Monday, October 31, 2016

228 days

Happy Halloween! 

I had to run to the Disney store to get mickey mouse shoes. I ran into Victoria Secret and then walked out $86 poorer. I also did some good damage at Target. You are never going to believe this though - I managed to leave the main part of my purchase at Target. I hate how baggers put five items in three bags - the purchase was for my costume tonight. Good part is that they store will refund me as long as I bring the receipt in. It's the third store that I have managed to leave an item behind and it pisses me off. 

After we got home from the mall and stopping to eat lunch inside McDonald's - we went to our first therapy appointment in over a month. Little Man comes with me to every session & plays while we talk. The Dr thinks I have a touch of depression / which to me is scary. I mean I'm not really surprised - I have a lot going on right now. It's strange to keep saying that I feel so alone - even talking to my own husband is like talking to a stranger some days. I don't really feel like I have any friends & it's really hard to confide in new people that I meet. I feel like the only way I get people to hang out with me is to make a bargin. The only person I don't feel this way about my husbands says I take advantage of - crazy sauce because I simply LOVE this chica. 

It's hard to write it all down and explain it all. I mean I'm seriously not looking for pitty & i'm 100% positive that it's not hormones (even though some will blame it on that). I'm just stressed out, lonely, confused, determined, and tired. I'm determined to overcome all of this - to move forward - to rebuild the person that I want to be. Right now I just feel beaten down & it's not because of any one person or thing. I'm just tired & it's hard to find solace in solitude when you crave interactions with other people. 

That's all I got. This post got away from me but I'm glad I got to share this part of me with you guys. The last thing in the world I want to is to feel even more alone. 


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