Saturday, October 29, 2016

230 days

It has been a couple of days & I needed the break to regroup these posts.

My brother in came in town and was here, with me, for a day and a half. I realized that I was craving some adult interaction. Facebook & Instagram create a form of interaction but not the kind I was really wanting. The best part of our short time together was that we got out of the house and went to the zoo. It was the first time little man & I left the house that wasn't for errands - it was nice. I realized during his short stay that I didn't have a lot to say about anything that wasn't a complaint, or wrapped around a complaint.

I realized that I needed a change. I'm busy changing the house around but I'm not changing myself. Then my husband said something that really hit me - he said that while I can make a list, I'm not always good at completing the list. It's true. I fall short in a couple of areas that I need to really work on. So yes, the house organization is more of a nesting thing & I can justify the great need of completing all the things I feel I need too. I also need to work on myself.

I have been through a lot. I don't think I have really celebrated my liberation of the 'infertility monkey' that was on my back for years. I don't think I really have celebrated the upscale that my life took after meeting my husband. I also fall short of celebrating the simple things that I take for granted so often.  With that I also fall short on taking care of myself - taking time for myself, not getting so worked up on the small things and really just enjoying my life.

While my husband was telling me that he was going to 'another' movie & needed his passport so that him and a buddy could go to Canada.. I got pissed. Pissed off that I'm here with my favorite person in the whole world - every single day without a break. I'm pissed off that I can't go to a movie (the last movie I saw in theater was Jurassic park 4 June 13th, 15 .. the day Grizzly passed away), or out of dinner or even the salon unless I'm taking little man. I need a break too. He was gone for six weeks, came back 11 weeks ago & jumped into the chief stuff, then he left to meet his shipmates & is having a great time. So while I don't feel sorry for myself, I feel that I deserve a break here and there. but I have to make it happen.

So while I had to take a dose of humility to realize that I'm taking a lot of things for granted - including myself - I have to reorganize myself from the inside while I also reorganize my home. I don't want to be a bitter military wife - or wife - but I do want to make sure that I'm not being taken for granted too. It's a hard balance and something that will require a lot of work on my behalf  but  I have got to make a change.

This is what this time is for.. right?

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