Thursday, April 26, 2018

Oklahoma Sky

I have fallen madly in love with Miranda Lambert's music. I have downloaded and listened to every album relentlessly and I have really taken a liking to her newest album "The Weight of these Wings". During a shuffle sesh I came across this song that I literally had to pull over to listen too. It's off the "For the Record" album and it's called 'Oklahoma Sky'.


I can't pin point the wording that just stopped me.. but if I had to guess it's the second set of lyrics. "Lightening flashed, everything went silent. A feather could have knocked me to the floor. Missing piece was found, I was finally alive. Meet me under the Oklahoma Sky."

I often wonder what it would be like to cross that state line again. I often wonder what, if any, types of emotions would flood my body and soul. So many great memories - it's where I tell people I grew up. I got my first apartment, bought my first set of groceries, was independent for the first time in my life. I struggled, I prevailed, I struggled ( haha ). I was jobless, almost homeless but I never gave up. I learned to love the slow and quiet. I learned to love the outdoors and just take it all in. It's where I made some lasting adult friendships, it's where I found love, it's where I got married and my Dad walked me down the aisle. He'll never be able to do that again. Those memories are sacred.
There are also bad. the conflict and struggle with my ex husband. I wonder if I pulled into that church parking lot if I'd remember all those times I set in the empty parking lot screaming at my windshield and crying.   I wonder if all the sadness and all the grief would flood over me and make me so emotional. I wonder if I'd remember all the back roads and all the hidden gems I'd once found and loved. I wonder if thunderbird would hold the same amount of love that I once felt for it.
The night's we spent around a fire talking, the afternoons we spent on the lake. The weekend barbque feasts we'd throw down - which we couldn't afford but did anyway. The friendships and bounds I thought would have lasted forever. Truth is towards the end I became so insanely unhappy & I just wanted out. I wanted out of every relationship and I just wanted to disappear. I think once I lost my job in 2010 it was the catalyst opportunity to run and I did. I never looked back.. until recently. My life has flourished and matured in ways I never thought possible. We are always in a state of growth and I'm for contempt to be in the place I am now. So when the husband & I talk about his retirement and where we are going to settle down - I often bring up Oklahoma. One of these days he may just agree to it but until then I'll continue to wonder how my heart would react to being back across that State line. Although I was born in Texas I often say I grew up in Oklahoma.. I look forward to showing my kids one day where that all took place.

I'll make it back one day.. I'll cross that state line.. I'll say my apologies for the way that I left and beg forgiveness underneath the Oklahoma Sky.


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