Monday, July 30, 2018

Weekend.


Friday I went to my primary Dr., PCM, and had a long sit down with him. I was so on edge because usually when I go it he is just eager to user me out of the office. This visit was no different. I went to the ER in Mid July and they decided that I needed my gallbladder removed b/c I have gallstones. So I decided to make a wellness visit. So the dude literally walks in the room holding my file and chatting about my ER visit. OK but that's not why I was there. So I tried to change the topic to my back like a thousand times but the dude wasn't interested in really listening to me. Everything I brought up came back to being a Mom of 3. He said that since I had all three kids so quickly that my body never had time to really heal itself. My core muscles of my stomach are so weak that they are now putting strain on my back. I can totally understand what he is saying there. So his recommendation was to join a gym .. do some yoga.. and go to physical therapy. I laughed.. snorted laughed.. like I have time for physical therapy!! BUT he said if I don't follow through with physical therapy then he wouldn't go any further into the back pain.  It wasn't a total loss and he wasn't really wrong.. but I thought he'd do more to help me out. He suggested I get back into the gym, take some time for myself - which I don't do b/c we are so busy - and make myself a priority for the kids sake.
The husband also wants to join the KETO ban wagon and I'd really like to do the PALEO diet again.. man those numbers on that scale were scary. I try to tell myself that they are just numbers.... but those were some large three digit numbers. I talked it over with the husband and I am just going to have to make time for  myself. The Y is open until 9 and I could go around 7pm and get a good two hour workout done. I need to find a good yoga class and with the help of the physical therapy ... hopefully I can start to feel some relief. 
Moving on here....
Our friends moved away to WA and we usually spend our weekends with them. So this weekend we tried something a little different. My brother & SIL took Little Dude on the San Diego "Jeep Run" and we made some fun for Little Man and Little Miss. We ran to the commissary for some fruits and veggies for the week. After that we were going to meet up with a friend at a local splash pad, but it was HOT. So I remembered a friend took me this awesome YMCA pool when Little Man was a baby, so I looked it up and we went. We took Little Miss with us and she even got in the water! I didn't even take my phone out of my bag - so no pictures but it was awesome! We were then planning on going to a frozen yogurt spot after that but my brother called to say there were heading home early and so did we. This single trip to the this water playland made me want to re-up my membership! It was so much fun & little man had SUCH a great time that I really want to do this again!

On Sunday we did some house chores and I got so much stuff done!! After nap time a friend met up with us and we went to get frozen yogurt and then to Kohl's for some school clothes for little man. The trip to the yogurt place with all 3 kiddo's was insane! I felt this crazy amount of pressure for my kids to be all proper and quiet.. which is crazy in itself..  but the kids had a blast. Isn't that what it's about?? I hate getting all worked up and missing the fun and then looking back  at the situation and seeing I was being crazy. We got some good photo's tho! Little Man, Little Dude and Little Miss.. all having a great moment at the frozen yogurt place.


Hope everyone is having a great Monday & had a great weekend!  I'm going to try and figure out how to create a 'vlog' and see if I can get that up this week. I gotta go start lunches for these cuties! Let me know you stopped by so I can say "HI" back!





Tuesday, July 24, 2018

July update

Hey ya'll!
This week, counting this past weekend, has been good and hard.
A very good couple friend of ours moved away this past weekend. They got orders to a new state and it was hella sad to see them go. We have been friends for over 7 years and they are also the god parents to our kiddo's.. to to wave them off was so hard. Not to mention that we have spent the past 5 weekends together and then they were gone... While I am excited for their new adventures and their new place is awesome.. I'm just sad they aren't a drive away anymore.
So to busy myself I cleaned my house this weekend. I worked on the kitchen decor and majority of my amazon purchases arrived on Saturday. We got some pool time in with the kiddo's and even little miss got to join the fun. I was happy to get some much needed organization done in the house and even happier that the organization has stuck! I'm not where near done but it's so nice to see some progress. During the prime day I snagged some new kitchen accessories in teal.. so I changed out the utensil holder, a new drying mat, a teal set of Pioneer Women knifes, and a teal bottle cap opener. I also ordered a new coffee container.. in teal.. and some dish clothes.
I also upgraded my iphone7 to the iphoneX - so that's been fun. I LOVE the portrait option on the camera.. my pictures of the kiddo's are boss! I also recently got a new laptop and settled for the chrome book - which has taken a lot of getting used too. I have to say that the laptop was probably a huge miss because I miss the functions of my toshiba SO much.  I actually have already looked at other laptops because I have a kind of a picture addiction and this isn't going to come close to holding my pics. BUT the husband purchased a i-cloud picture backup thing and that's working.
We have a 2 weeks until school starts and a month until we are in Texas! My 31 totes for our trip haven't arrived yet but I'm super excited about them. I think little man is ready for school and I have everything but his diapers purchased and labeled. Little Dude isn't going to know what to do with big brother at school everyday for three hours! So now I'm trying to find some fun things for us to do while brother is at school with little dude and little miss. Then right as we get our schedule down we'll head to Texas for almost three weeks. Them emerge ourselves back into a routine.
Life is never dull around here that's for sure... somewhere between school starting and our vacation I have to have my gallbladder removed.. so we are always doing something. I'm looking forward to our last couple of weeks of summer.
When does school start back for you?? What summer trip did you take this summer? What prime day specials did you find?

