Thursday, October 13, 2016

246 days

Today was a good day. I have a lot on my mind that I want to unload but we had a good day.
I met some ladies for coffee from the San Diego Chief Petty Officer Association & had a great time. It was nice to talk about our husbands, their different jobs, home life, and possibly some great fundraising opportunities. At some point I've got to branch out and make some new friends - so hopefully this is a good avenue because Lord knows I've been wrong before.
After we went for coffee, which lasted almost two full hours, we came home to relax. I had plans to get the house cleaned up more but of course that didn't happen. I've really got to buckle down and start cleaning this house. I for sure need to shampoo Little Man's room soon & that may be my for tomorrow and cinderella style clean the kitchen tile floor. Anyway I ended up talking to my brother while I put away laundry; which was great! After that I took a quick 1.5 hr nap with little man and then we went to a friends 1st birthday party. That was great! It was at this kids play zone that I have wanting to try and now that I saw how excited Little Man was there - we will be going back!

So while talking to my brother we started one of our really deep conversations. I was explaining that even though I understand my husbands job ( to a point ) and I understand why he fought to stay in San Diego. It was hard to not feel abandoned and angry. In 2015 when we were up for orders I begged my husband to pick a new place because I wanted to get the chance to travel to a different State. He fought to stay and then ended up on this precom that is being built in Maine. So now he is in Maine for the next handful of months while the ship is being built and I'm alone here in San Diego. So who really got what they wanted? It's hard to not feel angry, to not feel jaded, to not feel like he 'chose' to leave us - because he did. I also feel that with all the security stuff I don't really understand my husbands job. It's hard to not take that they goof around in a office all day and half ass work. It's also hard to understand the difficulty of a deployment when all they share are 'good ole time stories' from ports they've visited. So I do understand when a military wife gets upset that their husband is leaving to go 'party' for 8 months while we stay behind and run a household with no breaks. It's hard.
I also think because I have such a weak support system, or feel like I do, it's harder. I have prayed and prayed for a new group of friends. Then I started going to this Thursday church book club thing and then realized that those ladies weren't invested in me at all. I wanted to be missed or checked on and that hasn't happened. That made me very dishearted. Plus I've been going for three months and haven't made any head way with meeting any one person or building a kid playdate. Actually all the kiddo's had 1st birthday parties after little man and we weren't invited to one of them. That really really hurt my feelings. I also told them I'd be gone for two weeks because of the husband leaving and not one person has checked on us. Which again is really heartbreaking because I was really hoping I had found a great group. I'm going to conitnue to pray for good friends because we are really going to need some support these next 8-9 months.

Well Like I said i needed to unload. We don't have any plans for tomorrow and I'm praying I can get some deep cleaning done. Saturday we have another birthday party to attend but I've got to get on top of this deep house cleaning.. how many times can I say that in a post??


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