Monday, June 12, 2017

Numbers.

9:
16:
42:
21:
28:
What do they all mean? We see numbers all day long no matter how hard we try. I was thinking the other day that we allow a clock to rule our lives. What time to get up, go to bed, take naps, go to stores, run errands, go to work, go home.. it goes on and on. I know that they say we can't live without air and water but I kinda think we can add numbers in that too - or time. So the significance of the numbers I listed?
9 days until little dude is 2 months old. I mean - wwwwhat?! that's like super crazy to me. Mind blown. I swear I just had that baby yesterday.
16 days until my husband is home. like seriously. He's been gone for what seems like a year.. I mean it's been a total of 40 days since Oct 5th, 2016. He was gone 6 weeks and then home for 6 weeks and then he left for 8 months. I'm not sure if I'm more scared or excited for him to be back in our daily routine.. it's gonna take a moment to adjust.
42 days until little man gets his eval for autism. We turned in the paperwork today and got out appointment. i'm seriously not excited but i'm anxious to get a diagnosis. Then again I feel that everyone would fail the autism test if we took it. So it's kinda like setting him up for failure, but I feel we gotta do it. So he can get all the help he needs and so that we can too. I have already learned a lot from the couple of speech sessions he's already had.
21 days until my favorite holiday of the year. I love the 4th of July. I love every silly sterotype that we Americans have. Grilling hot dogs and corn on the cob by the pool.. while eating watermelon ... just to sit in lawn chairs while having a budlight and watching the sky light up for 45 min to watch fireworks. I'm super excited! I love decorating for it too! I have my very own tote full of nothing but 4th of July decor. NOT kidding. Big lots loves to see me coming in June.. I buy so much stuff. It's also when I replace my welcome mats - hahahaha.
28 days until little man turns 2! I mean. We have decided to get him a cake and take him to his favorite place to play. We don't have any friends with little kids - so he doesn't have any friends to invite... how sad? I'm working on that part.. because he needs the kid interaction.
Well there ya go.. I just planned out the next 42 days for you.
I also want to add that my URL is up for renewal and I'm just not sure if I want to keep this going. I know, I know. I keep saying that and I just keep renewing it. It's a nice place to vent and to feel like I'm having a real conversation with someone but once the husband gets back I don't know that I'll really keep posting and updating. I'm gonna keep sleeping on it but I gotta renew it pretty soons.

Thursday, June 8, 2017

results.

So after an hour n half appointment it was concluded that Little man will also need Occupational Therapy. She said it was something to do with the way his mouth formed and he doesn't hold his tongue correctly - which is causing the majority of the speech problems. He was very vocal for her but he got really irritated halfway through and I'm sure it was the time frame - not the session. I feel like we were able to cover a lot of ground.
She told me that if he is autistic it's very low spectrum but she can see why we would think he was. She also stated that he was very intelligent, not that autistic children are not, but said that he had created his own way to talk to us. Ex: she showed him a stuffed cow and asked him to say "moo". He got frustrated when he attempted and went to my purse - got his ipad and went to an app with animals. He picked out the cow - showed her - pushed the cow and it said "Moo". He started dancing around because he was proud of himself and she said that was very acceptable. It was acceptable because he was acknowledging that he knew what she was asking and created a way to repeat the sound - even if it didn't come from his own mouth.
Our half hour 1 on 1 was a little more taxing b/c once I entered the equation he got super anxious. He was very touchy and wanted us to leave. He didn't like that she was telling me about the hour. He doesn't like to hear us talk about him in this context. So we need to be careful when we are explaining his 'actions' too b/c he is listening and it does upset him.
 We talked a lot about discipline and limitations. She said he was super agitated that he couldn't express what he wanted or that we weren't understanding him. He does lead or guide you to what he wants but when it's not given he gets upset. Not b/c he is demanding or that he was 'acting out' simply because he didn't understand when we said  no and why. We need to do a lot more talking with him. Name everything. Repeat it. Don't punish him for things we think he should know. Like.. when in the high chair. .I know he can say "go" but to him "go" means leaving the house. So using 'go' to get down is confusing but it's what he can say. So say "down" and repeat it a couple of times then get him down.  Don't make him sit until he says it.. just repeat it every time and get him down. It's going to take a lot of discipline and repetition for all of us. So all in all we were told to put non basic discipline on the back burner until we could get our evaluations done and allow them to explain to us how he needs to learn. Don't let him get away with everything but demonstrate patience in learning his way of communicating. What we may take as being bratty may simply be his way of being agitated.
The story is he's very quiet. He never makes a sound, never throws a tantrum - well not really - but I do see that when he does it is out of frustration.
He doesn't have classic 'autism' traits in the manner that he makes eye contact, acknowledges his name (from everyone but me - lol), shows emotion according his age, and is interested in things within his age group - he isn't as withdrawn as I thought he was. I do need to find a playgroup for him and we may be assigned a certain place for him. We are moving forward and that's half the battle but we have a long road ahead of us.