Thursday, July 19, 2018

Dr's & more Dr's

When I gave birth to little dude, via c-section, I started complaining my tailbone hurt. They contributed it to laying in the same spot for a couple of days. I was miserable and the answer was more meds. Time went on and my tailbone hurt more and more. Depending on your military insurance you can chose to have regular Dr's or Dr's on base. I have chosen Dr's on base and my Primary Dr just sucks. While I called everyday for a three week span for a canceled apt - I ended up finding out I was pregnant with Little Miss and nobody would look at my tailbone. So my pregnancy was murder on my back, several ER visits, more attempts to see my primary and fast forward to my 3 month postpartum mark and I'm still hurting. To manage my back pain I've been going to a chiropractor twice a week. They have deemed that I have a lower back issue and while I do get little relief, the visits are not enough. The chiropractor has told me that my left leg is shorter then my right, and that's crazy, but it was now time to seek out medical help outside of their office.
I have an appointment next week finally. While the basis of my visit is my tailbone, I have some other concerns to talk about too. I think my Primary see's me a silly housewife seeking for attention but I gotta a lot of different things going on man. Truth is it's so hard to get in to see him that I stack up a couple of concerns for when I actually can get in.
Last week my lower right abdominal area starting hurting, like close to my hip bone. I leaned over the washing machine and saw literal stars and was escorted to the ER. The ER couldn't find the source of the pain but did find that I have a fibroid mass in my uterus (thanks Depo shot) and that I have gallstones. Now I have to have my gallbladder removed and my pre-op appointment is Aug 16th. My back still hasn't been discussed.   My abdominal area is still hurting and their solution was Tylenol and ibuprofen... insert eye roll.
So with my gallbladder, a mysterious pain that's not my appendix, my tailbone... I have this pain on my left thumb that makes it hard to use my hand by the end of the day. It swells up, I can't wear my i-watch or my rings 50% of the time due to the swelling but I'm sure they'll say it's a form of carpal tunnel. 
To add to my growing list of concerns here, and feeling like I'm bordering sounding like a hypochondriac, I need to address my depression symptoms. I am not sure what the outcome out of that - aside from weekly therapy AGAIN. Which is annoying b/c they just wanna blame things on my husband or my Mom. Both contribute greatly but that can't be the underlying cause here. I also believe that everybody faces forms of depression and if everyone ran to a shrink.. well it would be insane. I'm sure that my anxiety is a form of depression or a sister form of it but dude I'm busy. I don't have time to go sit in a shrinks office for 45 min a day once a week. BUT my symptoms are getting pretty bad. The loss of desire to do anything, the fact that I keep admitting little to nothing keeps/makes me happy. The constant need to purchase something to feel the void for it to not be filled. I've also been aware that since little miss has been born I literally can't stand the sight of my husband some times. Like it's B-A-D... Insert another eye roll.
Getting older is hard but I've always believed it's mind over matter. I've always been pretty optimistic when it came to my health. Outside of infertility treatments and diabetes while pregnant, I've been pretty healthy. Going to Dr's and asking for help is hard. Doing all of this with tiny kids is harder but for them I gotta just do it..  ya know?
So there ya go.. I'm 36 and my body and mind are failing me.. just kidding. I think I should focus on the depression symptoms and the tailbone pain. I'm pretty sure I broke my tailbone ... again... and my goodness it hurts. That's what's going on with me... but of course that's just me.. I'll have to post and update on the kiddo's b/c Little Man has some great news!!

What are things you've put off going to the Dr for? Have you ever broken your tailbone? Have you had your gallbladder removed??





Sunday, July 8, 2018

treading life

My oldest baby turns 3 in just a couple of day. 3! On the same day my youngest turns 3 months old.
Crazy. I love being a Mom but I'm insanely tired. My house is NEVER clean .. ever. I feel like I do the same five things on a single loop the whole entire day. Did I mention I'm exhausted? I do manage to keep up with laundry and grocery shopping but that's about the extent of that. I do have a weekly schedule that I try really hard to stay on top of but I don't have a lot of room for extra's and when I do have the extra time is - I just wanna do nothing. I should be putting up laundry right now and cleaning our Master bedroom but here I sit.
I'm complained lately that I've lost my identity. I've wanted kids for so long and now that dream has come true.. it's kind of like now what? The husband & I have had a lot of talks about the next step but it comes with a lot of trepidation. I'd like to get my hair license and go back to work when Little Miss goes to school but I'm so worried about not being present. I know that Little Man is going to need a lot of extra special TLC and I want to be right there. I also know that we have apx 6 yrs left in the Navy life and we become 'retired' and move to that next chapter... but that feels like a whole book away. What I'm trying to figure out is what to do with these chapters I need to write now. Since my husband isn't moving forward like I am, I feel lost. For some reason I don't see just being a Mom a chapter but as a definition of who I have become.
I feel like I struggle a lot on what I think I should be doing and lose sight of the moments. I've also realized that very little leaves me content. The moment passes and I just remember all the negative and struggle to find the positive. That's hard when I know that I love my life. I just feel that I don't know how to be happy.. that's a hard realization. I'm tired of struggling, I'm tired of being tired and I just want my home to be peaceful and happy. I struggle with comparing everyone else to my current life... ie: her house is so clean, her kids are so well behaved.. why can't i? why don't i? Filling my life with a lot of plausability for error and failure when I know I'm doing the best i can. People have 3 kids and keep it together so what is wrong with me?
Everyone struggles and this shall pass. I'll pull up my boot straps and plow through. I'll look back at these moments and laugh at how naive and how silly I'm being. BUT at the moment this is real and it's a mind over matter game i feel I'm losing.
So please send me words of encouragement, send me ideas. Tell me I'm not alone. I wish more then anything else in this world that I had a group of friends who I can turn to and lean on right now. It just seems everyone is going through something and my stuff seems insignificant.

Inhale... exhale...