Monday, January 14, 2019

Changes for me.

Most days I feel overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with 'to do's', appointments, things that aren't getting done, things my kids need. All the things that fall into my lap.. grocery shopping, meal prepping, scheduling.. 90% of all things I do are by myself. Running errands to personal things.. I was by myself without any adult conversation.
Most days I feel alone and isolated. My phone rarely rings unless a telemarketer is calling about solar panels. I feel I reach out to people more then people reach out to me. I sit in my home, with my kids, all day. Well we run errands but.. ya get it. My facebook rarely has a message waiting on me - 118 'friends' and not one message.  When my household returns they are tired, they want to just relax and I want some type of conversation that doesn't revolve around what we need from the store or what's for dinner. Most days I'm left alone with my thoughts & concerns running through my head.

Most days I stay in my pj's all day. Most days I don't put on a lick of makeup. I morning routine is to get up, brush my teeth, brush my hair & promptly put my hair back in a bun. Who see's me anyway? Who care's that I don't have any mascara on. I tell myself it's saving money because Clinique is expensive. I tell myself I'll ramp up my wardrobe after I lose some weight. I tell myself that it's dumb to wear a dress just to scrub floors. All are true to me.

I realized I wasn't happy. I realized that things that used to bring me joy didn't anymore. I realized that I'm in control of my happiness. I realized that facebook & Instagram, and even this blog, weren't making me happy. I realized that getting my hair done wasn't what I wanted to do anymore - I wanted to use that time in a chair on something different. I mean I only go once every 8 weeks but I didn't have the desire to do it anymore. I realized that while I love my acrylic nails I hate sitting in that chair by myself. Not that I don't enjoy it but I didn't like to go by myself.  90% of all things I do are by myself.
In December I decided to change it. To do what I wanted and to make myself happier.

In December I fired my hair dresser. I told her I wasn't coming around as much anymore, I told her that this wasn't where I wanted to spend my time or money. I told her that while she'd still get the business for my boys haircuts - I didn't want to sit in her chair, or anyone else's, anymore.

I decided to create a chore list in the house. I decided to only do 5 simple things, outside of the daily things, a day. Every adult here should have some type of responsibility so it doesn't just land on my shoulders. If you don't do it.. neither do I. I'm NOT putting your dirty dishes in the dishwasher, I'm NOT packing your lunch, I'm NOT changing out the washer/dryer for you. I'm not running errands for you. I'm not picking up certain things during the week for someone else. If I go to the store I'll get ya some creamer but I'm not making a special trip.. because they wouldn't for me.

I decided to join my husband with a game and blow off some steam. I bought him a Switch for Christmas but it was for me too. So I bought some games for us to play together & we sit and play games in the evening and some afternoons. It has been glorious. I look forward to the evenings and instead of watching TV we are doing something together.
I decided to get up earlier everyday. To take a shower, to put makeup on, to fix my hair.  I take the time to get myself together. I make a pot of coffee, empty the dishwasher, start breakfast for the kids.. I write a blog post....
This was our first weekend back into our routine. We got a lot accomplished and a lot of organization done. We also go a lot of leisure time, which is new. I look forward to implementing these new changes and hope that I can figure out ways to be a happier and healthier me.

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