Monday, January 30, 2017

It's been a month.

I haven't written since New Year's Eve because my husband fell and broke his hand while snowboarding. He ended up coming back home for two weeks. He just left last week & little man and I are getting used to him being gone again. The utero baby is growing big and strong and is 26 weeks now. We had another anatomy scan today and he is such a cutie pie. He totally has his Dad's nose.. like hands down has his nose. We have decided to change his name and we are picking out a couple contenders.

Right now I feel so alone. Being pregnant and being in this position is really scary. I don't want to cause an onset of postpartum & I am so sad on how things are. When I found out I was pregnant I started asking my Texas family to come out and help me when the baby is born (in May). It's now going into Feb and it has been decided that nobody from Texas is coming. I'm so broken hearted and angry. When I had little man my Mom and I ended up in a huge fight which caused me to not talk to any of the Texas siblings *or my Mom* for a long time. We made it through the whole third trimester and six weeks into his life before I spoke to my Mom. So here we are going into the 3rd trimester with baby #2 and I'm afraid it's going to end the same way. My husbands family all but fought over coming out here. I ended up choosing someone from my husbands family as my first choice.

I must say that I thought by them missing the birth of my first kid they would all jump at the chance to be apart of my second. So now I'm scrambling to lock down people and back ups. I think I have locked down local people to help in case I go into labor before my person arrives. I have a person and two back ups to fly down to help. I just now need to figure out who, if anyone, is going to be at the hospital with me when I have this baby. Right now it looks like I'll be having this baby by myself.

I knew this year was going to be a year of growth. I just thought it would be with a new baby but now I want to shake up the friend tree and start adding new branches. It's come to the conclusion that I haven't made the wisest choices in that area. I also need to figure out which, if any, are going to stay on the family branches. I'm so incredibly hurt and so incredibly over this lack of concern. I can't believe I have had to beg certain members of my family to be here with me during the birth of my second child. Not just once but for a solid four months. People always say "you gotta over look it because it's your family" but I don't agree. I just don't agree.

One of these days I'm going to post great stuff.. non dramatic stuff. Right now I have the right be hurt and angry. I have a right to feel alone and agitated. I'm just hurt.