" didn't get him up for the day. Little man looked for 'Dadda' for a hour or so before getting distracted by his toys. I crawled up with my cup of reheated coffee and cried some more.
I'm not a weak person. I'm not one to shy away from a challenge. I just currently feel like I have a lot to take care of by myself & It's been a while since we have had a full deployment. During these 250 days I'll have the holidays, I'll have prepping for baby #2, and then giving birth to baby #2. I'll also be taking care of little man - hopefully conquer potty training & attending swim lessons. We have a huge variety of events for little man since he is now walking.
I'd also like to note that while I wanted to crawl up in a ball and cry the day away. We ended up going to a Pumpkin patch in California. We were invited to go to Stehly's Farm & Pumpkin patch - I thought it was a good idea for Thomas to not see me cry all day. I'd like to say that once we left I didn't cry but that was a lie. We had a great time! They had a small petting zoo, fresh food, fresh fruits and veggies, and lots of kid activities. They had a huge pumpkin patch and a great maze! We'll test out a couple more but for our first attempt - this wasn't too bad.