Sunday, March 26, 2017

34 weeks

I'm 34 weeks pregnant and nothing much has changed from my last post. I'm still angry and hurt. I'm trying really hard to focus on serenity and calm this inner rage. I'm so scared that my inner rage is going to create horrible post partum issues. Considering I'll be without my husband for the first two months with two kiddo's .. saying I'm concerned is a understatement. Although I've made sure that I have help for the whole first month - Just hoping I can find someone to help out in June also. It's been really hard to just digest and swallow all the disappointment. It's been hard to not look at a friend as a fow. It's been really hard to not be bitter and jaded. While I am sharing some deep anger this whole journey hasn't all been bad. Life goes on and I'm fighting to stay positive and change the way I am seeing this so that I don't have post PP issues.

We got our 4D ultrasound last weekend. I went back to the same place where we did Little Man's 4D ultrasound too & where we had this little guy's gender reveal. A friend came with Little Man & I and the husband was able to join in via Facetime. One of the things that really shocked me .. was how similar that this little guy looks like his big brother! I thought it was a joke at first because they look so much alike! I had to go back and do a comparison of the two side by side and they are almost identical! Which means I'm a host again for another one of my husbands look alikes but since Little Man is so adorable this Little Guy is going to be adorable too! I just can't wait to hold him!

I also finished up his nursery decor completely & I'll post pictures in a couple of days.
I have his hospital items all stacked up on his dresser. I have all my hospital items ready but I'm currently wearing some of the outfits I purchased.  Like  these maternity dresses, which are technically maternity pj's, and I love them! I found them at Target and I can't rave about them enough! I also purchased these pj shirts from Victoria Secret .. they were 2 for $40 and I bought a couple sets of them & they are super comfy! I need a couple of things but for the most part I have everything that I need for the hospital bag. Knowing that I need a c-section & that I had one before - I feel more prepared in knowing what I need. The only thing I keep questioning is I keep purchasing dresses and I know they'll check my insession - so maybe I should check into ,... just kidding. I'm not changing anything.

We also found out that they are going to let my husband come home mid April for two weeks before he has to return to the ship. Meaning he'll miss the birth of his son, which he is not happy about but what do you do? I can't begin to explain how excited I am to have him home. Let me say that later in pregnancy taking a bath is scary stuff. I'm terrified of not being able to get out of the bath tub and hunky firefighters have to help my pregnant ass out.. oh hell to the no. So I think about about a bath.. then laugh and take a shower. So I cant' tell you how excited I am to take a bath when my hubby arrives home. No lie.  The day he leaves is the day my sister flies in too.. so it's all like the final stretch. We are planning on going to Arizona while he is home, I'll be 37 weeks & we will be prepared to have the baby in AZ if it comes down to it. My husband wants to go see our friends Dad who has cancer & I'm not going to say no. I have a couple of things I'd like to do and want him to do while we are physically here in SD but I think the trip to AZ will be fun(ish). I mean.. WHATABURGER.. hear me?

Ok. In a couple of days I'll hopefully get around to posting final pictures of Little Guy's room decor & I'm sure before the husband arrives I'll post again.

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