Sunday, August 27, 2017

what the what?!

For the past month I have been waiting to be seen by my primary doctor because I thought I had a hormone imbalance. After being on medicines for years for infertility I've gotten to know the ups and downs of my own body. I started getting headaches in the evenings, I started feeling super tired all the time - like I wasn't sleeping good, I also noticed I gained a substantial amount in a short amount of time. I geared up and asked my Dr's nurse to put in for some blood work to check my hormone levels so we could find a suitable birth control pill to help regulate my hormones in fluctuations.
Before my husband left he started talking about having a 3rd baby.. actually a lot of people were asking us if we were going to have another. I simply said no. I didn't want to go through more treatments and I am very happy with the two I have. We have a lot on our plate with Little Man and all his appointments and I simply couldn't think of having a third child.
My plan for this current deployment was to be at the gym as much as my schedule would allow. I have two guaranteed days during the week and as soon as Thomas' ABA kicked in I'd be able to go almost everyday. I dusted off the PIYO I bought last year and I was ready to really start my new routines. I even pinned and googled several 'at home' workouts in case my schedule didn't work and I couldn't make it to the gym.  I was determined to drop 30 pounds in 6-7 months and even decided to go back to the paleo diet. I had agreed with myself that Sept 1 would be my start day and I would rock this deployment.
I got a call saying the Dr's office had a cancellation and I took the appointment. Hours later my husband got a call saying he was flying out at the same time so I had to cancel. I called Friday to see if they had another cancellation so I could take it before the 6th of Sept. The nurse I had been speaking too requested that I take a at home pregnancy test to rule that out.. I scoffed. The Dr's assured us there was no way we could have a natural conception. After calling a friend to vent my frustration she agreed with the nurse.. why not? It wouldn't hurt anything. So before picking up little man from school I stopped at a WalGreens and was cursing myself for wasting $15 on two pregnancy tests.
My friend and I remained on the phone and as I arrived home with both boys sound asleep and the urge to pee - I took a test. I laughed and rolled my eyes at the notion that I was really going to fall for this. I was going to take a test, it was going to be negative because it always has been and I'd be discouraged for the rest of the day. ((It has always been negative without Dr intervention)). So here I am chatting away with my friend, because she wanted to stay on the phone, and pee'ing on a stick.. when the first circle filled with my urine I saw a bright blue line appear and a moment later another blue line. what the hell?! So naturally I started laugh crying.. and ran to grab a bottle of water... no way.. my friend is now laughing hysterically on the other end of the phone while my mind is racing full speed. This is false.. this is a false positive test.. there is no way I could be pregnant. Little Dude is FOUR MONTHS OLD.. there is no way after years of treatments and Dr's saying it couldn't be done.. that we created a baby through natural conception. Apx 20 min later, pregnancy test in hand, I repeated the steps and took my 2nd pregnancy test. Same results.. positive.. bright blue positive.  I ended up taking a total of five.. all positive results.. before conceding in a ball in my kitchen floor that this was really happening.
I can't get in until Sept 18th for a OB check up and by my calculations I'm already 7 weeks along so adding two more puts me at 9 weeks - four weeks shy of completing my first trimester. what the what! All I can do now is move forward .. I could go to the office and take a walk in pregnancy test.. but I don't think that would move anything forward any faster. I think I'm pretty content with waiting two more weeks but I do need to call and change the reason for the appointment. I'm excited that at our appointment that I'll get a ultrasound done so I'll be able to have proof and hear a heartbeat .. this is so unreal.
I was done. I was ready to move forward and be so content with two kids. I was so ready to box up all the baby stuff and donate it all. I was so ready to focus on being healthy and not worrying about being pregnant for the first time since I was 23. I was ready.. but seeing those two blue lines (five different times) just make me want this baby too. I wanted a baby that we didn't know our conception date, I wanted a baby that we didn't have to take medicine to concieve,  I wanted a "i have no idea when this happened" baby but I didn't think it was obtainable.
So now I'll be in the 3 under three club.. insane. Inconceivably insane. This little one will be born before Little Dudes first birthday and Little Man's third. My head keeps spinning with crazy questions.. like how do you go to the grocery store? You can't wear two kids! Can two kids fit in the front basket together? My current infant carseat was manufactured in 2014.. should last 6 years.. but should I get a new one? Does this kid get his own nursery or do I make him bunk with Little Dude or do i put Little Man and Little Dude in a room together? The baby will be sleeping with us for a while.. just like little Dude is now. Until they can roll over on there own my babies sleep in a rock n play next to my bed during the night. Which means I'll also need to update the current rock n play b/c it's gone through 3 kids.. (it was a hand me down from a friend and has been amazing!) My husband is always encouraging me to not run out and buy a crib b/c of this reason and I might just do that this time simply b/c I can't picture how to make the room situation work. OH MY GOD I'll need a new car! There is now way my awesome Escape can hold three car seats on that back row! Two full size and infant seats.. I'll have to move up to a bigger SUV. I wanted a truck.. I have been building my own F150 for months!  Not to mention Dr's appointments with two kids in tow! I'm going to have to find a sitter for those appointments or make them during little man's classes... {{this is how my mind has been racing for two days}}.
While it sounds like I'm complaining - I'm simply processing. Normally our kids are very planned so this is just a whirlwind. Another deployment and another pregnancy .. at least I know he'll make it home this time. I'm still in shock but very happy. I'm really worried my body didn't heal enough and concerned about my c-section scar (which has been bothering me for a couple of weeks). I've really got to manage my weight and hit the gym for this pregnancy b/c I'm heavier than I want to be, even though i typically don't gain a whole bunch. ((under 20 pounds)). SMH...  second best deployment ever! 

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