Wednesday, October 24, 2018

fall break & bugs

I haven't forgotten y'all we are just halfway through Fall Break and it's a little crazy. It's a little harder to sit and write all this out with three kiddo's. Little man is off is schedule and I don't have the morning break to write this out.

We have had some fun during this break but haven't really left the house. It's always something. We are talking about taking the kids to the zoo this week & hopefully we can accomplish that. The house is decorated and the kids have Halloween costumes. Little Miss turned 6 months old - can't believe that. We had professional pictures done - like we have done with all three kiddo's. They turned out amazingly wel

One of my best friends flew in and we went to the Dierks Bentley concert. It rained. My first DB concert in the rain. I have a stuffy nose now but it was worth it. I also experienced my first UBER ride.. that was fun. We had a girls night out dinner and stayed out WAY too late. Three days being up past 1, with three little kids, not the smartest idea.

The last day of summer break we were going to go to the zoo. We had it all planned out. Let me back up. A couple of months ago Little Dude started breaking out in this rash at night. We went to Dr's and we were told it was an allergic reaction. We changed his milk, nothing changed. I started to notice that if I changed his sheets everyday that his rash wasn't so bad the next day. So I started stripping his bedding everyday and washing it, replacing all of it with clean bedding. We thought he was allergic to his own sweat. I also thought it was flea bites on him. With four dogs in the house I just assumed that to be the issue. I had Terminix out here on a regular spraying for flea's inside and out.
The rash got better but never really went away. So Friday we got ready for the zoo and I went to strip his sheets, the sheet got caught on the mattress and ripped. I had to pick up the mattress to get the sheet completely off the bed and that is when I saw it. It looked like mold on his bed skirt and first but then I quickly learned that it was bed bugs.

Dude. Imma let you know this shit is banana's. I have no idea where they came from, I had no idea we had them and I had no idea that was what was doing this. We could have gotten them anywhere and no where. The extensive process of management is bonkers! I have had to wash everything in his room.. his toys, his clothes, the bedding, the curtains. We had a to spray a chemical in the room, we had to bag the beds and box springs, we had to clean the walls. We had to 'steam' the curtains and the dressers, we had to take his bed apart and spray it down. We had to shampoo the carpets too, we moved every piece of furniture around to make sure we got every surface. Then after all of that - we had to spray Tea Tree oil on everything to kill the eggs.

Livid, Disgusted, Angry... those are a couple of words to describe how I felt all weekend. I cried.. a lot. I felt so bad that I let my baby get eaten by bugs I didn't even know we had. Four days since we have managed the mess and we aren't done. Little Man's rash is completely gone though! Don't let people fool you in believing bed bugs are for dirty joe's .. I swear you can get them from anywhere. We need to treat the house but that's very expensive so we are managing it by the steps I shared. We will have the house treated though after tax return unless the bugs come back before then. UGH.

I swear.. we can't just catch a break.

I'll get back to this awesome book as soon as I can guys. Pray for us.. send Rum and Detergent. lol


Amy

Wednesday, October 3, 2018

Chaos.

Girl..... this chapter hit so many levels of my current life.. it's insane!!
Chaos really wants to be my best friend and I want nothing to do with him. Everyone's chaos is different but similar. It could be your Mom, your Mother in law, your kids, your husband, the house chores, the juggling act of working and kids. "Every single one of us is living in chaos, we handle it in one of three way:"  1. We ignore it.  2. We battle it. 3. We drown in it". PG 116-117. YES! I both battle and drown in it. So let me summerize what she is saying because I'm the one reading the book and recaping it for you lol.
1. We ignore it by pretending the chaos isn't there. We bury our heads and just keep on going. Eventually the chaos will cause stress which will catch up with you.
2. We battle it: We tackle something different then the actual problem. You clean your kitchen because you are mad at your husband. "The problem with a battle is that we will always lose. If we plan that we can do enough or plan enough to make sure that nothing is ever difficult , we will only make ourselves feel like a failure when life is too hard." PG 117 -- THAT'S ME!! in a freakin' nut shell.
3. We drown into it: "We get overwhelmed by housework, regular work, family, and friends. The stress becomes all that we see" PG 117. This is also me if I can't talk about something that is bothering me that is more present then distance. Like stressing over my Mom will cause me to clean or organize. Things going on inside my wheel house will cause me to become overwhelmed.
We are stronger then this. 
The suggestion is to embrace the chaos.
How do we do that? We need to start by giving our self grace. We all fall short and we need to remember that tomorrow is a new day for us to try again. Take a deep breath and try to find humor in the situation. Like you send your kid to picture day in pajamas... ya know at first that would make me mad but after a beat it is kinda funny. Yesterday I lost track of time. It was 6pm and dinner was even thought of. SO I got flustered and started trying to make this tortellini pasta real fast. Problem was the kids were hungry 30 mins before & therapy was in session & I got embarrassed. Embarrassed that I lost track of time, angry that my kids were hungry and I didn't have the meal ready and angry that the other adults in the house didn't pick up my slack. I expected them too. The kids had a good meal but I was pretty upset so I made sure that dinner was ready on time today.
What is another way? To remember the Fruits of the Spirit - which are love, joy, patience, peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control.  What that means is we use the tools to help us through whatever situation we are in. Yesterday I needed self control & peace. Today I needed peace and joy. Also taking a moment for yourself is a good thing! So go get that pedi, go for that run, sit through that drive thru for cup of coffee.. and the hardest one of all... let people help you. Now I would personally LOVE for someone to help, that's actually my biggest complaint. We have four grown adults in this house, three kids and four dogs. Somehow I'm expected to carry the load and handle the cooking, cleaning, dog taking care of, laundry doing, kid wrangling, errand runner, and not expect a thing in return. It's hard ya'll. I have a lot of hard hard days. The more I ask for help the less I get. Now that the husband has been gone for three weeks.. I'm drained. I'm angry. I'm hurt. I'm through being a doormat. Then I remember the fruits of the spirit.. kindness, patience.. and joy. It doesn't always work that easily because I know I'm being taken advantage of. It's hard to rise above and feel appreciated.
Everyone has their own version of chaos. Remember that as you go through your day.. and remember to through a whole lot of patience and kindness every where you go.

