Thursday, August 11, 2016

late night thinking

It's late. Another one of these late night posts.
I have a lot on my mind.

1. I want this bathing suit from VS before it's gone but I don't want to spend the $70. I already had another bathing suit set in my cart and forgot to check out .. it's gone. I should really just take the plunge and purchase this one before it's gone.

2. Being a single parent has it's perks but it gets super lonely. 99% of the time I feel I am doing little man a disservice. We should be out doing more, learning more, but then again he's excelling at so many things. It would be nice to be lazy on the couch for an hour and not feel totally guilty about it.

3. The husband comes home in a matter of days. Then he leaves for a year less then two months later. Kinda torn because it's almost like "whats the point?" We are going to get used to him being around and taking the trash to curb on Mondays just so he can leave. I do want my husband here but I think of all the weird stuff little man thinks about this guy who appears and disappears all the time. Military life with a kiddo is harder then I thought.

4. to expand the family or not to expand the family. I have the opportunity to add to our family while the hubby is home for his two months. That also equals going through a pregnancy and delivery without my husband home. at all. Oh trust me I can do it.. but do I want to do it. This man just wont let it go.. he wants another baby.. that i'll have to take care of 24/7. but Damn I love being a Mommy. Plus I'm old. I gotta push these kiddo's out before the arthritis really kicks in. No body wants a Mommy who uses a cane to walk.. yea?

5. One month until Dierks Bentley's concert. We got VIP tickets again. The rush is real. My obsession isn't stalker level .. yet.

6. Now that the kiddo's are all back in school maybe we can start our gym routine again... oh wait Dad will be home for only two months... gaaaah.  Wait.. wait.. he'll still be working so yea we can add it back to the schedule. Oh I also bought PIYO from beachbody and it's awesome. {totaly wish that was a paid advertisment}.

7. I need to drink more H2O. Dr Pepper slowly creeped back into my home. What's his deal anyway.. geesh. I really gotta make H2O a priority especially if we are going to be another adding a little one to the mix.  

8. I want to do a huge purge. I want to start removing everything we don't use on a weekly/monthly basis out of this house. Except holiday decor - that would be insane. It's starting to look like a house off of hoarders. Ya know I don't make the free time to sew anymore but I really should. I have enough random makeup/lotion products to open a little sidewalk store. Maybe I'll throw a garage sale before the hubby sails off again. Put a little jingle in my pocket and load up my starbucks card before the hubby leaves again. That's a great idea actually.

9. having a boob lift and a tummy tuck can be a goal right? I mean I can try to accomplish this for my 40th birthday yea? Why not.. pop out this last kiddo and save my Starbucks money for a boob lift and tummy tuck. I can dream.

10. Speaking of dreaming.. I'm off to bed. Hope everyone has an amazing weekend. Not that I post often but hopefully I can find time to post a little more once the hubby gets home.. (trails off in hysterical bouts of giggles).. more time.. (more giggles).

Monday, August 8, 2016

Missing communication.

Do people ever stop and think "I miss having a real relationship?". I do. Almost everyday. I crave human contact but not through a cold screen. I miss getting phone calls, or random arrivals at my door. I miss going to dinner with someone who didn't check a device 20 times in a hour. I miss sitting in my backyard and just talking the hour(s) away. Creating memories that can't be recorded on a social media website. Do you miss it too? Do you ever look over at your house phone, if you have one, and wish that someone other then a telemarketer called you? It's so insane to think that was the norm not so long ago. When picking up a actual phone, inside your home, and talking to a friend or loved one was so normal. Now it's answered with annoyance and speculation. How far we have come from actual relationships.
Yesterday someone was telling me - via facetime - that a man has 10,000 words to say in a day while a women has 50,000. If those words aren't used then we feel unsettled. So I guess typing is the new verbiage because I don't say 50,000 words a day and I do feel unsettled. I'm constantly looking for a human connection with people.[language log]
I will try and connect with just about anyone while little man takes his morning nap. I can talk to you while I fold a load of laundry, or change our the dishwasher, or clean a bathroom. I can talk to you while I dust my house or organize my sons clothes. I can talk to you while I'm cleaning up the back yard, taking out the trash, brushing the dog, emptying out the refrigerator, making a grocery list. I can. So why don't we? Why do we come up with excuses to not have that verbal contact with people anymore? Why do we say "oh I can't talk right now" but you are on facebook 20 min later??
I feel like I'm the only person left, in my age bracket, that misses the human connection that used to be.
Don't get me wrong there are things about our modern technology that I love - like having a app to check my bank account or an app for my coffee. I enjoy the distraction of facebook & instagram. I do but I crave the human connection more. Gosh I love having my camera at my fingertips & music! That by far has to be my two favorite things about our technology advancement. I remember carrying around a little walkman cd player and I had to carry this HUGE folder with me if I wanted to change the album.. now I just download the newest song and listen to it whenever & where ever. Trust me I love it. Plus who doesnt' love having google at there fingertips? or being able to text someone when you have a question instead of waiting until you arrive home.. Trust me I'm not lost on the convinces. My question is have we gone too far? Have we gone too far out of the comfort of daily communication with a actual person and rely on social media to fill that void? With that - how many comments or texts are taken out of context because you can't hear the dilact of how it's said. Or better yet. How many of you have forgotten how to read other dilects? I was at a dinner the other night and another lady took my joke completely out of context. Was it my fault for not delivering my joke correctly or was it hers for not receiving it the way I meant?
I bring this up alot because I never thought I'd be an adult and feel so alone and isolated. I never thought i'd long for a phone to ring or a conversation to be had. I never dreamed we'd sit in groups - in silence and stare at our phones for entertainment. It's even sadder to know that one day my sweet boy will also rely on conversation through a text and a tweet - never understanding the simple joy of real communication.

The train has left the station and you are either on it or left behind. I don't see us going backwards so my longing for what used to be will just remain where it is. I think that above all else is sadder then anything I've ever posted.