Thursday, December 13, 2018

Woah.. time lapse

Ya know I rarely find time to time to stop and write you guys anymore. I feel sad about this and I promise that I will budget some time in 2019 to keep it updated.
Speaking of 2019...
I can't wait for this New Year.. I guess that's a good thing considering it's 17 days away! Every year on my birthday *which was a couple of days before Thanksgiving* I do my new years resolution list. Before I get to that I wanna say.. I'm not done going through the Rachel Hollis book "Girl, Wash your Face" I simply got stuck on the 'goals' chapter and it is a good thing! That helped add to my resolution list for 2019, which I will sharing in a separate post soon. 

My kids are my whole world. I wanted kids for SO incredibly long and it's incredible. BUT it's incredibly lonely. Adding in little man's autism into the mix and I feel alienated because people just don't understand and don't want to ask questions. I guess in a weird turn of events I've gotten this SAHM depression.. like it's a real thing. My Dr. told me about it a couple of months ago because I was POSITIVE it was because of the depo shot. The Dr. assured me it isn't (but I'm not a believer that it isn't). Adding to the fact that I felt like I didn't have any goals, my house is always a mess, my damn iPhone wont save my calendar... it's been a ROUGH couple of weeks.

The good is that we got family pictures done, we got some awesome Santa pictures done and my youngest just turned EIGHT months old!!! I'm in shock.. she can say a couple of words, she can sit up on her own and we saw her use her toes (while laying on her tummy) and crawl across the floor today.. like total disbelief. My husband said " I can't believe you aren't recording this" but I was in awe just like he was. The husband is home for a while & I'm so tickled about that. it's hard to go through so many changes and not have your rock here to help you balance it all. 

If you follow me through Facebook then you already kinda know what's been going on. My SIL passed away during a routine surgery and it rocked my world. I haven't felt a loss like that in a LONG time.. and I think the part that bothered me the most is that I needed the time to stop.. the world to stop for just a moment so that I could grieve. The kids still needed food, the clothes still needed to be done, chores had to be done and I was falling apart. My world spun for a couple of days and all I did was cry. I cried all the time.. in a store.. in the car.. at my son's therapy appointment.. ordering Starbucks. This thought would hit me and I'd just boo-hoo cry... like ugly cry. That single moment of loss changed me.. it changed me because our life is so fleating and it's so unfair to not tell those important to us how much they mean to us. You think you have so much time to say these things and then you don't. I don't think she would have lived b/c she knew how important she was to me.. but I would have made me feel better that I knew she knew.. ya know? 

So the past six weeks I have been going through so much.. alone. They ended up flying my husband home early due to his sisters death, other wise he'd be gone right now. We are planning on being Tacoma, WA for Christmas!! We are leaving the first day of Little Man's school leave & will be there for a good two weeks. I'm excited.. simply because I miss my bestie & I'm looking forward to seeing her. I'm excited to get away for a minute to decompress. I am so insanely excited for SNOW! We have so many awesome outings and things planned .. again SNOW. I love snow & I'm anxious to share this experience with my kiddos. 

I'll write up my 2019 post and compare it to last years.. for fun. I just wanted to check in with you all since it's been apx 6 weeks from my last post. 

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