"Girl, Wash your face" by Rachel Hollis - book overview.


Tuesday, October 2, 2018

goals

Good Morning!
As promised I'm continuing with the chapter overviews of "Girl, Wash your face" by Rachel Hollis and my personal imput.
Chapter 10 is about goals. 
She says that women don't look forward to birthday's after a certain age. That we'd like to just sweep them under the rug because for the majority of us it marks another year of what we didn't accomplish. I love birthday's and I love to celebrate my loved one's birthdays. True to the point though - I usually don't celebrate my own. Simply because it's usually a couple days from Thanksgiving and we are all busy organizing and prepping for Turkey day. Our birthday's should be a celebration of the life we have created and accomplished thus far.
I love that she said "God has a perfect timing." "Maybe that goal wasn't ever mean to be yours". "Maybe you are destined for something so much cooler."
For years all I wanted was to be a parent. To have a child grow within me and become a parent. It took 12 years. Not a straight 12 - finacialy and personally I had to take time off but collectively it was 12 years. While I was fighting my own body to become a parent and understand why it wasn't working I lost sight of everything else. I had no other goals. I didn't put the baby making on hold and say "I want to be a hair stylist and I'm going to accomplish that first". Nope. I just wondered aimlessly from job to job praying something would stick.
Now that I'm in my late 30's I regret that. I regret not having that push or desire to create a career for myself. I could have been a great hair stylist! I could have pursued web design and made a great career for myself in 2007. I could have stuck with the goal of being a child psychologist I wanted to be in high school.  I just had blinders on and didn't think about the bigger picture. Which now I'm a stay at home Mom juggling 3 kids and I have a husband who is rarely here due to his career. So having a full time career wouldn't be a important in this stage of my life anyway.
In a portion of the book she says "own on negative self-talk can be more damaging than the emotional abuse heaped on us by a hateful parent. It's also far more insidious because there's nobody there to stop it, since we rarely even realize it's happening." PG 105

The challenge of this chapter is to not look at our un-met goals as a form of unacomplishments but look at it as those goals weren't really meant for you. Those un-met goals lead you to pursue something else that helped you gain your path. I have a hard time with that, personally, simply because I don't think I drove the bus to my own destiny, I was dragged. I lost my job in 2008 and a whole new whirlwind chapter started. It was out of my control and I just followed along - praying for something good to happen. and ya know what? It did! Yes I got divorced in 2010, yes I slept on my brother's couch for months with no money to my name. Yes, I moved to a completely different state without a job or direction.. but ya know what? I met my husband. I was available to be courted and taken care of for the first time in my life. I had to learn to rely and trust other people for the first time. I had to hit rock bottom and regain a new inner self. My husband and I met in 2010 but we didn't get married until 2013. Our first child was born in 2015, our second in 2017 and our third in 2018. I have a beautiful home, a awesome new van, no debit aside from our mortgage.. which is a lot better then where I was 10 years ago! I am very thankful that my 'goals' took a little longer to come to pass b/c my husband is an amazing father, provider and friend. I wouldn't want this path with anyone else.

I challenge you to do her advisement at the end of the chapter. "List out everything you have accomplished to date. In fact, write yourself a letter about your tenacity!" It's pretty enlightening!

Hope you have a great day! I hope you take a moment to write out that list of your own accomplishments so you can see how awesome you are! I hope that you stop doing your own negative self-talk and realize how awesome you are! Now go take on today with a brighter spirit and be patient with yourself and your goals. They shouldn't have expiration dates!