Thanks everyone for reading this, thinking of us, praying for us and commenting. It means a lot to have a place to be able to express what we are going through.

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

here we go

I wrote a post about my sons new adventure with Dr's appointments & I'm happy to say that with all my due diligence we start speech tomorrow! We have our evaluation and we have our first appointment. I'm super nervous and excited for him. While completing the paperwork for tomorrow - I realized a couple of important factors that I hadn't thought of before. While my husband is gone I don't have anyone to talk too on a daily basis. Actually it's been really quiet for the past year and with that the lack of conversation in the home - I think it hurt him. While phone calls were sparse and while the bulk of talking is through texting and posts; he didn't hear them. I can talk to him all the time in a store but he's not hearing the volley of a conversation. I'm also aware that the lack of playing with other kids has hurt him too. I have made a point to take him to the park but all he really wanted to do was swing. I did attempt the Y very briefly - with not being able to work out and attending a swim class - there wasn't a lot of interaction.
I'm starting to see my faults here and that is super hard. Going through the motions of the day to day grind I missed the interactions, the volley of a real conversation. He thrives on the ipad games and his movies because it's conversation and I have once saw it - until now. With having little dude we have had people here for a solid 8 weeks now and we have had a volley of conversations. His verbal output has improved greatly! We went from saying two words to adding two more - Momma and "get down". He has also been trying to say his letters and his numbers and added extra grunts for other things. HOW did I miss this vital piece? 
You try to do things the best you can and when you see that you failed your child in basic things - man that stings. The good part is that I can move forward and adjust where I need too. PLUS the fact that Dad is on his way home will help with conversation flow. We have the therapy to teach the BOTH of us on how to adjust and move forward. I've joined a couple of mom groups through a new church I've been trying out. I've also got some other pans in the fire to see if that works.

I'll keep you all posted. 

Thursday, June 1, 2017

6 weeks postpartum

Funny. I have about 25 min before the baby erupts in ear curdling screams b/c he thinks I'm going to starve him. New meaning of waking up in a hurry on my behalf.. good lord kiddo give me a moment to get my shirt off.. sheesh.
I went to the OB today for my six weeks postpartum check up.. say what?! How has it been six weeks?! I tore part of my stitches at some point so I have an additional two weeks before I can return to regular business. Meaning not lifting more than 25 pounds, no tubs or pools, and he said I could briskly walk.. little does he know I've been doing way more than that for weeks now. (which is probably how I tore a stitch to begin with).  I was looking forward to focusing on getting back in shape.. I have a goal of being a MILF.. hey! don't laugh.. we all have dreams. lol
After my appointment I went to the commissary - without any kids - and I got hit on. Not just anyone but a upper rank!! That's so huge to me b/c I only get hit on by the young kiddo's - so getting hit on by a more mature man made me feel so distinguished. Yes, I'm weird but it's a whole new milestone when it's a dude out of his mid 20's. My self esteem needed the boost. Also noting it shouldn't have made me feel so good but 6 weeks after having my second kid! It was a major boost.

As I wrote before that I'm trying to redefine my life now that I've accomplished my overall goal to having kids. I bet infertility through invitro and I'm searching for who I am. My kids & my husband are a big part of who I am but I feel I need to rediscover who I really am and put my life in perspective. I'm still soul searching but being a Momma to these two little boys is pretty amazing. Well Little Dude just sounded his alarm and I have to go feed him.