Friday, December 2, 2016

Day 196

Today went by so quickly!
I had all of these plans for today and then it all just seemed to slip by. I always have a list of items that need to be cleaned and a longer list of to gets. I feel like the more I try to be ahead the more I fall behind and I have a lot on my plate right now. I will find that balance, just in time to have a new baby, but I will find that balance.
I constantly stress that the house isn't clean enough - and lord I could take pictures right now to prove my point. I don't feel like I make healthy meal choices for Little Man & I - but the very thought of cooking makes me sick. So we eat out alot & I know that isn't healthy. It's going to be really hard for him to understand that all of that stops in a couple of months. I can think of a million things that I need to get down right now & I don't ever seem to even scratch the surface.
I give myself a lot of slack because I am a single parents but I know that other military wives live this life just like I do. I just didn't realize how lonely, how tough and how mentally exhausting it would be.  There are days that I crave just to ride to the nearest 7-11 by myself, to drive through Starbucks without a back seat driver and for once wake up without hearing a kid cry as my alarm. At the same time five minutes without Little man & I wouldn't know what to do with myself. 
I'm not perfect, I don't have it all together but I'm trying. I want to go to bed at night and feel accomplished. To know that my kids & my fur babies have everything that they need. I want to know that when I wake up in the morning that our day will be filled with adventure and, well, fun. I don't want to meal plan, scrub toilets or dishes all day. I can't vacuum all day everyday and make my son giggle at the same time.  It's a hard balance trying to juggle it all & still feel empty at the end of the day BUT it is a balance.
I wish I had all the answers, all the time, a spotless house, a life that is completely worry free and full carefree day to spend with my son. I'm blessed beyond words but there are days that I feel less than. I am just having more less than days then I am not. At the end of the day I have to remind myself not to worry about all the small insignificant stuff. Life is a hard balance.. but I'm balancing the best I know how. 

  

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