Monday, October 1, 2018

locks

Hey ya'll
Welcome to October! Can you believe it? I'm still trying to figure out what happened to August; ha!
Well I took a couple of days off because we had a huge scare in our home and I lost my marble for a couple of days. Now that I'm a little more relaxed Tuesday I'll be jumping back into my daily chapter overviews with a personal punch of "Girl, wash your face" by Rachel Hollis. I'm sure she'd appreciate my dedication lmao. Today though I want to stupidly share what happened. Stupidly because i know it opens me up to being judged by all who read my words.
As some of you know my oldest, Little Man, is autistic. He is non-verbal and what I like to call a silent ninja. He has started to talk a lot more and he babbles all the time. I am so excited because I just know one day he's gonna wake up talking up a storm. ANYWAY.. some kids with autism are runners. They will run and not stop when you yell their name. They don't sense the danger and think it's fun to be chased. That is my son.
Last Wednesday someone didn't dead bolt the front door. I was cutting 10 single green grapes for Little Dude's dinner. I just happened to look up at the mirror over my sink, to see a vehicle stopped at my driveway. Totally out of the normal even for the six o'clock rush.. something in me froze. I literally jumped the kitchen gate and ran out the front door. Low and behold this lady was standing in the road holding my son and in tears. She said she almost hit him, he was running down the driveway and just bolted in front of her. Her poor shooken soul. I grabbed him up, hugged him, listened to her 'watch your kids please' as I walked up the driveway. The thing is... he had just been standing at that gate asking to "eat". I was explaining that I was waiting on the grapes and we'd eat. I had no idea he had opened the front door and closed it behind him. The dog siren didn't go off.. not a sound. THIS could have been SO much worse. It could have been fatal. This could have been a completely different outcome. In true mothers fashion.. i made him sleep with me that night (after just getting him back into his bed.. oy vey).  I was terrified to let him go to school, but he did, and I made sure to tell our ABA therapist about what happened.
I waited until he was fast asleep to call one of my best friends. I told her what happened in sobs. Half she asked me to keep repeating. All i kept thinking was how i let this happened, how could i not have had checked the door? WHY didn't the four dogs bark like usual?? HOW could i let my son just walk out of the house unknowingly? Why didn't I just put him in the booster seat - it was 10 grapes! I felt like the worst Mother on the planet.  We don't have a lot of strict rules in this house but one of the biggest ones is to bolt the doors and shut the gates. They are in place for a reason. 
The next day I sobbed to my other best friend in WA .. both friends interjected ideas and door solutions. At the end of the day.. the only thing you have to do is dead bolt the door. IT'S THAT SIMPLE. I don't need a fancy alarm or ten locks.. just dead bolt the door. I say that but I went out and bought a new dead bolt system from NEST. I can check to make sure the dead bolt is locked by an app on my phone, and I can lock/unlock the door from the car (super cool). We all have codes to enter into the house instead of keys. My brother bought us those chime sensors .. you add them to the crack of the door and when the door is opened it makes a insanely loud chime. I jump every. single. time. it goes off.. so it's doing it's job. We added a baby gate to the exit into the backyard - so he can't exit the garage and we added a motion spot light into the back yard. I know a day will come when he will figure out the lock. I know one day we will have to make extra extra measures but right now it's just simple. Dead bolt the door and shut the gates.
My husband is still gone. He has about another two weeks before he returns. He has no idea this happened. He has no idea I dropped three bills on a dead bolt and I'm scared to tell him what happened in person. It sucks, it's hard. I still feel like shit and he's been under my wing all weekend. I have taken him everywhere with me because I was that shook. I think I check the stupid app to the door lock like 20 million times a day too but everyone in the house has been super vigilant. I hold no blame towards anyone b/c mistakes happen but this one almost cost me my sons life.
My fear is that this will wear off with everyone in the house, myself included, because you feel safe. My fear is that someone doesn't lock that door again and we don't catch it. My fear is that I'll end up in jail over a unlocked dead bolt.
I'm basically a single Mom with three kids. I hold the ground to my house. If you can't follow the simple steps that I have put into place to keep my kids safe.. then you aren't welcome here. Unfortunately, I can't afford to be gracious about it now. People it scared me. It rattled my bones. SO while I send a prayer of thankfulness to the man upstairs, I'm also sending prayer of vigilance to my housemates.
Like I said our weekend got better, we collectively took steps to make sure this doesn't happen again. We all were very vigilant in making sure alarms and doors were set. I'm praying nothing like this ever happens again.  If like me, you have a runner, you aren't alone. It's scary, but you become wiser by every thing that happens. You do better and you become more aware. I've said it alot lately but I was reminded all week .. we aren't perfect. We aren't meant to be and sometimes things get out of our control. The lesson is to learn from it and pray that you take all the right measures and it never happens again.
What a way to end September. Here is to believing that October will be a thousand times better!!